Bird's Words

2011-12-31T16:40:00.000-08:00

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
(Beautiful Things, Gungor)

If I had to put the year 2011 in a song, this would be it. This year has brought joy immeasurable and so much pain that I felt I couldn't take a breath. And in the midst, there was God.

Faithful.

Holy.

True.

Mine.

In this year, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about spiritual warfare. But I also learned and experienced more than I ever fathomed the Presence of Jesus, my comforter. Here I am, on the cusp of a new year, and I feel a bit like Mary, holding these things in my heart and pondering the goodness of God. But I'd be remiss if I didn't testify to the faithfulness of my Savior.

In this year, a battle raged for our son. Satan thought he had won, and if truth be told, there were moments that I believed it too. It was a hard time, for lack of a better description. I cried until the tears would come no more. I hurt. I felt like my heart had been ripped from within me. The bleakest days of my life were during that time. Jeff and I spent a week at home, mourning the decisions that Bryan had made that caused him to be placed outside of this home. And in that moment of him leaving here, the lies came flying into my mind: "You weren't good enough, or he wouldn't be struggling like this". I wanted to believe it. To blame myself seemed better than admitting that my son had made decisions that went against everything this family believes in. But that's not the end of the story.

I can't tell you how beautiful redemption is when you witness it in your child. Jeff and I often say how incredible it is to have our son back. It's not been easy, but he's home and he smiles again. God is speaking to him, and he is learning to listen again. God is daily redeeming him and using his story. You see, what was meant to harm him, God intended for good, and we see the good coming from that time. We've hugged more, laughed more, cried more, prayed more in the past few months than I can ever remember. It's beautiful, and I feel more proud of him than I can describe here.

A few weeks ago, our sweet Ellie asked Jesus to come into her heart. We've witnessed her redemption too. It's been three years this week since we said "yes" to adopting her, and the transformation in her life is unbelievable. She has literally come to life before our very eyes, and we are so thankful for her!

I have no idea what 2012 has in store. I'm sure there will be days of incredible joy, and I'm sure there will be days where my heart will feel torn apart. If I've learned anything in this year, it's that my feelings cannot be trusted. They change like the wind. But God- oh my, He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He hands out HOPE in abundance, and my cup surely is overflowing with it. I can't wait to see what 2012 holds- all of it. For nothing comes to me that He is unaware or unprepared for.

How about you? What did God teach you this year?

Ethiopia Water thoughts...

2011-10-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

I'm tempted to apologize for not posting sooner about the water project in Ethiopia this summer with One Child Campaign. However, I have spent the past couple of months thinking, praying, meditating, pondering in my heart all of the individual moments of our time there. I needed that time. God needed me to have that time. Now I'm ready to tell, so I pray you're ready to read. More than that, I pray you are changed as I try to put in words what we experienced.

Korah is a community on the outskirts of Addis Ababa. It's a community of unwanted outcasts of society. It's a community built on a trash dump. It's a community of dirt, filth, smells, hunger, disease. It's a community of some of the most beautiful people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. It's a community of HOPE.

When we arrived in Korah, I was immediately overcome with love for these people. They had nothing of material value, yet it was so obvious that they were wealthy, rich in love. I was able to listen to their stories- stories of leprosy, HIV, death, desperation, hopelessness, fear. And I heard over and over again, "But then you came to us. God sent you to us, and now we have great hope because of Jesus".

We were able to spend time with the ladies of Mission Ethiopia, hearing the stories of these beautiful ladies and how God has redeemed their lives. One by one, they told us how "before I had this work (with Mission Ethiopia), I did not have time to do what I love most which is praise God". I was humbled by those words. They have haunted me every day since then.

One of the first things we did in Korah was to test their water to see what impurities were there. It was positive for fecal matter. Really, is there anything else to say? These beautiful faces, forced to drink water infested with human waste in order to survive. I will never forget the moment that I showed the Pastor there what our test had proven. With tears in his eyes, he looked over at his beautiful little girl and said "She has been drinking that?".

Oh, but the story does not end there, my friends!

It was our honor to give this small section of Korah a water purifier. In just a few hours' time, we taught them how to work the system and chlorinate water to get rid of the impurities they were currently drinking. They were eager and fast learners, drinking in all of our explanations, ready to demonstrate what they had learned. And in just a few hours, we were standing there witnessing our new friends taking their very first drink ever of clean, pure water. The Pastor looked at me, with tears flowing down his face and said "She doesn't drink that anymore". This is church, folks!

We placed this purifier at the local church. You see, Korah doesn't need to think that some white people with money from America came in to give something to them. What they need is to see the local church providing their needs. After all, that's what the local church is really about, isn't it? Once they are meeting the physical need of clean water to the people of Korah, they can then teach them about the LIVING WATER. beautiful.

My heart is still soaring from that day. Even now, we are preparing and raising funds for the next water project in Ethiopia. You see, although what we were able to experience this summer was great, the need is still greater. Others need clean water too. They need food, clothing, sustainable income, medicine, love, compassion, hope. Our eyes are indeed open, and we cannot quit now. We want to now work to empower other local churches with the ability to meet the needs of their communities as well.

By the standards of this world, these folks are poor. But by God's standards, they are rich indeed. I've never seen a rich man smile as brightly as these children. I've never seen eyes that sparkled quite so brightly as the eyes of the lady telling of how she was now free to praise her Savior all day as she worked to provide for her family. I've never before seen anyone Smile from ear to ear as he talked of being imprisoned for sharing the Gospel, then tell me that "it's my honor to suffer for Jesus". But I did there. And it has changed me.

I'm changed to the very core of my being.

And I beg God to never EVER allow me to go back to the person I was before.

So, all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord- who is the Spirit- makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image. 2 Corinthians 3:18

A Day With Tigist...and Gotcha Day!

2011-08-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

I've been asked many times since we got back home from Ethiopia, "What was your favorite part of the trip?" That's a hard this to answer, as everything we did was so different and touched me in such different ways. But one day does hold a very special place in my heart. On Wednesday of our trip, we were able to spend a day with Tigist, Ellie's birth mom.

When we were in Ethiopia 2 years ago to get Ellie, we were able to meet Tigist. It was nice, and I'm grateful we were able to do so, but it was short and I didn't really have a chance to ask questions or allow her to ask questions of us. This visit was different.

We were accompanied on our trip by Bisrat Fantahun, who acted as our translator. He's an amazing man with an incredible testimony, but that's another post altogether! The drive out to Woliso was about 2 hours, and the scenery was beautiful. I was nervous as we drove, wondering what Tigist would be like, if she would want to talk with us or if she'd be resentful of us for being able to have Ellie all the time. My fears were short-lived.

We met Tigist at the orphanage where Ellie was. We began our time there with a short walk around, seeing again where Ellie had slept and some of the other rooms. We walked out of the girl's dorm and Tigist came running to us. She literally ran into my arms and hugged me. Both of us were crying, and I looked up to see that Jeff was crying too. This is indeed a moment I will never forget!

It was our honor to take Tigist to lunch at the Negash Lodge in Woliso. What a great time!! This place is stunningly beautiful, a bit of a surprise in the middle of a town of such poverty. We sat down to lunch and were able to talk. Tigist told us her story, not exactly what we had heard in the past. It's so good to know the full truth of how Ellie came to be at the orphanage from her mouth. We shared stories of Ellie and more pictures. We were also able to tell her of Ellie's younger sister, and what a joy to see her face when she heard that her girls would grow up knowing each other!! WOW! She told us of her work, how she lives on 200 birr a month (about $11), and after paying rent, had only $7 a month left to live on. That's about 25 cents a day, folks. My heart sunk in hearing that. Even in Ethiopia, that's not enough.
Negash is known for the monkeys that live there, and we were not disappointed. After lunch, we went outside and were able to feed the monkeys. They ate right out of our hands! What a blessing to see Tigist smile and hear her laugh (JUST LIKE ELLIE'S LAUGH!). She told us "this is the only fun day I've ever had in life", and I don't doubt that at all. Then she asked us if we would like to come to her home for a visit. What an honor!

Tigist lives in a 10x12 mud and straw home. She was so proud to have us there, smiling for pictures with us. It was meager, but she was so proud of it. She had taken such care to decorate it, and I was humbled by all of it. I was overwhelmed at the thought of my little girl lying on that dirt floor to sleep.

Here's one thing I know for sure. Had Ellie been able to live with Tigist, she would not have the gazillion dresses she has now. She wouldn't have barbie dolls, coloring books or princess dresses. She would likely never go to school, learn to read, take dance or gymnastic lessons. But there is one thing she would NEVER be lacking, and that is love. Tigist loves her daughters. Of this I am sure! I saw it in her eyes, in the tears that fell on her face. They were tears of joy, knowing that her daughter has what she couldn't give. I felt it in the way she held my hand as we walked together. She held my hand with love and gentleness, not with any animosity or begrudging feelings. I felt it in the way she hugged me, as if she were thankful for me for how I love her little girl.

We connected that day. I feel a closeness to her that I can't explain. She's not a believer, yet I believe that God put this closeness within us. I believe it was His design that led us together. It is my honor to share Ellie Kedest, to mother her on Tigist's behalf. I pray I do it justice. I believe that God has a purpose for Ellie to be here, but I also believe that in a perfect world, her birth mother would be the one tucking her in to bed every night. I don't take this lightly, this gift we have been given.

Tomorrow we celebrate 2 years since we first held Ellie. It's been a gift far beyond my imagination. It's hard to remember life before her, before princesses, barbies, beads and braids, dresses, hair bows, singing and dancing all the time. It's hard to remember who I was before her. I don't really want to remember. She has changed me; Well, God has changed me through her. People tell us all the time that she is so lucky to have us. The truth is that we are the ones who are blessed.

Tonight my thoughts are with Tigist, wondering if she remembers that tomorrow is the anniversary of the day we first met. I wonder if she's staring at Ellie's picture and thinking of her. I pray she knows that we are telling Ellie of her every day, reminding her that she is loved by two mommas- one who gave her life, and one who holds her daily. I promised her that day to tell Ellie her story, of how her first mother loved her so much that she sacrificed everything for her. It's a promise I will keep.

Happy Gotcha Day, Ellie Kedest! I'm so blessed by you in our lives. I love love love being your momma!! I love watching you with your big brother, and I love how you are such a daddy's girl! I love celebrating you in our family!!

Thoughts on Ethiopia... part 1

2011-08-07T12:48:00.000-07:00

Many of you have asked about our trip to Ethiopia. To say that it was incredible, mind-blowing, life-changing, awesome, etc etc is all just an understatement. It WAS all of those things. But it was so much more. It was redemption, sacrifice, vulnerability, humility, healing, convicting...

I've put off posting here for a little while so I could pull my thoughts together. I could write stories for days, if truth be told. But I don't want to just tell stories. If that's all I do now that I'm home, it's all been in vain. What I want is for people to see the change in me, in my life, and to be able to say why I'm different. Because, believe me, I AM DIFFERENT NOW.

This morning was my first time in corporate worship since we've been home (we took last week off to catch up on sleep and try to get over some jet lag). It was hard for me. It was too comfortable. I know that may sound odd to some of you. To explain, I'm going to share with you an excerpt of I wrote in my journal while at the Covenant Church in Ethiopia.

The Spirit is alive here this morning. I've watched the young man in front of me weep as he raises his hands in praise to God. I watched a family of 4 come in and immediately kneel. The mother seems both relieved and broken to be here- a picture of conflict. It's as if this place truly is her resting place on earth, as if she's been waiting for this moment all week long. I watched as she buried her face in her hands and wept, all the while her young daughter danced and sang in the aisle beside her.

The people here worship as if they really believe that God is listening. It's beautiful, scary, exciting, passionate, lively and ultimately it is convicting to me. How often do I sit in my pew and wait for something good to happen? How often do I walk into church with a thousand things on my mind and none of them Jesus? How many times have I felt led to lift my hands, but don't because I'm worried about what someone behind me might think? How many times have I entered into worship thinking of Holly instead of my Savior? Here I sit , a little cold on this rainy morning, watching the rain drop down onto the man across the aisle, unable to understand the language being spoken (Amharic), wondering if their bathroom has toilet paper. All of these things run through my mind and more. But the only thing that really matters is Christ glorified. And I know without a doubt that He has been glorified here today.

Here's the thing about that worship time. The people who came there brought everything they had; they brought themselves. They didn't have fancy clothes, cars, bibles, programs, bulletins, orders of worship. none of that mattered at all. They brought themselves to their Savior, broken and spilled out for the One they love. They came surrendered in their poverty, their need, their desire, their sickness, their desperation. And they bowed down to the One they know is greater than all of that. They worshiped with complete abandon, their only thought to bring glory to the Father. They came broken, hungry, hopeless, poor, in need. But they left whole, full, hopeful, rich in His grace, satisfied with Jesus.

This morning, I entered my church broken by my sin, hungry for His word, poor without Him in my life, in need of a Savior. And He was faithful, as He always is. I met God there because I was looking for Him. I came ready to worship, having put all of the unimportant things away.

My sweet Ethiopian friends taught me that it doesn't matter what our circumstances are, what our clothes look like, how full our bellies are, what our church looks like (even if there is rain pouring in the sanctuary!), or if there were crying kids in the service. They reminded me that what matters is whether of not I'm there seeking to meet Jesus. Because HE IS ALWAYS THERE, seeking to meet with me.

May I never forget this experience. May I worship with reckless abandon, the One who gave His life for me. May I experience daily the freedom He bought for me, for where His spirit is, there is freedom indeed. God be blessed.

The Thing about Water...

2011-07-14T05:40:00.000-07:00

The World Health Organization estimates that 80% of all sickness in the world can be attributed to unsafe water and inadequate sanitation.

Every year, approximately 19 MILLION children die from diarrheal disease.

In the world's poorest countries, 5,000 children die EVERY DAY. 90% of those deaths are due to unsafe drinking water.

Women and children spend more than 200 MILLION hours collecting water from distant, often polluted, sources.

A child dies every 15 seconds from unsafe drinking water, poor sanitation and hygiene.

If we did nothing more that provide clean drinking water, without any medical intervention, we could save more than 2 million lives a year.

These stats came from the website of Edge Outreach, and are a compilation of stats from places like the World Health Organization, UNICEF, Edge Outreach, and Fresh Water Society. Reading those words hurt, don't they? I mean, I poured out a perfectly good cup of fresh clean water this morning just because I didn't like the temperature it was. People around the world would never think of doing that. For them, that lukewarm water is life-saving.

In just 6 days, Jeff and I leave for Ethiopia, where we will have the privilege of being able to give the gift of clean water to a community of people who have never had it before. We will be traveling with One Child Campaign as part of an orphan awareness trip, and this is just a portion of what we'll be doing and seeing while in Ethiopia. When I first blogged about this trip, we talked of how excited we were to take clean water to the place where Ellie was born. Things have transpired, unfortunately, that are out of our control and have hindered us from being able to travel to that area. However, we wholeheartedly trust that God has another plan, and we are so excited to stll be able to go and take this gift to others in need.

We spent yesterday training at Edge Outreach to learn how to "purify" water and make it safe for drinking. I don't have the words to tell you how incredible the staff at Edge Outreach are or how much I believe in the ministry they are doing. Seriously, check them out here to see a group that is truly being the hands and feet of Jesus. We left there feeling confident that we can really do this, and my excitement is more heightened than ever!

Here is the truth: If people are suffering and sick, it's hard to tell them about a God who is the Great Physician. If they are starving, it's hard for them to hear of the Bread of Life. And if their water is bad, how can we tell them of Living Water? Oh, but now.. now we'll be able to tell them that just as their water is now clean, their hearts can be too. THIS is why we are going.

So many of you have made this possible. You've given selflessly to this effort, with your money, your prayers, your rescources. We are so grateful to you, and we don't take it lightly. You are a part of this journey as well, and I promise to share all that God teaches us with you!

Please pray for us as we prepare to leave. Pray for safe travels and that we are able to get all materials for the water system into Ethiopia without any snags. Pray for our children who are going to be here in KY with friends and family (and for us as we are away from them this long- YIKES!!) Pray that lives are changed in Ethiopia, both physically and spiritually. Pray for the people of Ethiopia who live difficult lives that you and I can never fully understand.

I can't wait to share more with you!

Where does the time go?

2011-06-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

To say that I'm a blog slacker is a huge understatement!! I really hope to do a better job at this thing...

Father's day has come and gone, yet I cannot pass up the opportunity to say what a wonderful dad Jeff is to our kids. He has the biggest heart I've ever seen. His love is so obvious, and he is so great with them! I love watching how can go from wrestling with Bryan or head-banging with him to dancing "like a prince" with Ellie all dressed up in her princess costumes. Yet he does it every day. and he does it well.

Jeff, you are my hero. I love how you father our kids. I love that our Heavenly Father is your role model of the dad you want to be. I love how you lead us spiritually every day. You rock in every way! I love you!!

On a different note, yesterday was "Healing Day" in our home. 4 years ago, God healed Bryan from a year long struggle with horrible stomach issues that led to 6 surgeries in 11 months. I cannot begin to say how grateful I am to look at him, healthy and strong and full of life. Thank you God for healing our son, for giving his energy back, his smile back. Thank you for the joy of being able to watch him grow into the young man he now is.

Bryan, it is a joy to watch you live. I don't take a single day for granted with you, and I pray you don't either! YOU are a blessing, inside and out, and words could never express how grateful I am that you are healthy again.

Finally, it's just 4 weeks (from today) until we leave for Ethiopia! Oh, I'm getting so excited!!! More to come on that!

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

This is why I celebrate. Thank you God for entrusting these two to me. This is my greatest calling.

My children are such a blessing to me. They bring me such pride and joy, and it is a complete honor to raise them in the ways of the Lord. I don't know why God chose me, but I'm oh so glad He did!! They give me reason to celebrate today and every day.

I can't let this day pass without acknowledging the beautiful lady in Ethiopia that made the ultimate sacrifice that ultimately allowed me the privilege of being a mom to Ellie. Tigist, you are a hero to me. You've taught me what it means to love your child unconditionally, to love enough that you would sacrifice being able to watch her grow. You've given me an incredible gift, and my words will never say enough of how much I appreciate you.

renewal...

2011-03-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

Today I took part in the Lord's supper at church. I sat there, holding the bread that represented His body, broken for me, and I was struck with just how much He loves me.

He loves you too, my friend.

This song has been playing in my mind all day, and it speaks what my heart is feeling.

You Are For Me
So faithful, so constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do.
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You.

chorus:
I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness
I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me of who You are.

So patient, so gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You.
(Repeat chorus)

More than anything in this world, I want to be like my Jesus. And I realize that means sacrifice, even to death. It scares me to think of that kind of commitment, but I'm all in. I don't want to be casual about my walk with God. I'm sold out. I want the fullness of God, the freaky side of God. And I want Him to have all of me... the secret parts I hope no one knows about, the loud and boisterous parts as well. I'm His.

May I never forget what He has done for me. And as He is breaking my heart for the things that break His, may I live in such a way that brings glory to Him alone.

He is for me. What else could I possibly hope for?

Happy 15th Bryan!

2011-02-27T18:55:00.000-08:00

15 years ago tonight, I went to bed thinking of you, but surely not expecting to see your face so soon. There were no contractions to warn us of your coming...yet here you came nonetheless. You've been full of surprises from the very start! I should have known when you came on Leap Day that you were always going to be full of surprises!

My first glimpse of you was of your tiny foot. That's it; just 5 little toes and that chubby foot, and I was head over heels in love. (My oh my, how things have changed! It's not tiny anymore!!) I didn't even know yet that you were a boy. I just knew you were my baby, and that was enough.

It's always been enough. I loved you then, and I love you now, just because you're my son. And that is a beautiful thing.

I'm proud of you Bryan. I see in you a young man who is learning what the world is about, and more importantly who is learning what God is about. I see you working out your faith for yourself, and I'm glad you are. I pray it becomes more real every day, and that you live it out loud always.

I love your laugh, your quirky sense of humor. I love your eclectic style, your charm, your wit. I love your talent. I love that you are your own person, not worried about being just like everyone else around you.

For 15 years, I've watched you grow. It has been my complete joy to be your mom. I love you so much, and I'll always be your biggest fan! You bring joy to my heart every single day... even when you mess up or have to be taken to the ER (again!). You are exactly what I had dreamed of in a son, and my life is richer because of you.

Happy 15th Birthday Bryan! I love you so much!

Love,
Mom~~~

The Woliso Project

2011-02-21T17:47:00.000-08:00

I'm literally giddy with excitement as I type this out. I'm in awe of how God orchestrates things, drawing people together from all over to work toward one common goal. This project is a culmination of prayers prayed by Jeff and I and so many others for the past 18 months, since we first stepped foot in Ethiopia and our hearts were forever changed. Read on to see how you can be a part of God's work.

Be prepared for your life to change too!

I’ll start with some background. In August 2009, Jeff, Bryan and I, brought home Ellie from Ethiopia through the miracle of adoption. While in country, we were able to visit her home village and orphanage. Ellie is from a town called Woliso, about 2- 2 ½ hours south of the capital city of Addis Ababa. In Woliso is the Emmanuel Orphanage which is run by Job. Job was the first Christian to ever come to Woliso which is primarily a Muslim community. We were thrilled to meet Job as we knew that he was instrumental in saving our daughter’s life by bringing her to the orphanage. We were also able to meet many of the remaining orphans at the center while there as well as visit with Ellie’s birth mother in the town. We saw firsthand the great need for so many things in Woliso.

First and foremost, they need clean water. Our hearts were burdened for this when we came back to the US, as we brought Ellie home with 5 parasites that took 9 months of treatment to completely get rid of. We began some basic training with Edge Outreach in Louisville KY, which is a ministry that provides clean water to places where it is not available. However, in order to get that water to Ethiopia, we needed to have a good partnership in the country. Adoption guidelines prohibited us from sending money or resources directly to the orphanage, so we prayed and waited on God.

In the recent few months, we have become aware of and met Caleb and Becca David who run a non profit ministry called One Child Campaign. Their goal is to not only raise awareness, but to provide a way for the Church to get involved in impacting the lives of the orphans around the world. This couple, along with their precious daughter, are living out James 1:27 every day,and they are changing the world one literally one child at a time! What a blessing to now call them friends! They have recently begun work in Woliso, and when we learned of this, we knew that we were meant to work together. We plan to travel to Ethiopia with One Child Campaign in July of this year and will use our training from Edge Outreach (will be trained to install water cleansing treatment from them in the near future) to take clean water to Woliso. God is answering our prayers!

There are many needs in Woliso besides just the water. However, getting clean water there is certainly a priority. At this time, there are approximately 45 orphans living at Emmanuel, many of whom have malaria and are carrying parasites. Their food supply is extremely limited, and malnourishment is evident. They are in need of beds,school supplies, mosquito netting, a new sewage system (as they currently have open sewage which is a hotbed for malaria!) as well as clothes and shoes.

We realize that we may not be able to provide for every one of these needs right now. But we also know that God has a heart for these children and their needs. We have seen this firsthand, and we cannot ignore it! We would love for you to be a part of this with us as well.

The cost of a water system (generator, two tanks, stand for the system to be placed on, transport to Ethiopia) is approximately $5000. Anything we can raise above that amount will be used for the other needs in the area. Certainly there can never be enough given to outdo the need!
Please consider helping us meet these needs. I’d love to sit and talk more with you about this if you like. Any donations can be made directly to One Child Campaign which will send funds as needed to Edge Outreach for the clean water system. A tax deduction is also available for this. You can donate online to One Child Campaign here. If you choose to give, you can note "Woliso water project" on your donation. Checks can be mailed to:
One Child Campaign, PO BOX 702441 Tulsa, OK 74170 with "Woliso" in the memo.

Some have asked if they can give to help us personally with the cost of travel, and the answer is "YES!". As you can imagine, this is an expensive trip for us to take. Total cost will be approximately $5000-$6000, depending on airfare rates. Donations for that can also be sent directly to One Child, with a notation made that it is for "Prosser travel".

We realize that not everyone can give financially. But you can certainly pray, and that is truly coveted at this time as we work to raise money for travel and projects. Pray for the David family as they work diligently to provide hope for so many children. Pray for the orphans in Woliso and all around the world. Pray that the hearts of God's people are moved with His compassion to care for those in need around the world. You can also travel with us! This is certainly not limited to Jeff and I. The more, the merrier!! Let me know if you are interested, and I'll get details to you. I can't promise comfort or 5 star accommodations, but I can promise you will never be the same.

You can also spread the word. There is no shortage of resources in this country. We just have to allow the needs to be heard. Tell everyone you know. Tell your church, your small group, your book club, your Zumba group, your best friend, your hair stylist, your mailman, your co-workers, your dog groomer... everyone! I'm convinced that many don't give because they don't know the need.

Thank you for caring for the “least of these” along with us. I am so excited to see how God will move the hearts of his people to bring not only water, but the message of God's eternal love to the people of Woliso.

I'll keep ya posted!

Who Needs Gifts??

2011-02-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

He's my Valentine today

And every other day of the year as well.

He's my best friend
And so much more.

Just look at him....
What's not to love?

I love you Jeff... today and every day of my life! I don't need a gift when I have you....

yes, it's for real

2011-02-10T13:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sometimes amazed at the questions I'm asked about adoption. I don't really get angry anymore (I did at first, admittedly). Now, more and more, I'm just saddened by it all. Ignorance really isn't bliss, is it? So, I'd like to set the record straight on one thing- once and for all, just in case any of you were wondering.

Ellie is my REAL daughter.

No, I did not give birth to her. She did not come from my womb. She doesn't have my genes or my blood flowing through her veins. If she were in need of blood, I might not be able to give it to her. Her DNA does not match my own.

HOWEVER...

The Creator of the Universe carved out a master plan that placed her in my arms. She is a spunky at 4 as her brother was. She has the same gleam in her eye when she laughs as her daddy does. She has never met a stranger, also like her daddy. She has a free and boisterous laugh like I do. She loves all things girly, just like this momma does. She has a heart for people like I do, and she sees the good in others easily like her daddy. She is creative and mischief as well- just like her brother.

I didn't have to give birth to her physically to birth a love for her. My bond with her is the same as my bond with Bryan. His took 9 months of pregnancy to develop; hers took time once she was home with us. I am not disappointed that I didn't have her naturally. She is our gift, and we are thrilled at that. We didn't adopt to replace the 4 babies that we lost to miscarriage. Ellie is no replacement for anything. She is simply our daughter.

When God places a love in you for someone, it doesn't have to make sense. I love her. That's all there is to it. I'm blessed beyond measure at the two children God has entrusted to me. I believe He perfectly orchestrated this family, and I will do my very best to honor Him at this most precious work of mothering them.

Whew....glad I got that off my chest. Now, I've got some kiddos to love on!

Intentional Marriage

2011-01-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

For several months now, I've felt the need to pray fervently for the health and safety of my marriage. Some of this is because I've watched the marriages of several around me struggle, and I don't want to allow Satan to get a foothold in my own. Some of this is simply because it's an absolute honor to pray for Jeff and our marriage.

When we took vows, 17 1/2 years ago now, we promised to always put God first, then each other second. And what I'm realizing is that in order to fulfill those vows in today's world, you have to be willing to have what I call an "intentional marriage".

What I mean by that is this: purposely sacrificing my needs for his, purposely making what I know he will prefer for dinner when I know he's had a long day- even when it's not what I had originally planned, purposely getting Ellie and Bryan involved in some activity or chore before he gets home from work so that he can have time to himself for a few minutes- especially when I know it's been a long day, purposely carving out time to pray for Jeff, his ministry and his leadership in our family. I'm not always good at this; please don't think that. But I do always try. I value my marriage, and I'm willing to do the intentional things to keep it healthy and vibrant.

One thing that Jeff and I have been better about is intentional time together. This afternoon, we will be heading out of Richmond for 2 nights of alone time. The rules are as follows: no schedules, no alarm clocks, and no talk about the kids. Simple.

And we're good at it :)

I love my husband. I love my kids too, but let's face it... without my husband, I woudln't have the blessings of those two kiddos. I will always put him first, submit to him (because that's biblical ladies, and he is doing his part in that biblical equation too) , and honor him. And I'll ALWAYS be willing to get away for a couple of nights to celebrate this gift of marriage that God has given us!

So... go get your spouse. Get out your calendars, and carve out some intentional time for your marriage as well. I promise it will be worth it!

PS. Special thanks to my incredible mother-in-love for taking care of our kids so we can do this getaway! Love you Joann!

Orphan Awareness Month

2010-11-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

Unicef recently stated that there are now an estimated 163 million orphans in the world today. You read that right.

163 MILLION CHILDREN

While we sit in our nice warm homes with full pantries and closets full of clothes we never wear, there are 163 million children out there doing without.

Without families.
Without shelter.
Without food.
Without clothes.
Without security.
Without safety.
Without hope.

So, while we sit and wonder if we should help them, do you know what is happening to them?

They are searching through garbage for food.
They are waiting. Alone.
They are wandering the dangerous streets of cities.
They are forced into labor in order to eat.
They are forced into the sex trade.
They are beaten.
They are belittled.
They hide in the bushes while wild dogs threaten to eat them.

This is the reality of so many in our world, and we MUST make people aware. I was once unaware too. Then God brought a tiny little girl named Kedest into our world, and she changed me. She has taught me.

She has told me some of the stories I listed above.

Someone said to me recently "I'm so glad that there are good orphanages out there for these kids". Let me tell you this: Living in an orphanage is not the same as being in a family! I'm forever grateful for the love and care our Ellie Kedest was given in her orphanage. I know without a doubt that they saved her life physically. But she was still in need; SHE NEEDED A FAMILY.

ALL CHILDREN NEED A FAMILY.

The journey of adoption is not easy. Really, is there anything in life of worth that is? What I know is this. In the past year, I've watched God redeem my daughter's life. I've watched Him pour life into her little body. I've watched Him grow her- physically, emotionally and spiritually. I've watched Him speak peace into her heart. I've watched as He used someone as unworthy as me to make a difference in her life. But really, SHE has made a difference in me more than I could have ever imagined. She is the perfect picture of His redemption. I'm reminded of this passage of scripture that says "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; You are mine"(Isaiah 43:1b).

Could it be that He is calling You to adopt as well?

NOTE: I know that not everyone is called to open their homes and bring a child in. But as followers of Christ, we ARE all called to help the orphan. James 1:27 tell us "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."

What are you doing to follow God's command to take care of the orphans?

Consider one of these opportunities.
http://www.compassion.com/
http://celebratechildren.org/
http://www.princeofpeacegt.com/index.html
http://www.sunrise.org/com

Until they are all home...

Just one little rock...

2010-09-17T12:25:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday night, after all activities at church were finished, Bryan was riding his longboard in the church parking lot. He was doing what he does every Wednesday night, just passing the time while waiting on Jeff and I. As I turned the corner towards the doors to leave, I saw our friend William walking Bryan inside.

I had no idea what was hurting, but I knew it was bad.

Bryan was as white as a ghost and shaking. I thought immediately, "he's either going to throw up or pass out", and I went to him. He was holding his left arm to himself and obviously in tremendous pain. He simply said, "I heard it pop. Something is bad". I knew then; he had broken a bone. There was no moving that arm; it just hurt too much. We loaded him into the car and headed to the emergency room.

An hour and a couple of x-rays later, it was confirmed. Bryan's clavicle (collar bone) was snapped in half. We were referred to the orthopedic surgeon to evaluate. He was put in a sling and a wrap to immobilize his arm for the night, and we were sent home. The next day, the orthopedic surgeon graciously told us surgery was not necessary (thank you Lord!), and Bryan was placed in a harness for an unknown length of time.

It's hard to watch your kids in pain, isn't it? There isn't much I dislike more than that!! But something struck me as Bryan and I were talking on the way home from the hospital. When I asked him what had happened, he said, "Everything was fine, then there was this tiny little rock that got stuck under my wheel. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground". That's when it hit me; this is exactly the same thing that happens to us with sin.

I know that in my life, sometimes things are going fine, and then I give in to a temptation, take my eyes off of Christ, think I can handle things on my own.... and the next thing I know, I'm on the ground. And I'm hurt. And, because He's my Abba- my Daddy, God hurts too. It pains Him to see me hurting. And like any good, caring and faithful parent, He lovingly and gingerly picks me up and takes care of me.

The cool thing about God is that His touch is immediately healing. There is no harness needed for 8-12 weeks with His touch. I can't do that for Bryan (oh, how I wish I could!), but God does that for His children all the time. He offers forgiveness and sanctification immediately and free, just for the taking. But unless we choose to stay focused on Him, we will fall again.

What rocks are in your path today? Are you rolling toward them completely unaware of their presence? Are you looking the other way, thinking that you'll avoid them somehow? Or are you fixing your eyes on Jesus? Listen to this: "Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us". (Hebrews 12:1)

Is there something you need to "throw off" today?

Gotcha Day~

2010-08-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

then...

now...

I can hardly believe it's been a year since I first held my baby girl! On one hand, it feels as if I blinked, and the time was gone. On the other hand, I look at the progress she has made in a year, and I'm astonished that she could learn so much in just 12 months.

Last year, on this night, I was sitting in a little guest house room in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, staring across the room at this beautiful and TINY stranger who was my daughter. I felt awe and wonder and fear and confusion all at once.

Tonight, I have conflicting emotions again. On one hand, I feel utter gratitude. Earlier, I stood for a moment and stared at this little girl that I now know inside and out and thanked God for the gift of her in our lives. I can't explain how I've been changed in the past year. People tell us all the time what a wonderful thing we've done for Ellie. The truth is that SHE is the one who has done something for us. It's not unlike the changes I went through when Bryan first came into this world. He changed so much about who I am. Ellie has been no different, for sure. I'm not the same person I was on August 9th, 2009.

On the other hand, I sit here tonight feeling complete thankfulness and some sadness for Ellie's birth mother, Tigist. I wish I could sit and have a cup of coffee with her and tell her that her baby girl is fine now. I wish I could show her that she is no longer too thin, that she has plenty to eat and clean water to drink. I wish that she could have heard Ellie singing "How Great is Our God" today on the way home or watched her dance around the table in her tutu tonight before bed. I wish she could hear Ellie say, "I love you mom" to her. She must wonder about her; I know she loves her. I could see it in her eyes one year ago today when I had the privilege of meeting her. I wish that I could tell her all of the funny things that Ellie does. I wish I knew if Ellie cocked her head to the side when she was thinking hard because that what Tigist does.

Ellie knows the story of her birth mom, at least what she can understand for now. She looks at her picture and smiles brightly, exclaiming "that's my other mommy!". I love that! There is no jealousy at all in me when she asks about her. I'm forever indebted to this beautiful lady across the world, and I'm thrilled to teach Ellie about the beautiful sacrifice she made out of love.

Lest anyone gets the wrong idea, today was certainly not a sad day in our home! We let Ellie pick the place for dinner (McDonald's of course!), then came home to have a tea party with the cupcakes Ellie made last night. She also had a celebration with her friends at daycare as she took them cupcakes too! There were balloons (her favorite) and a new tutu for a present! We celebrate that she is home with us forever! We celebrate that her story is the story of what God does for all of us when He redeems us and brings us into His family.
Thank you Abba, for adopting me as your daughter. Thank you for using our journey to bring Ellie home and this precious year with her, to remind me every day of your unimaginable love for all of us. Thank you that your plan is to never leave any child alone, that you desire to set the orphan in families. Thank you for choosing us, for choosing me, and for letting me rejoice in the gift of this sweet sweet family you've given to me.

Happy Gotcha Day Ellie! I'm so glad you're my girl! We love you... forever and ever and ever.

Happy 17th!

2010-08-06T18:44:00.000-07:00

17 years ago right now, I was getting ready to go to bed for the last night as Holly Johnson. There were a million thoughts running through my mind... what if I fell walking down the aisle at the wedding? What if he said "No"? (Not a chance!)What if I didn't know how to be a wife? (does anyone ever know that at the beginning?) What if I don't like sharing a bed with someone? What if he snores? What if I snore?

But I can tell you that one question that never crossed my mind was "What if it doesn't last?" I knew without a doubt that it would last until death. That was part of the deal. This was not something we were going into without much prayer and thought. We were committed.. not only to one another, but mostly to God. We made a promise that the "d" word would never enter our home, and it hasn't. We've never uttered that word to each other, not even in jest. There's no place for it here.

Seventeen years later, we are still honeymooning. We are still head over heels in love, just like we were on August 7th, 1993. We're both a bit grayer. We're wiser than we were (thank you Lord!). But we are CRAZY in love!

So, in honor of 17 precious years together, here's a list of 17 things that I love about my man and our marriage.

1. After 17 years, he still gives me butterflies when he kisses me!
2. He still opens all the doors for me
3. I still love the way he serves me.
4. I still love love love serving him!
5. We still date. And often!
6. He still kisses me first when he comes home.
7. He tells me I'm beautiful, and he means it.
8. I believe I'm beautiful because God said it, but I love hearing it from Jeff!
9. We're coffee snobs with cool mugs.
10. Our kids are fantastic and bring us much joy and satisfaction.
11. We worship together.
12. We share our dreams and hopes together.
13. My favorite spot in the world is right next to him.
14. We have plans for the future that excite me!
15. We are passionate about helping to combat poverty around the world.
16. We have a marriage worthy of bragging rights. I'm proud of us.
17. God is now, and has always been, the center of our marriage. That's why we work.

Folks, I don't kid around about this. I know too many people with marriages that are broken or hurting. It breaks my heart that not everyone can share the kind of love and joy we have here. But it's not because Jeff and I are so special. It's because GOD IS. Without Him, we're just two people trying to make it. With Him in the center, we can't fail.

I love you Jeff. I love doing life together. I love waking up and knowing you'll be right there beside me that night again. I love knowing that you love God more than me, and I love loving Him more than I do you. It's what makes us tick, and we tick rather well! You are my best friend, my love, the one who calms me, makes me laugh til I cry, the one I want beside me forever.

I'll love you forever,
Bird~

My intentions...

2010-07-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

I am officially on vacation. I go back to work on the 26th of this month. Perhaps it will look like this????

Happy Daughter Day!

2010-07-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

One year ago...
~ you were an orphan

~you had no clothes of your own

~your name was Kedest X

~ you were unsure of your next meal

~ you didn't know how to play with friends

~ your eyes were filled with uncertainty

~ you had no idea how awesome a big brother could be

~ you were waiting for Mommy & Daddy

Today...
~ you are an orphan NO MORE

~ your favorite thing is to choose which dress and shoes you'll wear for the day

~ your name is Ellie Kedest Prosser, meaning "shining light" (Ellie) and "holy" (Kedest)

~ you love to eat, and you are learning to trust there will always be plenty for you

~ you spend your days with friends, laughing and having fun.. like a little girl should!

~ your eyes are filled with wonder and excitement

~ you think your big brother hung the moon~

~ you have a Mommy & Daddy at your side always and forever

On July 2, 2009, the Ethiopian courts declared that Kedest X was ours. She has had 365 days of being Ellie Kedest Prosser, and we've had that long of calling her ours. It's a beautiful thing, and we can't say thanks to the Lord enough for entrusting her to us. We have had 365 days of being oh so grateful for the sacrificial love of Ellie's birth mother, Tigist, whom we will forever love and cherish. My heart has been torn for 365 days with the love of this precious girl and the knowing that her birth mom will never have the joy of knowing her like I do. I am simply not worthy of this gift.

So, on this day, we give thanks to the Father of all, who created this child and formed her in her birth mother's womb, then lovingly placed her in our arms. Praise be to God alone!

Psalm 68:6- God sets the lonely in families.

Healing Day

2010-06-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

June 21st is a holiday in our home. I've talked about it before, but some of you (of all 10 of you who read) may not realize the significance behind this holiday. So, let me explain.

About 4-5 years ago, Bryan was diagnosed with an inactive colon. Simply put, he had no muscle tone in his colon, so simple things like going to the bathroom were not simple for him. Little did we know how horrible that problem could be. He endured (embarrassing) treatments for about a year and a half or two years, but none were successful. We were at the point of having to go into the hospital over night for treatments every few months... NOT a fun thing for a young boy!

After much prayer and a couple of professional opinions, we decided to allow Bryan to undergo a fairly new treatment option in which a tube would be implanted into his upper colon, by way of his appendix. Through this tube, we would be able to "flush" out his colon and keep it clean, with the idea that when clean, the colon could heal itself and regain its muscle functioning. It seemed our only hope at that point, and we trusted his doctor (our hero!)

In July of 2006, just before the start of his 6th grade year, Bryan had his surgery. Right off, things were going well. Then in September, he developed an abscess that ruptured. We were back at the hospital for emergency surgery. I can't tell you how afraid we were. I am a nurse; I know the dangers of a ruptured abscess, and Bryan was a very sick boy! I sat by his side in the hospital, praying over him and asking God to heal him. It was at his bedside then that God began to work in my heart to give Him complete control in my life, and stop worshipping my child instead of Him.

Bryan recuperated from that surgery, but in December of 2006, he was back in the hospital for surgery #3 due to another infection that had developed. I think it was February that brought surgery #4, after Bryan accidentally pulled out the tube (yes, that was GROSS), and Surgery #5 came in April from yet ANOTHER infection. We finally said to our doctor that we could not continue to go through this ordeal anymore.

The year had taken its toll on our family. We were tired from constant doctor's visits and hospital stays. But our (mine and Jeff's) tiredness did not even hold a candle to Bryan's. He was depressed, a completely different person. He no longer smiled. He had a fever for 11 solid months before it was all over and done with. He hurt constantly. He was becoming bitter, believing that God was not hearing his prayers to heal him. If I'm honest, I wondered myself if God had heard our prayers.

On June 21, 2007,, Bryan underwent surgery for the 6th and final time to have his cecostomy tube removed (along with his Appendix which had a hole in it from the tube being anchored there). The doctor warned us that he had likely not gotten to use the tube enough for it to be effective. He also warned us that Bryan had endured so much infection that he would likely have to remove part of his colon during the surgery. We were scared, wondering what we would do next if this had not worked. But really, we just wanted our son back.

Bryan went into surgery that morning, and a couple of hours later, Dr. Iocono came out with a huge smile on his face. He said that Bryan's colon "looked like any healthy 11 year old boy's should". It had looked like "the colon of an 85 year old man" when this started. Not only that, but NONE of the colon had to be removed. He was perfectly fine!

He has NEVER had a problem with his colon again.

EVER.

We know that the hand of God was at work in the operating room that day. I know fully that God could have chosen to heal Bryan before any of these surgeries began. He could have healed him after the ruptured abscess. But He chose to give us a miracle by allowing us to walk together through that year, through all 6 surgeries and the HORRIFIC treatments that were in between. He gave us a miracle in that we knew He was surely with us, comforting us and giving us Hope and Peace and Grace. And by His grace, He chose to heal Bryan completely in the end.

The truth is, He could have chosen NOT to heal Bryan. And He would still be God. And He would still be good and worthy of our praise.

I thank God every day for the miracle of Bryan's health and life. I thank Him for the testimony of God's healing and faithfulness that Bryan has to carry with him forever. I thank Him that Bryan's hope is restored again. He smiles again.

I thank Him for the invaluable lessons He taught me during that journey. I thank Him for Who He is, not just what He has done.

Healing Day is our way of saying "we recognize what you did and what you continue to do, God. We won't forget".

So, how about you? What holidays are you celebrating? How are you commemorating God's faithfulness to you?

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

2010-06-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

I've been blessed to not only be raised by a great dad, but I also married one. He's pretty darn HOT too!

I love you Jeff... you are a wonderful dad to our two miracles! I hope you know how much you are loved and celebrated every day!

Becoming Radical

2010-06-10T18:55:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to write this post for a while, but there was a part of me that wanted to hide it because I felt some shame about it. I hope you'll get that as you read. Just know that I've spent hours in prayer about what I want to say here, and I hope that you'll hear my heart. More importantly, I hope you'll hear my Father's heart.

We brought Ellie home 10 months ago. We actually met her 10 months ago today. My life has not been the same since. Before meeting her face to face, God was already changing me from the inside out. But seeing her face to face, and holding her tiny body in my arms did something I can't explain. It was very much like what He did in me when I held Bryan for the first time.

Many people have asked me over the past 10 months if I can imagine life without Ellie here. For a long time, I felt ashamed to say "yes". But if I tell the truth, I CAN still imagine life without her here. I didn't say that I liked what I imagined, but perhaps not for the reasons you think. Most people ask that, thinking that my answers will be all about me not being with her, me not having her to hold, me not having the little girl I've always wanted.

I don't like to imagine life without Ellie here because I wonder if she would still be sitting in that orphanage too scared to talk, not playing, not singing, just existing. I wonder if she'd still be living, carrying the five parasites and perhaps even more by now in her already-too-thin body. I wonder if she'd feel the despair of loneliness or if she'd be able to recognize that is what she was feeling. I wonder if she'd still be battling the memories of her past alone, or if she would ever find someone there in Ethiopia that she trusted enough to tell her story to. I wonder if her eyes would still be deep and endless with uncertainty like we saw in so many pictures of her.

I wonder.

Yes, I do wonder what I would do without having to pick up hundreds of hair beads every day that the cat loves to play with. I do wonder what I ever did with all of my spare time before she was with us. I wonder what I did with all of this extra love that was inside of me. I wonder what it would be like to still ask for a table for 3. But all of those latter "wonderings" are just selfish- all about me and my desires. And well, I don't want to be a selfish person anymore. Period.

Some have been surprised by my answer of "yes, I can imagine not having her here". For a long time, I simply said "no, I can't" and left it at that. But that wasn't true. I have tried to explain it to people, but I have failed miserably, leaving them thinking that I haven't bonded with Ellie or that I don't love her.

To be honest, I have felt like I haven't bonded with her, and I've even shamed myself at times into thinking that there was something wrong with me because of how I've felt. I mean, what kind of mom says that they can imagine not having their child??? What in the heck is wrong with me, right??????

I promise this is going somewhere... stick with me.

I've been listening to a sermon series by David Platt called the Radical series. I highly recommend it. One of the scripture passages that I've been studying along with him is from Luke 14:25-35. In verse 26, Jesus says "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sister- yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple". Folks, that is RADICAL talk!! HATE our parents, our children, ourselves??

This seems contradictory to what the Bible says in other places, when it tells us to Love one another. And for the record, No... God does not want us to hate our family. But.... When that love for others in our lives is compared to our love for God, it should be so much less that it looks like hate.

And so, I get (finally) to my point.

When Bryan was 3, we learned that we could not have other children. In fact, we lost 4 to miscarriage. I was heartbroken, to say the least. But instead of leaning on God, I leaned on Bryan. It was wrong, and I have confessed that. I'm telling you that I worshipped that child, not God. I told myself that if I could only have Bryan as a child, then he was going to have everything from me, and he did. I didn't necessarily give in and buy everything for him, but he got the best of me and my time- over Jeff, over family, over work, and yes, over God. And it was wrong. Dead wrong.

God has revealed to me that I am learning, and I an changing. I am finally at a place where God is indeed GOD alone. Jeff is not in that place. Bryan is not. And Ellie is not either. My feelings for her are deep and beautiful and full of love that I never knew I could feel. Yet, I do not worship her. I've been feeling as if I were messed up because I wasn't feeling for her like I felt for Bryan at that age. But the truth is that I didn't need to feel for her what I felt for him then. That was wrong, and I'm trying so hard to be a follower of Jesus, not the world. I'm becoming radical. It started when we said "yes" to God's call to adopt, and yet it reaches far beyond Ellie into the very depths of who I am, who I was made to be in Christ.

I hope that when people think of me, they think "now there's a girl that loves her husband and her children". But mostly, I hope that they think, "Now there is a girl that loves her Lord, Radically".

How about you?? Are you radical too?

40 Days of Prayer for the Orphan!!

2010-05-04T07:45:00.001-07:00

Please join me in this wonderful movement, as we go to the throne on behalf of the 147 million orphans in our world. Click on the link for a prayer guide for the 40 days.

My heart is passionate about the orphan, not because of Ellie, but because the Word of God tells me it should be. I pray that yours is too!

The Pain of Parenting...

2010-04-20T17:49:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, we took our first family trip out of town (other than to visit family) since Ellie has come home. It was her first time in a hotel since being home with us. She was excited at first about sleeping there. She thought it was "awesome" that we were all going to sleep in the same room. She had worn herself out during the day, so she went to sleep before we ever finished singing our goodnight song.

When Ellie woke up, Jeff had gone out for a run, and Bryan was still asleep. The room was still dark, thanks to the wonder of darkening shades! Ellie popped her head up by my bed, and said "Good morning!", just like she would any day at home. She climbed up in bed beside me, but instead of hugging me, she just started sobbing.

My first thought was that she was scared because we were not at home. She kept repeating that she was "so sad", but every time I asked her why, she only responded "I can't say it!". I held her and held her while she sobbed. I cried along with her, whispered to her that I loved her. When she was finally calm enough to talk, she said "Mommy, we don't have any food here. We can't eat".

That sweet baby girl thought that we were not going to eat all day because there was no food in our hotel room. I immediately explained to her that we were going to breakfast as soon as Jeff got back. I have never gotten ready so fast in my life! Ellie cried until the pancakes she ordered were placed in front of her and cut up, then proceeded to gorge herself by eating every bite on her plate (more than I ate even!)

It struck me as I watched her stuff herself that she wasn't sure that she would eat again that day. She was making sure that she had enough in her to last a good long time just in case there was no more. She has been with us for 8 months, and yet, she still does not expect from us that we will feed her AT LEAST three times a day, every day. It is instilled deep within her that she should not expect it.

My heart was broken, not only at the thought of what horrors had she lived through to come to that place, but also at the fact that there is so much of her life that I had no part of, that I could not protect. There is a part of her life that was hurtful, and I don't know what all is there yet. There are deep wounds in her life, and I could not stop them from happening. My "momma instincts" say that I should have protected her, fed her, kept her from all hurt.

But I couldn't. She had to endure the hurt of her birth mom making a plan for her adoption, a plan that for Ellie included some time in the care of other family members who hurt her, time in places where she had no food for who knows how long. It was a plan done out of a love that I cannot fathom, if truth be told. I have such great admiration and love for Ellie's birth mother. I believe with all of my heart that her birth mom loves her completely, and that her acts were the most unselfish thing I've ever witnessed. But they still hurt.

And then I read this: "From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?', which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:45-46)

Jesus felt abandoned, alone, fearful even when he was about to die on that cross. I'm sure in his humanness, he had to wonder "why?". Maybe he was thinking "How is this going to work for good?". Yet, God, in His infinite wisdom, was working a plan. He willingly let Jesus go through that hurt, knowing that in the end, Jesus would sit at His right hand, with his Father. He would never hurt again. He would be HOME.

And as I read that, I realized that Ellie's journey is just beginning. She has walked a road of courage WAY beyond her years, Grace that is beyond my imagination, determination and strength that could only be of the Lord. She has survived, only by the Grace of God. And I believe in my heart that God wanted me to see that He understood my pain at not having been there to stop her hurt. Because He didn't stop Jesus' hurt either.

I believe that His ways are perfect. I believe that He has a purpose and a plan to prosper Ellie (Jeremiah 29:11), just as He does all of us. I believe that He wants me to celebrate each and every moment with her, even the ones where she is afraid, sad or confused.

Especially those moments. For now, I AM here to comfort her.

Oh God, thank you for speaking so clearly to me and for letting me know you understand my momma's heart. You are a parent too, God. Thank you for having a heart that breaks at your Son's pain and death on the cross, but also for your adopted sons and daughters who try to do life without you every day. Thank you for listening and teaching when things don't make sense to me. Thank you for reminding me that you love me deeply, that you love my children deeply, more than I could ever begin to understand. Thank you for protecting Ellie from whatever could have come her way. Thank you for instilling within her the spunk and grit to make it through. Thank you for allowing her to be a little girl now, to not have to fend for herself anymore. Help her to realize that she is safe here, that she will always be fed here. Remind her that she is at Home now. Thank you for blessing me with this amazing family that I could never deserve. You are awesome and mighty, and I praise you Lord. Amen

Running the Race...

2010-03-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

I am currently engaged in what is likely the most difficult thing I've ever challenged myself to. It's hard, grueling even. It's rewarding, yet takes more of me than I ever imagined possible. It's fulfilling, yet has stripped away much of the wall I had built around myself. It's beautiful and ugly all at once.

I am training for a mini marathon that will be held on April 24, 2010.

I am not a runner by nature. I am nowhere near it, if truth be told. Sadly, I've spent the past years (lots of them) sitting on the sidelines, feeling as though I wasn't worth being in the race at all... any kind of race.

But no more.

In the past couple of years, God has healed so many hurts in my heart and my life. He has truly renewed in me a steadfast spirit (Psalm 51). He has taken hurts from my past and allowed them to be used for good now. He has restored me. He has placed people in my life that have taught me that it's okay to be real, and that I can risk being vulnerable. It's been slow and painful, yet it's been beautiful. I feel whole.

Many of you know that in my past is sexual assault/abuse. I've never talked about it here, but I feel the need to do so now. Some of you may have walked that road as well. If so, know that you are not alone. Know that healing is possible and worth the work! Part of my journey has caused me to doubt myself, and that's one of the greatest parts of healing. I'm learning again the worth that God gives me through His Son. WOW... I'm amazed at how much He loves me!

This April marks 20 years since I was assaulted. In the years since that time, April has been hard to face. It brings back memories that are hard to handle sometimes, even after all of these years. A few years I have been sad, disconnected, defeated.

BUT NOT THIS YEAR!

This year, I am whole, content, connected, ready to face the memories, knowing that they are just that.. memories. And memories cannot hurt me! So, I will run. I will run for the joy that God has restored in me. I will run for the freedom I feel in Christ. I will run to celebrate the pure joy that my family gives to me each and every day. I will run to show all other survivors that God heals all, and you are not the abuse you have endured. You are more than that. I will run to celebrate the fact that I am beautifully made in the image of the Creator of all that is and is to come.

I will run as a praise to God. Each step of that 13 miles will be a worship experience. I will run what I can, walk when I need to. And I will smile, knowing that God has brought about more healing and restoration in me than I ever dreamed possible.

Pray for me. I'm afraid. I doubt my ability to finish, yet I will persevere.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hunders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God". Hebrews 12:1-2

A letter to my children...

2010-03-06T06:53:00.000-08:00

This week at work, I overheard a conversation between a mother and her two children, in which she told them "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Don't worry, kids. Mom can make you happy no matter what. Let's go to Walmart, then McDonalds". My heart was broken from that conversation. There is NOTHING at Walmart or McDonalds that will ever bring about lasting joy. Happiness if temporary sweet friend. Anyway, all of that led me to spend some time thinking about what it is that I have taught my children that I desperately want for them. So, here it is...

Dear Bryan & Ellie,

You may find it hard to believe what I'm about to write here, but please hear me out before you freak out!

As your mom, I have many things that I want and pray for in your lives. But, I do NOT want you to be happy. (I told you it would be surprising; hear me out here!)

For the past year or so, God has really been dealing with me on this, the idea of being happy in life. And the more I've learned, the more I want to pass along to you, my legacy. You see kids, happiness is something that is determined by your situation in life. It's fleeting, to say the least. I'm happy when I get a good buy on a sweet purse. But a purse will never change my life. I'm happy when you pick up your toys or dirty clothes. But when you don't, where does that leave me? Happiness is a great thing, don't get me wrong; it feels good. Real good. But when I think of what it is that I want most for your lives, it's just not there.

I've watched both of you experience happiness. Bryan, you are happy when you get a drum beat down or when you get the "okay" on having a band practice here at the house. But what about those days that we can't have your friends over, or the beat is too hard to perfect in one practice session. What do you feel then? Ellie, you are happy when you are getting beads in your hair or getting a book read to you. But what about the times we have to tell you "no" about the book or whatever it is you want to play? Will your happiness fade with each "no" you get in life?

Really kids, it's not that I don't ever want you to experience happiness; it's just that it's not my goal for you to be happy all of your lives. And I don't want it to be your goal either. I never want to watch you spend your life chasing after something that is always contingent on your surroundings. Because let me tell you, your surroundings will change all the time, from year to year, week to week, day to day, and moment to moment.

So, what DO I want for you?? Well, for one thing, I want you to be CONTENT.

Contentment is so much better than happiness, kids. Seriously better. Contentment is that crazy thing that makes us still smile, even though we didn't get our way, didn't get a raise (in allowance or at work), didn't finish a project when we had hoped, when a friend treats us not-so-friendly, when we have to do homework instead of play, when we can't go out to eat because we are doing the Dave Ramsey thing. Contentment comes from within. And within those of us who have a relationship with Christ, the Spirit of God is living in us. THAT is what gives contentment kids.

In Scripture, Paul went through some tough times... some would say horrible times. Yet, he said this.. "I've have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want". (Phil 4:11b-12)

That is what I want for you kids. I want you to be at peace with your Father, no matter what the world is throwing your way. There will be times in your life when everything you touch works well. And sadly, there will be times when nothing seems to go your way. Yet God is always the same, always with you, always loving you, always forgiving. That gives contentment. My prayer is that you learn to grasp that in your lives.

Contentment leads to spiritual maturity, I do believe. It helps us to realize the blessings of our lives. It is never going to be the materialistic things in life that give you peace, joy and fulfillment. Only God can bring about lasting contentment. I pray you are able to find it. Life is one heck of a ride, kids! Make each moment count!

I love you,
Mom~

where did the time go?

2010-02-26T17:18:00.000-08:00

This weekend, Bryan celebrates his 14th birthday... sort of. (He was born on February 29th, 1996, so technically he is only 3 1/2 this year!) It's hard to believe he's already 14... seems like just yesterday he was a tiny little thing, and now he's taller than me (not that that's real tall, but you get my drift).

Bryan is a blessing. I don't know how else to put it. He has brought more joy to my life than I ever thought possible. He has made me want to be a better person. He's made me try harder in things, and he's made me want to be more brave in life. He is a miracle, no doubt. I remember vividly being told that I would never be able to have children. Yet, here he is. I thank God for the honor of being his mom every day.

Bryan, you are a true joy. You make me laugh harder than anyone else can. You make me cry sometimes too (not always in a bad way either :)). You have more talent than I ever could hope for myself. You are a gifted musician, writer, encourager and leader. I pray every day that you will submit all of those gifts to the Lord, and allow Him to lead you in life. I see in you so much potential to change the world. Even at 14, you can make a difference. You DO make a difference in my life, in our home, and in our family.

You are a blessing to parent. I love being your mom. I love picking you up at school and talking about your day. I love hearing you play drums. I love seeing you laugh as you wrestle with your dad. It's been an honor to watch you as a big brother this year. You are an awesome brother!!

Never give in to the pressure to be something or someone you are not made to me. Trust God to direct you. Trust His word. Stay in His word. Carry it in your heart with you always. Stand up for injustice always, as you already do. Make the world a better place just by being you. And always know that I love you so much, and I'm so thankful you are my son!

Happy birthday, Bryan. I can't wait to share this weekend with you!!

Love,
Mom~

Happy Valentine's Day...

2010-02-13T11:01:00.000-08:00

not just today, but every day of every year. I'll be yours forever.

Your rugged good looks still turn me on.
Your compassion for others still makes me want to do more.
Your love for God is contagious.
Your leadership in our home is incredible.
Your integrity is unmatched.
You still make my liver quiver!

I love you... forever and ever and ever...

Love, Bird~

Happy anniversary

2010-02-11T20:04:00.000-08:00

6 months ago this past Tuesday, I held my baby girl in my arms for the first time. After years of praying for her, I finally had my hands on her. The feeling was incredible, and words here will never describe it.

Some have asked how our lives have changed in the past 6 months. Well, here are but a few ways:

1. We have to ask for a table of 4 now (I still love the sound of that!)
2. Our house is filled with pink.
3. Baby dolls and their clothes frequently find their way all over the house
4. The sight of a tutu makes me smile.
5. I've learned the characters of Dora the Explorer
6. I sing "Magdalena Hagdalena" and "Ida May" every day.. at least twice each
7. Someone wants me to sing to them every night again (love it!)
8. I get kisses from one more person every day.. many times
9. Whining has returned to the Prosser household (we're working on that one)
10. Hair beads are the cat's favorite toy
11. I find myself gravitating to the little girl's department in every store I go to.
12. Date night is harder to come by, but twice as enjoyable!
13. Childcare is back in the budget
14. Pull ups are back in the budget
15. Goldfish are back in the budget
16. I've become a hairbow snob.. I am very picky about the ones I like!
17. Prayer time at the dinner table is long as Ellie prays for all of her friends at each meal.
18. There is a feeling of contentment in our home, that we are complete.
19. There is never silent moment in our home (really funny since we were told at one point that she was nonverbal)
20. Our hearts are full of love and peace as God has made it clear that she was the perfect child for our family!
21. Bryan shares his parents (and does so with much grace, I must say!)
22. Jeff has learned to do hair.
23. Laundry has increased exponentially (girls really do wear a lot of clothes!)
24. Tights are a source of great joy.
25. Anything that glitters is good.
26. Our eyes are opened to the poverty around the world.
27. We have a burning desire to help put clean water around the globe.
28. Sharing our story is vital to our survival now. we HAVE to tell what God has done.
29. We dance every day.
30. I have a keen awareness that there is still more for us that God has in store.

Ellie, Happy 6 month Anniversary with our family! We love you dearly.
Bryan, Happy 6 month Anniversary as a big brother. You are ROCKING your role! I'm so proud of who you are and the brother you are to Ellie.
Jeff, Happy 6 month anniversary on being a dad to a daughter. You are so tender and sweet with her!!

Ellie has learned so much in the past 6 months. It's amazing to think that just 6 months ago, she knew no English. Now, she is fluent, can count to 15, knows her letters, can write her name, and is starting to work on her colors! God amazes me more and more every day through my children! What a blessing to be their mom!

I love my family!

Heartbreak and the Truth...

2010-01-17T14:32:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago, Ellie & I made a quick stop in the grocery store for some milk (she has decided that she now really REALLY loves chocolate milk). It was getting late, and we were in a hurry, and thankfully there were no lines in the store. We were having a great girls' night out actually.

As we headed up toward the check-out, we passed a man and his two daughters, one of whom looked to be close in age to Ellie. That little cutie stared at Ellie as if she were from outer space. She then announced to her dad "Hey look daddy, it's a monkey!". I have to admit it took me off guard, but my first thought was "this is a great teaching moment for that dad. I hope he steps up to the plate".

He didn't.

He didn't even come close.

That man looked his daughter in the face, then looked me in the face, then back to his daughter. And then he proceeded to tell that sweet liitle girl that Ellie was not a monkey, but something more vicious than I could ever imagine another human saying. He called her horrible things. He actually said several horrible things to me about Ellie (and about me, too). I was in utter shock, but only for a second. In an instant, my claws came out. I was ready to pounce. I was ready to kill this man!

But my eyes could only go to his sweet little girl, standing there taking it all in. To be honest, Ellie was oblivious to it all. This child with her daddy was watching and hearing the venom pour from his lips. Her eyes were as large as half dollars as she watched him nearly convulse with repulsion at my child. I wonder what was going through her mind. I wonder if she was wondering when it was going to stop this time. I wonder if she was already dreading the lecture she would surely get in the car on the way home about how she is never to talk to those kind of people again.

My heart aches for that little girl that I cannot get out of my head. My heart aches that she is going to miss out on so many wonderful relationships in this world because of the color of their skin. My heart aches most because she is missing out on a relationship with her own father because of his hatred for others. He was so consumed with hatred for my daughter's face that he failed to see the hurt on his daughter's face. I can't stop thinking of that.

Scripture tells us this: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:13-16

The truth is that both Ellie and that little girl are fearfully and wonderfully made. God was intricately involved in every detail of them both. And you know, that little girl's dad, who was so vulgar and inhumane towards us, was also knit together in his mother's womb by the God of the universe. As hurtful for me as it was to hear him say those awful things, how much more must it break the heart of God to hear one that He loves so specifically and so perfectly act that way toward another of his creations. I'm broken over the thought of that tonight!

Ellie will grow knowing that she is loved and adored, both here on earth and by her Heavenly Father as well. She will never have to long to be noticed, never have to wonder if she messed up too much to be loved still. But that other little girl... I fear that she will worry over these things all of her life. Oh God, please protect her from the evil around her today. Protect her heart, Lord. Keep her thoughts pure, despite insurmountable obstacles to that. send someone in her life that will teach her the TRUTH, about her and those around her.

snow days...

2010-01-09T13:16:00.000-08:00

We got our first real snow since Ellie has been with us. There wasn't enough to sled in (bummer), and it was really too cold to stay out for very long (about 12 degrees, I think). But we HAD to go out for a little while at least. Here are a couple pics of me and the kids. Jeff, unfortunately was inside with a nasty case of shingles (bigger bummer than the amount of snow we got!)

Merry Christmas...

2010-01-06T18:58:00.000-08:00

or should I say MELKAM GENA (Amharic)

In Ethiopia, Christmas is celebrated on January 7th. So, tomorrow we will read the Christmas story from the Bible again to Ellie and spend time celebrating the reason there is a Christmas at all!

Why don't you celebrate with us?

On a side note... it looks like we'll have a white Christmas after all!

What a month!

2009-12-28T13:09:00.000-08:00

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Wow... the month of December has flown by! I can hardly believe we are about to embark upon 2010. This has been a month full of fun and celebration.

We started the month off by celebrating Ellie's 3rd birthday! Ellie had her first party at her babysitter's house.. loads of fun was had!! Then we had some family and friends to our house that weekend for another birthday party. Ellie's only requests for the day were that Jeff and I wear pajamas with her, that there were balloons in the house and that she have flowers. So... we did just that. We were in pjs (very comfy, I might add), and the house was filled with balloons. A dozen pink roses were on the table for Ellie. she was in awe of it all. In lieu of gifts, we asked that anyone who wanted to, give a donation to Ellie's former orphanage instead. We are THRILLED to announce that the children of Ammanuel Orphanage in Woliso, Ethiopia will soon be getting $200 worth of food their way! we are so excited to be able to do even this small thing for the place that gave life to our sweet girl!

helping mommy make cupcakes for her party at Mrs. Lisa's!

I am constantly amazed at this child! God has reshaped her in so many ways, yet there is still the innocence, excitement and wonder that was there when we first met her just a few months ago. I am so thankful that God entrusted us to parent her, and I cannot wait to celebrate more and more birthdays with her in the years to come!

My birthday was also this month, and Jeff and I got away for our first date night since bringing Ellie home. Let me just say.. I love my kids, but getting away with Jeff was more than wonderful! Thank you Jeff, for being my partner, my best friend, my hero! I love you!

And finally, we get to Christmas. I had forgotten how much fun it is to have a 3 year old in the house at Christmas time! Ellie has had a blast watching all of the festivities! She loves the trees, the decorations, the lights (she LOVED Southern Lights!). She has had fun making her own ornaments for the first time this year. She has relished in learning the Christmas carols (much to Bryan's dismay, I might add). But, she has truly understood that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. We woke on Christmas morning to her singing in her room "Happy Birthday to you" to Jesus. How sweet is that?? It was the perfect reminder of why we celebrate.

My family is my gift, this year and every year. So, I've decided not to post any of our Christmas pics here right now. Instead, I want to take some time to tell them what they mean to me.

Jeff, you are my hero. In every sense of the word, that's exactly what you are. You have made all of my dreams come true.. even those that I was afraid to speak aloud for a long time. You are a dream come true to me. Every day, it is a privilege and an honor to wake beside you, walk through each day with you, and end each day knowing that no matter what happened that day, you are still my number one encourager and fan. You know exactly how to make me laugh, and you know just when I need you to be silent. You are such a Godly man.. an example to me and to our children of sacrificial love. I am so thankful that God placed us together in this life. I can't imagine doing it without you by my side every day! It's my life's greatest honor to call you my husband. I love you forever.

Bryan.. you are my son, my firstborn (my only-born, as you say). You have always brought to me so much joy, and you still do. Nothing makes my day quite so much as you giving me a hug or a kiss for no apparent reason at all. I love that you still kiss me in public and that you aren't afraid to say that you love me. I have loved watching you become a young man. I dream about the man you will one day be; I can only imagine that you will be fabulous! It is an honor to watch you mature, to watch you wrestle out the rights and wrongs, to walk alongside you and encourage you in the faith. I want you to know that I never felt incomplete when you were an only child; you have always been enough for me, and if we had never had more children, I would have always known I was the most blessed mom in the world. Don't for a minute ever think that bringing Ellie home means that you were less than special. Our family is not whole without you.. no doubt! You bring light and joy to my heart every day. You taught me how to be a mom; you've given me grace when I stunk at it too! I love being your mom, Bryan. I love you.

Ellie, you are such a joy. You've shown me a perfect picture of what God's redemptive love looks like. The lessons I am learning through your life seem never ending. You are such a miracle. I never believed that I could be so blessed as to parent two children who were so incredible! I am so thankful that God chose you for us! Being your mommy is such a joy! I am loving painting nails, playing dress up, learning how to do hair, shopping for jewelry and clothes, and shoes shoes shoes! I love that you are a girly girl. Always keep that!! I love your spirit. i love your spunk. I want you to know that this is your forever home, and you will always be safe and secure here. You will always have plenty to eat, and you will always know the touch and sound of love in this home. You never have to wonder again if you are wanted; here, you are always wanted and always loved, Ellie! You are an answer to a very special prayer I prayed many years ago. To see you as the culmination of all of those prayers just makes me tear up and puts chills down my spine! I love you as if I had carried you in my womb, and although I know I didn't do that, I did carry you in my heart. You light up my day when you smile and say "I lub you mommy". I'm so happy you are finally home, sweet girl.

I can only imagine what 2010 has in store...

Styling sunday....sort of

2009-12-28T13:02:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas Eve wasn't on a Sunday, but my girl was stylin' nonetheless.

Styling Sunday 4

2009-12-20T14:17:00.001-08:00

Styling Sunday 3

2009-12-13T11:56:00.001-08:00

Hair, courtesy of Deniece Bell... my hero!! love you girl! Gotta give props where they are due!

Styling Sunday 2...

2009-12-06T18:46:00.001-08:00

Styling Sunday...

2009-11-29T16:23:00.000-08:00

We've been blessed with friends who have given us TONS of clothes for Ellie. She may never wear the same dress twice. So, I thought I'd have a little fun with all of the Christmas dresses she's been given and do "Stylin' Sundays". So... here's the first.

Giving Thanks....

2009-11-28T11:53:00.000-08:00

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving as we always do, surrounded by family and feasting on enough food to last a month. And all over the world there are children, moms, dads, uncles, aunts, cousins, daughters, sons, and friends who ate nothing. I remember last year wondering what my little girl was eating, if anything, for Thanksgiving. I wondered if she had anything to be thankful for at all. This year, I've witnessed, yet again, the power of God Almighty, as Ellie was hugged and kissed in person by her extended family. I watched her eyes get bigger and bigger as we put more and more on her plate. I loved watching her try foods for the first time (she does not like broccoli casserole, but she loved the corn pudding!)I was in tears just having a front row seat to watch her experience the newness.

Yesterday we got to watch her experience yet another new thing: We put up the Christmas decorations! I don't know if Ellie has ever seen a Christmas tree before, besides what she has seen in the department stores. In fact, when our tree was lit up, she looked at me and said "Oh, it's beautiful like Kohls!". Sweet girl...

I wish I could put into words what it means to be able to watch her experience these things for the first time. Last night, she was running through the house, yelling over and over how beautiful everything looked and how much she loved snowmen. Bryan said "Mom, make her stop! She's driving me nuts!". But then we realized that we've had this to experience our entire lives, and for her, this is all new. It puts things in perspective when you look at it like that.

I held Ellie in my lap and showed her the nativity scene, explaining who the people were. She is in awe that the wise men brought gifts, wondering where the balloons were (I'm sure Baby Jesus would have loved balloons too!). She kept saying "that's so nice of them!". And I just cried (I do that a lot lately!)

Oh God, thank you for the gift of my two beautiful children. Thank you for the gift of hearing their laughter and their cries, for it means that I know they are experiencing life in its fullness. Thank you for the gift of being able to watch Ellie's face light up in wonder as she saw the lights and decorations here for the first time. Thank you for her innocence. Thank you for Bryan and his patience with her. Thank you that we have plenty to eat, that's never a worry Ellie has to have again. Thank you that we have clean water to drink, that we can live parasite-free. Thank you for my husband who is my dream come true. I'm so grateful that we can share this life together. Thank you for Who you are, for the miracles we see DAILY because our Hope is in You, Lord.

In honor of Pastor's Appreciation Month....

2009-10-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd take the opportunity to tell you what I appreciate about my favorite pastor (who happens to be my husband in case anyone reading this doesn't know).

1. He treats me like a queen. He makes submission easy. seriously.
2. He sacrifices for our family (ask him how many times he has played golf this year, and you'll see what I mean)
3. When he watches shows like "America's Funniest Videos", he laughs with his whole being. It's better than watching the show!
4. He has regular "dad and lad" days with Bryan.. .and always will, I'm sure.
5. He and Ellie go at least once a week on a "bagel breakfast date".
6. He plays shoot-em-up XBOX games one minute with Bryan, then has a tea party while wearing a feather boa with Ellie the next.
7. He asks me out on dates still.
8. He's pretty hot...
9. God is supreme in his life. Always has been. Always will be.
10. He is gifted at the ministry. It's what he was made to do.. no doubt about it. He's in his element when he is serving our community.
11. He says some words really funny and it always cracks me up, but he doesn't mind.
12. He led me to Christ while we were dating.
13. He asked me to be his wife, and he still tells me he is glad he did!
14. He teaches me how to be a better parent, mom, Christ-follower and all around better person.
15. He plays Scrabble with me when I've had a rough day.
16. He puts the toothpaste on my toothbrush in the mornings to help me.
17. He ALWAYS opens the doors for me.
18. He is teaching Bryan to always open the doors for me too!
19. He kisses me first when he comes home.
20. He is passionate about his love for Christ. It's because of this that all these other things exist.

I love you Jeff. I'm proud of the work you do for the Kingdom of God. I'm honored to be your wife in this journey. I'm humbled to walk beside you. I'm undeniably head over heels in love with you!

So... go tell your favorite pastor what it is you love about him! they work hard and need to know they are loved!

Mommy's Girl...

2009-10-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

People ask all the time how things are going with Ellie. I always answer the same way.. it's going great. And overall, it is. She's learning so much, so quickly. It's really quite amazing to watch! but it's not all easy, and if truth be told, there are times that it's just downright hard to handle! The emotions, the unknowns, the language barriers.. it's all hard sometimes. It's worth it, no doubt! but it's still hard!

Tonight while giving Ellie a bath, I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotions. I won't share all of the details because that's her story and I'm not gonna share it here. But I will tell you that Ellie told me about a horrible experience in her life tonight, in as much detail as she can in her part English-part Amharic, two year old vocabulary.

Initially I was angry. I called Jeff in and she told him the same story. We know it's true. We've known about it for a while. But she has never said it herself to us until now. We were both overcome with feelings of wanting to hurt someone, to take revenge. I wanted to lash out at someone at the injustice that has happened in her short little life.

But the other part of me was grateful. Tonight was proof that we are making progress in our bonding. Ellie trusts us enough to not only be goofy and silly and sing fun songs with us. She trusts us enough to share her hurts. That's what family is all about! Isn't that we all long for with our children- for them to be comfortable enough with us to tell us everything? That's exactly what happened here tonight.. right in my jacuzzi tub with soap suds all over her fuzzy little head.

Tonight's conversation also made me see once more just how much I love this little girl. No, I didn't give birth to her like you normally think of mothers and babies. But I gave birth to her in my heart, and tonight that bond was solidified even further, as she entrusted to me what is likely her biggest hurt in life. She didn't want me to fix it; it's already fixed. She just wanted me to know. And as I picked her up out of that tub, she put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheeks so sweetly (she kisses both of them, always!).

For a moment, time stood still. There was no hurt, no worries, no unknowns in her past, no uncertainties. There was just a mommy and her little girl, sharing a sudsy kiss. It was just the way God intended it to be. It was pure, peaceful.

It was perfect.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of my daughter.. my sweet little girl.

2009-10-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest video of what Ellie has been learning.. check it out!

And Sue, there's a special message for you at the end! She loves you so much!

Family

2009-10-05T17:18:00.001-07:00

Ellie has been home with us for 8 weeks now. The difference is astounding really. She's gone from a timid, quiet shy little girl, afraid to even let us hear her voice at times to a boisterous, happy, singing ball of giggles and smiles. I'm in awe of how God brought her to us. Sometimes I just sit and watch her in amazement, and thank God for the gift of her in our lives.

I went back to work last week. I didn't really want to go, if I'm being completely honest. But... that's life, and I believe that there is a reason for my being in that place as well. Jeff is now on Family Leave for 8 weeks, and he is loving it! I'm so thankful that he has this opportunity to be with her. I'm grateful that she will grow to see her Daddy even more fully, and know that in him she has a wonderful example of her Heavenly Father.

I have to say that my favorite part of the day is 1:30pm, when I get off of work. I drive to pick Bryan up at school and then we head home together. I love that drive home with him (when he takes his headphones out!). And when we get home, I love hearing Ellie yell "mommy" and run to me for a hug and kiss! Awwwww.. you can't beat that people.

I'm learning more and more that it's the simple things in life that make it worthwhile. I'm learning more and more that God gives us countless blessings each and every day that we often overlook (like when your 13 year old turns his music off to talk, your two year old tells you that you are beautiful, and your husband cooks dinner for you and says that he'll clean up too just because he loves you and wants to serve you!!). I guess after having seen the depravity and poverty in Ethiopia where Ellie's life began, I'm more determined than ever to not let the little things slip by without notice. For that matter, I don't want to let the big things pass me by either. God has given me too much to ever take for granted a single moment here on earth.

Scripture tells us that "God sets the lonely in families..." (psalm 68:6). We are seeing that lived out in our home. There is no doubt that God set Ellie right here with us, and we are so thankful for His plan. So many people have said to us that we are a blessing to her. I would argue (again) that she is the blessing to us! I learn more every day about God's greatness in watching her story unfold.

So, go hug your kids, kiss your spouse, and write that long-overdue letter. But before you do that, get on your knees and thank the Lord for His mercy and Grace upon you, and for the gifts He gives freely every day.

Daddies and Daughters...

2009-09-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

One thing I love most about Jeff is how involved he is with our kids. He has never been a dad that sits on the sidelines.. no way! It's one of the things I admire most about him...Both Ellie and Bryan will always know that their Daddy loved them so much that he was always learning new things about them and for them. Here's just one example of that... ENJOY~

what happened???

2009-09-11T14:12:00.000-07:00

September 11th is the day that Ethiopia celebrates New Year's Day. As of today, the people of Ethiopia entered the year 2002!

YES, I SAID THAT RIGHT. IT IS 2002 IN ETHIOPIA NOW!

hmmmm......

No wonder no one knows what date Ellie was born! We aren't even in the same year as they are!

Go celebrate in honor of Ethiopia!

Ellie's Singing Debut

2009-09-10T19:29:00.001-07:00

Enjoy!

Bringing Ellie Home: the video

2009-09-01T04:09:00.000-07:00

Here's a great video Jeff put together of moments from our trip to Ethiopia. Get your Kleenex and enjoy the show....

When Did This Happen?

2009-08-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today, my little boy went to high school.

Okay, so he's not so little anymore. He's a young man now, I know. But in my heart, he'll always be my little boy. Today, he got up and got dressed (no more uniforms- WOO HOO!) and walked out the door into a whole new era of his life. I sat in the kitchen and cried.

I'm not crying because I don't want him to grow up. I'm proud of the man he is becoming. I wouldn't hold him back for anything; God has too much in store for him to have anyone trying to hold him down! I was crying because I'm honored to be the mom of this incredible young man.

Bryan,
This morning, you started a new chapter in life. I know it must have been a little intimidating to walk into that new school (even if it's too uncool to admit it!). I know it must have been frustrating to be at the "bottom of the totem pole" again in school. But to look at you, you never would have guessed it. You were excited. You were handsome. And I knew you were ready.

I've known for a while now that you were ready for high school. I've watched you mature in leaps and bounds in the past few months. I've watched as you grew hair you didn't have before, listened as your voice deepened, and sat in awe as you started to make decisions based on the needs of others. When I say that I'm honored to be your mom, I mean it with all my heart. You bless me every day, just by being you.

You've always had something special about you. You can change the feel of a room just by walking in. You have a gift of putting people at ease with your smile and your conversation. You are hilarious without trying, sincere without effort (it's just natural with you), and you are genuine in all you do. I love that you have your own unique style about you. I love that you are not afraid to be different.

I prayed today what I have prayed for you the past several years "For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more that all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within you, to Him be glory in the church and in Jesus Christ throughout all generations".

I pray that as you encounter new people and new ideas today and throughout this year, that you will be grounded in the TRUTH of Jesus Christ. I pray that His light will shine through you. I pray that you are strong when others are weak, that you are rooted and established when others are falling in the sand. I pray that you are courageous when others may be afraid. I pray that you are secure in knowing that I love you today and always.. just as you are. You are all that I could have ever dreamed of. You are my son.

Have a great year, Bryan! Make every day count.

I love you,
Mom

Ethiopia: Day 1 continued

2009-08-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

MEETING ELLIE

After our trip to Woliso, we were finally back at the Transition House to meet Ellie. This was the moment we had been waiting for all this time. I was a nut!! I was nervous and excited all at once, not sure of how she would respond to us. It was all surreal, to be honest.

We entered the Transition House, where Ellie had been living since early June. We were greeted by several children, excited to see us come in. I kept looking for that sweet little face I've memorized in pictures for the past 8 months. But I couldn't find her.

We walked through different rooms, and then we entered this tiny little dining room with little tiny tables. The staff were serving lunch, and a few kids were already seated and ready to eat. Ellie was sitting there, smaller than I ever had imagined and more beautiful that I could have ever dreamed.

Sue spoke to her to tell her that her Mommy and Daddy were here. She was shy, but she looked up to see us briefly. Then, her attention was back on her lunch (After seeing her eat for the past 2 weeks, I understand that!). We knelt down to talk to her, but she was so shy. It was obvious that she wasn't going to eat with us staring at her either, so we took a tour of the rest of the house to let her finish her lunch.

I'm glad that Jeff was videoing the house because honestly I can't remember any of it. I just wanted to hold my little girl! I couldn't wait to get back downstairs! We went from room to room, meeting other babies that will soon be going home. We also met some workers, but mostly, we were killing time to get to our Ellie.

Once we were back downstairs, we walked back into the dining room, only to find that Ellie wasn't there! One of the nannies pointed outside, and we found her out the door on her potty chair. We waited again while she finished, then washed her hands with the staff. Once she had washed, she came right to me, and I picked her up. She threw those tiny little arms around my neck, and it was all over. I didn't sob; I didn't want to scare her. But so much emotion was welling up in me! It's hard to explain here, and to be honest, I don't want to explain it to everyone. It's too personal. I'll share it all with Ellie one day, but I will tell you that I was just overwhelmed with gratitude to God for allowing me to be a part of this journey to bring her home!

We went inside where the other children were playing. You see, Ellie has never known doing anything without other kids around. She was much more comfortable with her friends around. We had a gift for her, so we gave that to her and read a book together, just trying to give her a chance to get used to us a little.

I have to say that one of my favorite moments of all was seeing Jeff holding Ellie for the first time. I know how much I love my dad, and I have prayed that she will be a daddy's girl through and through! I think she will be, based on what I saw that first day! It didn't take long til Ellie was smiling for all of our pics together and showing her friends her new toys! I love that she shares everything. She has no concept of owning anything, so it was not a big deal to her to let others play with the things we had brought to her. I hope that remains in her as it is so different from what alot of kids are like today.

We weren't there long, really. Just long enough to meet, take some pics with the nannies and other kids, then leave to go back to the Guest House. We did get to thank Tesfanesh, her nanny at the Transition House, for caring so well for Ellie! This woman deserves a medal for her work. I'm so grateful to God for women like her in Ellie's life thus far! It was a whirlwind visit really. Ellie fell asleep in Bryan's arms on the way to our Guest House. How amazing it was to see him with her! What a terrific big brother he is to her!! I'm so proud of him.. this is a real adjustment for him too!!

a little shy at first

Bryan's first time holding Ellie

safe in Daddy's arms

first of many books with Mommy

there's a smile...

Daddys' little girl

ahhhhh....

Tesfanesh...Ellie's nanny!

some of the Transition House staff

Ethiopia: Day 1

2009-08-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try blogging day by day about our trip to Ethiopia. It's the easiest way to make sure that I don't miss anything.

Day one (Sunday, August 9th) was a busy and exciting day! We started early. We were awakened at 4am by the Muslim chants over the loud speakers outside our Guest House. We got up at 5am, and were on the road at 6:30am. We were picked up by Alazar, who drives for our agency in country. What a great man!

We headed over to the Transition House to pick up Sue, our agency director. I can't tell you how strange it was to know that Ellie was inside that house and not to see her. However, we knew that if we met her, we wouldn't want to leave her, and we really wanted to make this trip. We were headed out to Woliso, where Ellie was born and where she lived in the orphanage.

The drive to Woliso was about 2 hours southwest of Addis, and it was beautiful. It's rainy season in Ethiopia right now, so it rained some as we drove. The countryside was beautiful, so green and lush! Cows and donkey were everywhere- in the fields, yards and storefronts, and in the middle of the road. In Ethiopia, you don't use the brake much on a car; you just honk the horn!! HA!

As we drove into Woliso, I was overwhelmed by all the children we saw. They came runnning out to the street- dirty, hungry, some naked- but all smiling and waving. We stopped to buy some bananas and gave some out to the children along the way. They just gobbled them up! They were so hungry! Their hair has a golden tint to it, and it's not from heredity or from dirt; it's from malnourishment.

At the Ammanuel Orphanage, where Ellie stayed, we met Yob, the director, and Shetto, the nanny. Yob was very excited to meet us and know that we had adopted Ellie. Shetto, the nanny, told us how sad and shy Ellie was when she first met her. She was tearful and obviously moved when she heard that you were happy and healthy now. We got the chance to thank her for taking such good care of Ellie, and that is something I will be forever grateful for.

Shetto, nanny that cared for Ellie

Yob, Ammanuel Orphanage director

The tour of the orphanage was nothing short of heart-breaking. It didn't take long, as it is small and compact. We saw the bed that Ellie slept in, and I was overcome with seeing how dirty and tiny it was in that dingy and damp room. I held a baby that was filthy and smelly, and I was broken at the thought that I have been given so much when these children have so little.

The kitchen was the hardest part of all to see. They showed it to us, and all I could think of was "where is the food?" There was none. Nothing. What were they going to eat that day? Was it somewhere else? Would they have anything at all, other than what Sue had brought along with her that day? How many days did Ellie live here without enough to eat? How many nights did she go to bed with her little belly hurting from hunger?

Jeff entering the kitchen

another kitchen view- the thing in front of the orange tank holds coals that they cook over

The children at this orphanage are beautiful. There's no other way to say it! I wish I could post pictures of them with their beautiful smiles and knowing eyes. They would melt your heart. It's against policy to post pics of orphans on the internet, so I can't. But I pray that peoples' hearts are opening to the call of God to open their homes to these children!

While at the orphanage, Yob told us that Ellie's birthmom was nearby and had another baby that she wanted to place for adoption. Before we knew what to think, we were in the car again, on our way to meet the woman who gave life to our beautiful daughter! My emotions were raw, to say the least! I was nervous to meet her, wondering what I should say or how to act. But when I saw her, I was very much at peace.

Her name is Tigist, and she is quiet and beautiful. Ellie has her eyes. She stood not much taller than me, very thin and petite like Ellie will likely be. She was holding Ellie's baby sister, who is about 8 months old. She gave very little eye contact and spoke very softly, but as we stood together longer, she looked directly at me a few times. She is from the Garage (pronounced ga-raw-gi) tribe, known for its strong work ethic. I have no doubt that she works long, hard hours. Before you start to judge her for not taking care of her children, know that she works for about a dollar a day. She can't provide for her children in that kind of poverty. So, she gave Ellie (and is giving her other daughter) a gift that is beyond my scope of mind. She gave them life not only in birth, but through the miracle of adoption. We were able to get a few pictures of us together, that I will cherish forever. She teared up as we thanked her for the gift of Ellie. We promised to love her forever, as if I had given birth to her myself. I pray she is at peace knowing that Ellie is taken care of and loved dearly. I pray she rests well in knowing that her sacrifice was an answer to my prayer.

Ellie's birth mother, Tigist, holding her baby sister

Once we left Tigist, we made a couple of other short visits to other children who are being adopted. Then it was back to Addis, Ellie's baby sister in hand, to meet Ellie face to face for the first time! Stay tuned... that story is next!

The Many Faces of Ellie Kedest Prosser...

2009-08-05T17:03:00.001-07:00

happiness

uncertainty

skepticism

fear

innocence

shyness

joy

contentment

peace

anticipation for her mommy, daddy and brother!

Proud Momma UPDATE

2009-08-02T16:34:00.000-07:00

Today, our son Bryan played in his debut rock concert. "Wow" is really all I know to say. I knew he was good, but he truly blew me away today! It was so fun to watch him play so effortlessly and have so much fun doing it! I'll post some pics as soon as I can, but I had to tell you about it while it was fresh on my mind. Go here to hear the band play!! They ROCK!

This weekend was a wonderful time in our home. Saturday morning started with a "Welcome Home Ellie" shower put on by my dear friends Tina, Sue Ellen, Cassie and Jane. Wow.. I had a blast opening up all of those sweet little girl things! I then bagged them back up and brought them home for Jeff to open all over again! My mom, mother-in-law and niece Kristin were all able to be there as well, so it was extra special for me! Ellie is certainly one very LOVED little girl!

Last night was a special treat. Here at the house, we had a spontaneous little poker game with Jeff, Dad, Joann (jeff's mom), our friend William, and myself (later). What a hoot! We had so much fun together. Deniece and William's mom, Veronica, and their two boys were also here, so we had a house full just like we like it! What a blessing to have friends and family here together. The Bell family (william, deniece, malyk, and malcolm) have become dear friends to us, and we just aren't sure how to feel about not spending next weekend with them too :) Seriously, you guys are a real blessing in our lives, and we count it an honor to call you friends and brothers/sisters in Christ! We look forward to many more dinners, poker games, hair styling parties, and of course.. cheesecakes!!

Here are pics from the shower... WHAT A BLAST!!

Being goofy with the "It's a Girl" balloons!

FBC gals who threw the shower (minus Cassie!)
Thanks so much, ya'll!!

cookies that match Ellie's room... how "sweet" (get it?)

Jeff now knows the difference between a skirt and a skort! do you??

My beautiful friend Michelle.. LOVE HER!

nice...

My sweet niece Kristin, mom (Nana), me, and Joann (Grammy)
Ellie is gonna love these ladies!!

My Heart...

2009-07-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. In fact, of all of the pictures I've seen of our Ellie, this is my absolute favorite. I find myself staring at it, wondering what she is thinking. Is she wondering how my voice will sound as we read this book together? Is she wondering who in the world sent these gifts to her? Is she wondering if her daddy picked out that stuffed monkey?

But mostly when I look at this picture, I see her beauty. I'm struck by these words:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well". (Psalm 139:13-14)

I am in awe of how God works. He had a plan for Ellie Kedest Prosser, long before He knit her together in her mother's womb. She was no mistake, no mere accident. He had a purpose to fulfill in and through her. We are blessed enough to get to be a part of that plan, to nurture her and teach her and direct her as she discovers that plan. I am in awe of how God designs us, made in His image whether we are black, white, yellow, red or green. When I look at this picture, all I see is my daughter, beautiful, innocent, pure. I see the one I have prayed for these past 7 years, knowing that God had a plan for me too. I see a piece of that plan when I look at her.

To say that I am excited doesn't come close to how I feel. I am excited, no doubt. I'm also afraid. What if I am not good enough? What if she doesn't bond with me? So many questions go through my mind. Yet, deep within, I am at peace, knowing that this is right where I need to be, trusting in the Lord to do the bonding and the guiding. And I know that it will happen. I'm not so naive that I think it will be an easy transition for her. But I have faith that what God has begun, He will complete.

I have faith that I will get to have a front row seat as He works out His plan for her life, just as I get to do for Bryan. And for that, I am truly grateful.

INTRODUCING....

2009-07-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

Ellie Kedest Prosser!!

(Didn't I tell you she was beautiful?!)

We could not be more thankful to God for allowing us to have her in our family.
And many thanks to all of you who have prayed with us and for us (and her) throughout this long process.

More to come....for now, we're just celebrating our daughter!

DESTINATION: ELLIE UPDATE

2009-06-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!

Thursday, June 18th

yes, that's next week~

We are so excited by this news! Our agency director contacted us via email yesterday to share this with us. To say that we are stunned is an understatement. I had actually prepared myself for the October dates! ha!

Please begin to pray with us that we will pass court the first time around. If this happens, we could have our girl home very soon!

WOO HOO!!!

I'll be sure to keep you posted...

Finally, some news..

2009-06-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

I have just received word that Ellie was moved to the Transition House in Addis! We have prayed diligently for this to happen, so we are thrilled beyond measure, to say the least.

I have to give a hug thanks to a girl named Elle that is traveling with our agency director in Ethiopia right now. Elle is a teenager and apparently, she has one heck of a heart for God and for children in need. Her mom sent me a message that Elle was with our Ellie when she moved from her orphanage, gave her a bath and has her smelling good now. And Elle is even sleeping with Ellie while she's there with her! I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that someone there is taking a special interest and has fallen in love with my little girl! Elle- I will never be able to repay you for the peace that you helped to restore in my heart, just by knowing you are loving on our Ellie! I pray that God blesses you mightily for your work with His children there.

Still no court date, but we do know that everything was submitted in order to get a date. So, we wait, but with renewed hope, I must say.

Thank you for continuing to pray with us. Because of those prayers, our girl is in a new home with nannies that will love all over her, clean water, a bath and a precious girl loving her too!

Oh, and by the way... she loved the stuffed monkey we sent to her! Whew... thank goodness. We didn't want a repeat of the doll that she hated that we sent! hah!

Celebrating my Guys!

2009-06-02T19:05:00.001-07:00

June 1st was a big day in our home! Not only was it Jeff's 41st birthday, but it was also Bryan's 8th grade graduation.

We had a small party for Jeff on Saturday with his mom, sister and family. Good food, good times, good Rummy playing (I now am owner of the coveted mouse).

Jeff, It's an honor to grow older (I didn't say old yet!) with you. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my love, my life here on earth. I love celebrating you! I love that we've spent all of these years making memories together, and this weekend, we've added more. I hope that you had a wonderful day, and I am praying this year that God continues to protect you, strengthen you and grow you. I'm more and more proud of the man you are every day. I love you!

Notice the cake is half gone already. He couldn't resist and neither could Jim! This was Jeff's only request for his birthday.. his mom's German Chocolate Cake!

Dang.. he gets better lookin' every day! Happy Birthday Hon!

Next, there was Bryan's 8th grade graduation. I can't begin to tell you how wild it is to think that we have a high schooler now. Are we really old enough for this? In all seriousness, this was a fantastic ceremony, and I couldn't be more proud of Bryan.

Bryan, I want you to know that I love you so much. I am so proud of you. You've worked hard, especially in the past few weeks, and I am so proud of that! I am proud of the man you are growing into, and I am honored that God chose me to be your mom. I can't imagine a son better designed for this family than you! You are my miracle man, and I love you! I cannot believe you are going to high school in the fall, but I would never want to keep you from all that God intends for you to become. I pray that you are rooted in His word, grounded in your faith, confident of His grace in your life, and always a young man of integrity. Congrats to you!! I love ya!

wow.. I love him in nice clothes! I cried when he came out of his room!

Like Father, Like Son...

Proud parents

Papa, Nana, Bryan and me.. and the coveted diploma!

Marching in to Pomp and Circumstance

Dad and Lad....special day for both of them!

newest version of my favorite picture. Some things you just never outgrow or tire of!

2009-05-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

So, it's obviously been a while since I posted here. I haven't had much to say, to be honest. I am frustrated. I hope that I can convey what I am feeling without completely confusing anyone or freaking people out. To be completely honest, I am writing more to help me sort things out than anything, so be patient with me.

We've heard nothing on Ellie.

Nothing.

Nada.

Zilch.

Two weeks ago, we were told that the documents needed to be submitted for court were finally in. Last week, we were supposed to actually be submitted. Yet here we are, almost at the end of May, and still no court date.

Some days, I start to worry. I start asking "Am I really meant to be a mom again?" "Did God ever intend for us to have a little girl?". You know the questions that creep in when you are trying your best to hold it together. I know it's Satan, so don't go worrying that I am having doubts about Ellie. Quite the contrary.

I am so tired of hearing people say that Ellie will be here "in God's timing". Maybe I am wrong here; I'm no scholar after all. But I don't think that everything happens just like He wants it to. After all, if it did, wouldn't Adam and Eve still have been in the Garden? I can think of other instances too, but that came to mind first. Quite frankly, I don't believe that God wants Ellie to be in that orphanage for one more minute, much less one more day, month, year.....I believe that He wants her here, at home, with her family. But it's not happening right now, and I can't make myself believe that it's God that is waiting.

I understand how the process works. I don't hold grudges at all against the government procedures; I get them. But that doesn't keep my heart from hurting because I want her here, and she is still there.

I trust that God led us to Ellie. No doubt about it. I knew the moment that I first saw her picture that she was ours. I just knew. Can't really explain it any other way. Some things are just known within you. And I know that one day she'll be here. I'll even go so far to say that when she is here, all of what I am feeling today will melt away and not matter at all.

But today, I hurt. I miss her. I want her room to be filled with her, not just books, clothing and pretty things. I want my little girl. I can hear Bryan upstairs right now. I want to hear her too.

Pray for us please. This is harder than I ever anticipated. I appreciate how you have covered us in prayer.

Maybe soon we will hear something good....

Running For Ellie

2009-04-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

This morning, Jeff joined 11,999 other runners in Louisville for the 2009 mini marathon. Wow.. what a blast! Bryan and I, along with my mom & dad and Jeff's mom were there to cheer him on.
I can't tell you how proud I was of him as he crossed that finish line. He rocked. And.. he was the sexiest runner out there too :)

This was all done as a way to raise money to bring Ellie home. I cannot wait to tell her this story. She's one blessed little girl to have a daddy like him, as Bryan can already attest to.

Jeff coming across the finish line. He's on the right in the visor.

Woo hoo... he made it!

Bryan was so proud

Jeff and his mom.

My mom and dad

I'm proud of you Jeff. I love you!

2009-04-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Bryan & Ellie,

Today is Easter Sunday. All over the world, people have been dressing up in pretty dresses, hiding and hunting for colored eggs, and celebrating the easter bunny's visit to their home. All of that is fun and fine to do. But I wouldn't be a very good mom if I didn't stop to tell you what Easter is really all about. So, this is my Easter gift to you.

Easter is the reason we can celebrate. Without Easter, Christmas isn't complete. As followers of Christ, this day is the day that allows us to live with joy and hope and security, no matter what is going on all around us. Jesus, who was completely human and completely God all at once, willingly died on the cross. It was a cruel death. He was beaten, His body torn. He was bloody and gory, and if truth be told, we probably wouldn't have wanted to look at Him then. Sometimes we make the Cross seem less horrific than it really was. I want you to understand the great lengths that He went to for you and for me, for the world.

They killed Him on that Cross. That was their plan all along. And He knew it when He walked that road towards that hill, carrying that Cross on his back. Scripture tells us that the sun stopped shining and the curtain of the temple was torn in two, breaking the barrier between God and man once and for all. It must have been scary and magnificent all at once to have witnessed that moment.

But, if the story ended there, we'd have no hope. We'd be like others who serve a god that has died and lays entombed still today. No. That's not what happened at all. They put His lifeless body in a tomb, but 3 days later, He arose out of that grave fully alive!! THAT is the reason we celebrate. We serve a Savior who has conquered not only life but death as well!

Bryan, I know you are a believer. I remember the day you asked Jesus to come into your life. I am so excited that you know Him! I pray that you allow His resurrection power to work freely in your life. I pray that you take advantage of the fact that you can go freely to God at any time and for anything. He loves you, even more than your dad and I do (that's hard to fathom!). I pray that you trust that the blood He shed for you is still at work within you today! It NEVER FAILS Bryan. It can get you through anything, even when things seem impossible to you. I love you so much Bryan. I hope that you see me living as one who knows that I serve a Risen Savior every day. Forgive me for those days that I haven't done that.

Ellie, I pray right now that you are surrounded by people who know the Lord. I pray that today they told you the story of Jesus' resurrection. I pray that you are hearing that He loves you each and every day. I pray that one day you will understand that His love for you is bigger than you can ever dream or imagine, and that He died on that cross for you! Just as we are adopting you into our family, God wants to adopt you into His family, Ellie. One day you will understand this, I know. Your coming into our family is a beautiful picture of what God does for us... He finds us in our need, loves us just as we are and where we are, and He will go to any length to bring us to Him. He's always had you on His mind Ellie. Until you understand that for yourself, I will trust Him for you.

I pray that both of you celebrate Easter every day. He IS risen...

I love you,
Mom

I Believe

2009-04-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:6-7)

I read those words this afternoon. It was perfect timing, no doubt. God knew what I needed to hear. You see, I've been anxious, worried and frustrated. I've been feeling like MY timing is best. I've been wrestling with God about this adoption: what is the hold up, why haven't we gotten our court date? I've been doing too much whining and not enough praying.

Scripture says that I should humble myself before God, and He will lift me IN DUE TIME. It then immediately tells me that He cares for me. Coincidence? I think not. I believe that God understands how hard it is to wait on His timing. So, He immediately follows up those instructions with encouragement that He loves and cares for us.

As we wait for a court date for Ellie, I find myself bouncing back and forth between absolute excitement and doubt. I find myself saying things like "She's never coming home" or "Maybe we were wrong about this". But I know that isn't true. That is Satan trying to get me to give up hope. And well, that is never going to happen!

Did you hear that Satan (because I know you are listening here!)??
I WILL NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!

I believe that God created a precious little girl in a small village in Ethiopia around 2 1/2 years ago. I believe that He knew the extreme poverty that her mother would live in. I believe that He made a plan for her life from the very beginning, a plan that would prosper her and not bring her harm. I believe that He heard the cry of my heart, desiring to be a mother again. And I believe that in His infinite wisdom, God ordained that she would be that child. I believe that God knew from her first breath, that her mother would bring her into the world, but this mother would nurture her future. I believe that God ordained that her mother would step forward with courage and grace to make a plan that would allow her baby to have a life with more opportunity. I believe that He orchestrated every step of this process for us to wind up where she was waiting so that we could become a family.

I believe that one day, she will run through this house, calling me "Mommy" and calling Jeff "Daddy". I believe that she will adore Bryan, her big brother. I believe that she will have sleepovers with Nana, Papa, and Grammy. I believe that she will go to Gatlinburg with her Uncle Chris, Aunt Shelly and Kristin, and love it as much as they do. I believe that she will sing the silly "Sunday School Nightclub" songs with Aunt Lisa, Uncle Jim, Aaron and Breanna. I believe that she will walk through the doors of First Baptist Church into her family that has prayed for her for so long. I believe there will be many good night kisses, long bear hugs, sore throats, skinned knees, and broken hearts. I believe there will be piano lessons, school parties, proms and tests to study for. I believe that one day I will sit in a beautiful sanctuary where she will walk down the aisle on the arm of her Daddy to a man that God has already chosen for her.

I believe that she is my daughter.

Please pray for us as we wait for Ellie. We are in a bit of a crunch with time, as some of our important documents are about to expire. That will only delay bringing her home. Here are specific prayer requests:
1. to have a court date assigned and pass! (specifically assigned this week!)
2. for Ellie to move from her current orphanage to the Transition House in the city
3. continued health and safety for Ellie as she waits
4. for Ellie to begin to understand that we are her family, and that we love her
5. for her nannies and caretakers
6. for the staff of our agency who work so diligently to get through the paperwork chaos!
7. for the other children who are waiting with Ellie for their families
8. for us... as we wait and hope with great anticipation for the day that she is at home with us.

Thank you for how you have supported us in prayer, finances and encouragement so far on this journey. We truly could not do this without the love and support of so many friends and family!

Keep Believing

Metal Mouth

2009-03-31T17:25:00.000-07:00

Before anyone fusses at me for making fun of Bryan, know that he wanted me to call this "Brace Face".

Bryan reached a milestone in life today. He got braces. I think he looks older already.
The fun will be deciding which colors to use every time. He went with red and green for the inaugural day. Here are some pics.

He's so handsome, isn't he?

See the red and green?

In case you couldn't see it before!

Surely I am not old enough to have a son this grown~

How Deep the Father's Love for Us...

2009-03-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

We sang this song in church on Sunday, and it has resonated with me since then. I was overwhelmed as I sang these words at the sacrifice that God made... for me! But the one thought that echoes over and over in my mind is that this is how God has worked out my adoption. I am adopted too. Did you hear that? I am adopted by the Father of the Universe, the Creator of all that is and is to come, the Alpha and Omega. He's my Abba, my Daddy. He has adopted me into his family.

Scripture says that "In love, He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will" (Ephesians 1:5) And it was the sacrifice of Jesus that made this possible.

Our adoption journey to bring Ellie home has taught me so much about what God has done for me. His love is deep- so much deeper than I can imagine or dream of. I am so thankful that my family is also adopted. We have a personal relationship with Christ that gives us hope and assurance and security. Oh, how I pray that one day Ellie is adopted again... this time to His eternal family. THAT will be a day of celebration!

Progress

2009-03-12T18:01:00.000-07:00

Jeff got the chair rail done for Ellie's room last week. It's precious.. exactly what I had imagined (thanks, hon, for all the work you put into it!). I love it. So, as promised... here are the pics. I still need something to go on the wall above her bed, and we will still add a bookshelf in there, but overall, it's just about finished!

Her name Ellie means "shining light" or "noble". Her Ethiopian name means "Blessed". We are blessed by her, for sure!

Bryan helped with the "special effects". Not bad, huh?? I love it!

This is still my favorite part of the room... "Such a big miracle in such a little girl". She has no idea how true that is!

The picture on her dresser is of her and her best friend in Ethiopia. So sweet....

The pillows make the bed! And I still love that lamp!

That chair rail sets things off, doesn't it??

This rocker was mine when I was a little girl! I love that Ellie will get to use it now.

We still have not heard about a court date yet. So, we wait and then wait some more. We still trust that God's timing is perfect. We did get a new video of her opening the package that we sent to her recently. That was amazing to see! She has pictures of us now, and the nannies at her orphanage will be telling her every day that we are her new momma, daddy, and brother. WOW!! DID YOU HEAR THAT?

WE are her FAMILY!
And that's really what this is all about....

Ellie, we love you. We're ready to have you home with us forever.

dé⋅jà vu

2009-03-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

Ever have that feeling that you've done something before or been somewhere before? I have that today.

And I'm right.

I have done this before. EXACTLY 1 year ago today, in fact.

I have pneumonia... again. I knew I had had it last year around this time too. Jeff was in Guatemala at the time, and Mom came to help me out. I looked at my old blog entries only to find that I was diagnosed on March 10th, 2008.

I'm thinking that next year when March rolls around, I'm moving into a bubble for a while.

13 years ago.....

2009-02-27T11:46:00.000-08:00

13 years ago this weekend, I awoke to the knowledge that our lives would be forever changed. My water had broken; our baby was on the way.

We didn't know if we were having a girl or a boy. We had wanted to be surprised. The nursery was ready to go, completely stocked for our new addition. We were as ready as two new parents could be. But little did we know what awaited us.

In all of my dreams, I never could have envisioned how AWESOME Bryan would be! He was born at 5:34pm on February 29th, 1996... LEAP DAY! We should have known then how special he was just because of the cool birthday he chose as his arrival. But you just can't prepare for someone like Bryan.

Throughout the years, Bryan has brought me so much joy. It is an honor to be his mom. It's a privilege to watch him grow and to see him becoming a young man. He has made me laugh harder than I ever thought possible. He's embarrassed me more than I ever thought possible (ask me about some of his antics... i have stories to tell!). He has sometimes made me cry more than I thought possible. He has made me swell with pride more than I ever thought possible. He has made me a better person. He has taught me what it means to love sacrificially. He's taught me more about the Love of Christ than I knew before.

Bryan, I can't believe you are a teenager (well, technically 3 1/4 years old). I look at you and see a truly wonderful young man before my eyes. I am so proud of you. I am proud of the person you are, and the man you are becoming. I am proud of your heart, how you care for people. I love your genuine nature and how you are just yourself. I love your warped sense of humor, and how you laugh and make me laugh. I love being your mom. You've had my heart from the time I first knew you existed. I love that we are celebrating this 13th birthday all weekend... YOU ROCK!
Happy 13th Bryan... I love ya!

What A Great Idea!

2009-02-21T14:24:00.000-08:00

Jeff is working hard to bring in some money for our adoption travel. Check it out here, and let us know if you want to be a part of this.

Thanks!

Could I Ask For More?

2009-02-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

This week, people will run wild trying to find that perfect gift to prove to their loved one just how much they mean to them. Card sales will sky-rocket. Chocolate sales will be through the roof, and don't even get me started on the price of a dozen roses. Yes, this week is Valentine's Day, that one special day we set aside to tell that special someone that we love him or her.

Jeff and I are not buying gifts for each other. Don't get me wrong; we love each other. Oh, let me tell ya. There is a whole lotta lovin' in this house! But we decided that we didn't need to use the debit card to show it. We are writing letters to each other for Valentine's Day (Jeff, that's your reminder in case you have forgotten!:))

Today, I heard someone talking about their spouse, and it made me sad. I didn't hear a lot of joy. I didn't hear any excitement about the relationship. I didn't hear trust or friendship or commitment. What I heard sounded like "I'm stuck with this person for the rest of my life". My heart broke because of that.

I can tell you that my love for Jeff today is stronger than it has ever been. I can tell you that he has become the closest friend and supporter I have ever known. I can tell you that he knows my needs before I speak them, and better yet, he tries to meet those needs! I can tell you that he recognizes when I am struggling with a bad day sometimes before I even know why I am upset. His voice reassures me.

He still opens the door for me EVERY SINGLE TIME WE GO SOMEWHERE! He still holds my hand, just because. He still puts his arm around me and pulls me close. He still winks at me sometimes when he is up front in church. He still kisses me first when he comes home in the evenings.

I still get butterflies when I see him walk in the room. I still get that goofy grin in the middle of the day when I think about him. I still love it when he calls me "Bird".

No doubt about it, I am one blessed woman. Could I ever ask for more? Jeff, you have truly colored my world. I'll be your Valentine this year, and forever.

We can't ignore

2009-01-25T13:50:00.000-08:00

I saw this video today while reading a blog that I follow often. It reminds me of our time in Uganda, but it also reminds me of why we are in this adoption process at all. Our little girl could have been these children. I just weep at the thought of that, but I know that for so many children, this is reality.

I am burdened to make a difference. What about you?

Oh God, forgive us for the times we have overlooked your children, your creation. Forgive us for not being thankful for our abundance and for not finding ways to share it with the world around us. Open our eyes, God. Let us be disturbed and burdened to act when we see these images. Give us your heart, Father. Teach us to love like you do.

For those who want to know how to make a difference, here is a place to start.

A Bold Statement

2009-01-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

Last night, Jeff & I saw "Wicked".

I was blown away. It was the best thing I have ever seen.

It was even better than seeing Kenny Rogers live.

Enough said.

ch-ch-ch-changes

2009-01-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

Our house is looking a bit different these days. This weekend was a whirlwind of home improvement, and we had a blast!

On Friday, Jeff and I started painting Ellie's room in preparation for bringing her home. I have to say that when that pink paint went on the walls, I got all teary-eyed. WOW.. I never thought I would be doing that! God is so good...

Saturday, we finished up her room, and decided while we were at it, we should go ahead and do some things in Bryan's room as well. I won't keep you waiting any longer. Here are the pics.

Never thought I would need pink paint....

Just making sure that I liked the color

The dresser, obviously. Horton is hanging out in there too!

headboard and cute lamp from Nana. There will be a lime green chair rail in between the pink and white eventually.

My favorite part of the room. So true... she is most definitely a miracle!

Bryan's "beastly" drumset (his words!), and the newly added stripe on the wall. Very teenage-ish, huh?

Drum heads from Bryan's first set (spells p-u-n-k), two authentic samurai swords, and some old skateboards... very cool!

So Proud...

2009-01-15T17:09:00.000-08:00

Last week, Bryan participated in his school's Geography Bee. First of all, let me say that this was not mandatory, and I was excited that he chose to participate at all. I was even more excited when he made the highest score in the 8th grade for the 2nd round. That got him into the finals.

Jeff and I went to cheer him on. Quite frankly, I was surprised that we were the only parents there. This is a big deal, people! These students were being asked HARD questions. I was a nervous wreck for Bryan!

He was eliminated in the 3rd round of the finals, but it doesn't matter.

Bryan, I am proud of you. You stood confidently and answered those questions to the best of your ability. I was so proud to watch you standing there, knowing that it was making you nervous. Yet, you persevered, and I can't say enough about how proud I was to watch that. You are an amazing young man, and on days like that one I get a glimpse of the man you are growing to be. It makes my heart almost burst with love and pride. I couldn't ask for more in a son, Bryan!

In honor of Bryan, I thought we could have a little Geography quiz here ourselves. Go here and take the US Geography quiz. How did you do? I scored 135/150. Good luck!

2009 riddle....

2009-01-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

What's 32 inches, 22 pounds and has the most beautiful smile imaginable?

Our little girl!

This is the post I have waited to write for so long!! We know who she is!
Yes, you heard me correctly.. we KNOW WHO SHE IS!

I am trembling as I write these words. It's not that I am cold or scared. I am truly in awe of God and how He hears us. You see, if you look back at this blog throughout the year (and if you have talked to Jeff or I at all this year), you will see a consistent theme to our prayers. We have prayed diligently, along with our family and friends, to know who it is that God has designed for our family, to be our daughter. Specifically though, we asked that He show us her by the end of the year.

This is where it starts to get really good...

On December 20th, I got online to check some emails, and like I always do, I looked at the website for our adoption agency to see if there were any new girls listed. I didn't really expect it, but it's become a routine to me. Anyway, much to my surprise there was a new little face smiling at me there. There was no more information, so I emailed our director asking for some specifics and thinking she would get back with me in a few days (it was a Saturday after all!) Sue, our director, emailed me back immediately asking if she could call me.

She called me minutes later and told me about this little girl... as much as she knew at that time. There wasn't a lot of information known, if truth be told, but what we learned was sad and exciting all at once. I shared all of this with Jeff while Sue emailed us more pictures of this girl. We felt a connection immediately. Precious doesn't begin to describe her! We were told that a video of her would be sent to us to view, but also we were told that another couple was considering her for adoption as well. We began to pray, along with many others.

On December 22nd, we learned that the other family had decided to wait for an infant girl, as they had originally planned.

On December 27th, we received a DVD of this little girl in the mail. I was a nervous wreck as we began to watch it! We were able to see her playing with a ball, and it was such a blessing to see her healthy and with all of her developmental skills as they should be. We wept as we watched her take the hand of the nanny and walk outside. Wow... what else can I say?

Jeff and I decided that we would not make any decision until the medical evaluation was complete. On December 30th, we received word that she had been evaluated and that there were no medical concerns. We knew that she was the one for us. God had indeed answered our prayers faithfully... and just when we had asked (by the end of the year). For good measure, He also gave us a bonus... our dossier was returned to us on December 31st, authenticated and sealed by the US Department of State and the Ethiopian Embassy in Washington DC!

Today, we received the complete medical evaluation, and it has only made us more and more certain that this child is truly meant to be ours. We feel a tremendous connection with her, and we want to rescue her from where she is currently living. Please pray for her as she deals with severe malnutrition (and little hope of having that improved in her current placement), some minor and common illnesses (we are talking about a third world country), and mostly for her emotional well-being. All reports indicate that she is a very scared and sad little girl. Who wouldn't be? She's experienced a great deal of hurt and loss in her life, so we see this as a normal response. We are fully aware of the extra time she will need to trust us once she is home with us. She hasn't exactly had a lot of reason to trust people in her life.

We trust that God has held her protectively and lovingly in His hands throughout her life. And we trust that He has brought us to her, shown us her face and overwhelmed us with a love for her that is amazing. We trust that His love is ever-healing, and that she will eventually blossom and flourish in our home.

"Now to Him who is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Eph. 3:20)

Christmas Traditions, Part 7 & 8

2008-12-28T13:09:00.001-08:00

This year we started a new tradition in our family. We always attend the Christmas Eve service at FBC, and usually we drive to Louisville right afterwards. This year, however, we decided to do things a little differently. We went to Waffle House to eat dinner and spread some Christmas cheer. We were blessed to be able to take a gift to our server that night, and we sincerely hope that she felt the love of God in our small gesture. Barbara, we pray your Christmas was full on the love and peace of Jesus.

Christmas morning we got up and drove to mom and dad's. This is a long tradition. Chris, Shelly and Kristin beat us there, and when we arrived we got right to the gift opening! I love to watch Bryan and Kristin opening their gifts. They love it and are always excited. I love that they still have that much fun with it!
I have to say that the most special time for me was opening the gifts that they gave to Ellie. Chris, Shelly and Kristin got a CD with songs full of her name.. such a thoughtful gift! And Mom and Dad gave her a stuffed animal (Horton!) and lots of books. It was so exciting to me to imagine what it will be like when she is finally here with us! I was almost crying just thinking about that!

One of our other traditions of Christmas Day, after laughing through the prayer and having dinner, is the annual Poker tournament. Congrats to the winners...which was certainly not ME! Here is Dad getting his chips ready...
We had a wonderful time together, just laughing, playing, and hanging out. I love you all so much! Thanks for the great Christmas.

I leave you with just one more picture especially for my Dad and Chris. You know I love you both....

Christmas Traditions, Part 6

2008-12-23T19:27:00.000-08:00

The Presents...

I love to give gifts. In fact, it is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. I know that Christmas isn't all about the presents, and Jeff & I don't even exchange them at all. But still, as a mom, I love to see the look on Bryan's face when he opens a present. In fact, one of the things I love most about Bryan is his excitement about getting a gift. We don't go overboard on the presents here, but we do usually give one gift that is the "big" thing. This year was extra special.

Bryan has been saving his money for several months for a new drum set. In November, he had saved enough to put one on lay-away at our local music store, Curriers. He was so excited, knowing that in all likelihood, he would get enough money from grandparents to pay it off completely. Little did he know that we were planning to do that for him. We had it all worked out to surprise him on Christmas Eve, but when Jeff's family was here last weekend, he got enough money from Grammy to pay it off. We ran out of excuses not to go, so we went ahead and let him have them early, letting the surprise be that the drums were already paid for.

I can't tell you how much fun it was to watch him in that music store as he handed over his money to the owner, only to hear her say that it was "paid in full". He was literally shaking! We simply looked at him and said "Merry Christmas", and it still took a few minutes to register. (He did spend that money though, since they gave him a sweet deal on a cymbal package! )

Tonight, we let him go ahead and open the rest of his gifts.. mostly some clothes that he needed anyway, and a really cool IPod dock. The best part of the night was truly just watching him smile and be a kid. I love watching him be a kid. I don't ever want him to lose that excitement and innocence. It melts my heart to see it!

Here are some pics of Bryan enjoying his gifts. Enjoy!

According to Bryan, this is a "Beast" of a set!

The Africa Shirt.. in honor of Ellie

Is it jeans??

You know, something struck me as Bryan was getting his drumset yesterday. When the store owner said that his debt was "paid in full", he realized that he had received a great gift. God gave us a gift, wrapped in swaddling clothes instead of ribbons and bows. His name is Jesus, Immanuel, God with us. Our debt (from sin) is "paid in full" by the sacrifice of Jesus, God's only son, freeing us from fear, worry, envy, hatred, and breaking the bonds of sin forever. His gift of Jesus is the ultimate gift.. the only one we ever really need at all. I am so thankful for that reminder in that music store yesterday.

I pray that you know your debt is "paid in full" too. Merry Christmas.

The Prosser Christmas Dance

2008-12-20T17:45:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Christmas Traditions, Part 5

2008-12-20T08:36:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, we started a new tradition of having Jeff's family at our house the weekend before Christmas. This was really two-fold. First, we loving having family at our house. Secondly, this would allow us to stay in one place on Christmas Day, something we weren't getting the chance to do since we were traveling in between families. So, we asked if they would be willing to come to us the weekend before, share a meal, open gifts, and just enjoy being a family. It's turned out to be one of my most favorite parts of the Christmas season.

Last night, everyone arrived and we had a dinner together. Next came presents (the kids couldn't wait much longer!) and then the traditional "Sanctioned Rummy Game". The Rummy Game has been going on for YEARS in this family. We play at every get-together, and we compete for the trophy- the coveted MOUSE! This year got a little crazy, to say the least. See for yourself.

Here are a few pics of our time together last night....

Cupcakes made especially for Breanna... NO NUTS OR PEANUT BUTTER!

The "fellas"...showing off their gifts

Jeff showing off his princess dress (oops... I mean Breanna's dress!)

Love this girl...

Did I mention we get a little goofy with the Rummy game?

Grammy and her crew getting in on the fun!

Scary Mary...

Grammy wins the mouse! Grammy wins the mouse!

I feel so blessed to be a part of this family. They are a gift from God to me, and I love being with them. Merry Christmas ya'll. I can't wait until Ellie gets to meet you too!

Christmas Traditions, Part 4, and a birthday blast

2008-12-16T20:06:00.001-08:00

Today, I celebrated my 36th birthday. Geez, can I really be this old already? I don't feel 36...
Anyway, I had a great day. Here's the recap...

It snowed! Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE snow, so that was a fantastic way to start my day. I loved driving to work in it... seriously! I love the fresh snow first thing in the mornings when the traffic hasn't messed it all up yet. beautiful...

Jeff, Bryan and I have a birthday tradition of going to dinner at the restaurant of your choice. I chose well. We ate WAY TOO MUCH at PF Changs tonight... yum. Holy cow.

Afterwards, we went to the KY Horse Park to the Southern Lights. It's actually a yearly Christmas Tradition for us, and one that I always look forward to. We had a blast! The lights were great, but I have to admit that they are not my favorite part of the night. I LOVE the petting zoo and the indoor exhibits. Here are some pics for you to enjoy.

Jeff and Bryan at PF Chang's

Six Geese a Laying...

Jeff choking a llama

I think the llama was kissing Bryan. He looks embarrassed, doesn't he?

If you enlarge this and look closely, you can find the spotted elephant from Rudolph, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and the Abominable Snowman too... along with tons of other Christmas characters. This is my absolute favorite exhibit. We played "I Spy" with this for a long time!

How was I to resist a "man" in uniform?

Oh no you didn't look up Mrs. Claus's dress!

Thanks Jeff and Bryan for the wonderful night out! I had a blast. You guys make every day special, and I love ya'll. And thanks to Mom, Dad and Joann for going in with Jeff to get me tickets to see Wicked!! I am psyched about that! You can be sure I will have plenty to post about when that comes around in January. I have wanted to go for so long now. You couldn't have gotten me anything better! thanks, and I love you all.

Christmas Traditions, Part 3

2008-12-11T15:59:00.000-08:00

The Christmas Prayer

When I was a kid, we had a tradition for several years of going to see a movie on Christmas Eve. Afterward, we would come home and gather around the Christmas tree to open gifts. However, before we opened them, Dad would read the story of Jesus' birth from the Bible and we would pray together as a family.

I really don't know exactly when it started to go wrong. I suppose it was because of the excitement of finally getting to open those presents we'd been shaking and staring at for so long. We were kids, after all! Whatever it was, though, it went like this. The Christmas story was read, Dad began to pray, and Chris & I busted out laughing. I mean the kind of laughing that has tears rolling down your face! We couldn't stop. The first year it happened, I do remember Dad stopping mid-prayer, looking at us, and asking what in the world was going on. We quieted down, but as soon as he started again, so did the laughter. Every year, it was the same thing. Seriously.

Every year.

Fast forward to now... The same thing still happens. I remember in 1991, and Chris and Shelly were sharing their first Christmas as a married couple. Jeff and I were engaged, and I guess I thought that since we were "grown up" now, we would be able to make it through a prayer. But, no. We couldn't do it. Shelly and Jeff must have thought we were insane. I tried to explain it, but I was laughing too hard. Mom just smiled and rolled her eyes, no doubt thinking "What have I done wrong?"

These days the only thing that is different is that we don't get together on Christmas Eve. Instead we gather and Mom and Dad's on Christmas Day, and yes, we still laugh as soon as Dad starts to pray. Even Dad laughs now. Our kids, on the other hand... they think we are weird!

I love that I have a family I can laugh with. I love the joy of the Christmas season. What makes you smile at Christmas?

Christmas Traditions, Part 2

2008-12-09T13:41:00.000-08:00

The Prosser/Osborne Cooking Baking Extravaganza

This is a favorite tradition that started in 1995, when I was still pregnant with Bryan. Jeff and I got together with our friends Doug and Michelle to bake some sugar cookies. It seemed so simple and fun. Now, 13 years later, it's a full day of baking, gifts, and lots of laughter!

We've gone from one batch of dough to a quadruple batch this year! We've added Bryan and Bella to the mix throughout the years. We've exchanged a lot of gifts. We've laughed til we cried, drank way too much Mt. Dew, ate a lot of Chinese takeout, and made memories to last a lifetime.

Here are some pics from this year's fun..

I am pretty sure Bryan's mouth is full of cookie dough in this picture!

Michelle and Bella sharing some dough....

Doug makes a masterpiece...

Bryan and Bella ready for presents. Bryan got a little taste of what it might be like to have a little girl in the house!! He's gonna be an AWESOME big brother!!

Christmas Traditions

2008-12-08T16:21:00.000-08:00

We have a lot of Christmas traditions around here. The one that kicks off everything, though, is the decorating of the tree and home. Now, let me tell you... I LOVE to decorate the tree and the house. We have Christmas stuff everywhere. I love the snowmen, santas, nativity, bells, wreaths. You name it, it's in this house. I wouldn't have it any other way. Just walking through the house makes me smile.

Since the basement is complete, and we spend a great deal of time down here, we decided that the tree should go down here too. That way, we can enjoy it more. I have to admit that I was leery of not having the tree in front of the big window in the great room upstairs. That's where it always sits! But, it's perfect down here. I love coming down the steps and seeing it all lit up. But my favorite part of the tree has to be the ornaments.

We have all kinds of ornaments (see Jeff's blog about another special ornament here), but I want to show you just two of them here.
The first is my all time favorite. Bryan made this when he was in the first grade I think. All of the kids were making smiley faces out of their thumbprints, but not Bryan. A smiley face was not good enough. He made his a viking, complete with sword, shield and hat! How cute is that?? This is mine and Jeff's favorite, for obvious reasons.

The second is an ornament that was made for me by my Granny England.
She was not my "real" Granny, but in my heart, I will always consider her that! I miss her so much, and having this ornament that she made with her own hands is so special to me.

And finally, I will share with you a favorite decoration of mine. This is a Santa that I made when I was a little girl. I actually have two, one of which my brother made. I thought about giving his to him, but they have always sat together at Christmas (they always sat on the piano when we were growing up), so I couldn't separate them now! Sorry Chris. It's made of a toilet paper roll and felt! How cute is that?? Here is mine...

I pray that you are enjoying the sights of Christmas too! Stay tuned here as I share more of our Christmas traditions throughout the week and month!

Blessings on you all.....

2008-12-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

I find myself feeling a bit out of sorts lately. I am getting antsy for Ellie to be home. We've waited a long time. I am tired of waiting. I trust God's timing, don't get me wrong. I just want her here with us.

Thanksgiving Day was hard for me. I filled my plate and sat down, only to find that my appetite was not there anymore. All I could think of was "Does Ellie have enough to eat today?" I couldn't get that thought out of my mind, and I found that my thoughts of Ellie being so far away really took hold of me. I enjoyed time with our family, no doubt, but it felt awkward.

It felt incomplete.

It was incomplete.

I know that God is taking care of her, but I want that privilege for myself. No, it's not that I think I can do a better job. And I don't want to cheat Ellie's birth mother out of any time with her little girl. But my heart longs for her to be with me at the same time.

I have prayed all year that we would know who Ellie is by Christmas. Maybe that will still happen, but I find myself more and more telling myself to not get my hopes up. I don't want to be disappointed. And I don't want these thoughts to keep me from enjoying every minute of this season with Jeff and Bryan.

Please keep us in your prayers as we wait. Waiting stinks.

Blessings and prayers

2008-11-24T18:21:00.000-08:00

Our adoption process has been one of the greatest journeys of my life.

I can remember when I was pregnant with Bryan, how I literally spent hours praying for his life. When he moved inside of me, I prayed for his health, for his future, for his salvation. The first moment I saw his face, I remember feeling as if I were meeting an old friend. I already knew him; he had been with me for so long that it just felt right to hold him and care for him. He was mine.

Obviously, I don't have the opportunity to feel Ellie inside of me like I did with Bryan. Another woman had that privilege, and I would not take that from her for anything in the world. I am honored that she carried the child that I will call my own and even more honored that she is entrusting that precious girl to me. But, you know, even without a pregnancy, Ellie is growing within me. She is growing in my heart.

With every new step in the process, I feel her more and more. I believe that when we meet, it will be natural. I believe that God has intended for us to be together since she was being knit in her mother's womb. And I am humbled by that. Like I said, this has been an amazing journey. God has reminded me of His unfailing love for me, how he adopted me into His family too! Wow...

I have had a front row seat to watch God work throughout this past year, as He puts everything together to bring Ellie home to us. He has answered so many prayers. He healed our hearts when we lost everything with Vietnam. He gave us new hope in Ethiopia. He even answered the seemingly simple requests I have made (like the hair questions!). He has been faithful to let us know that He is in control of everything, including the timing of bringing our girl home (think t-shirt that I posted about not long ago). And He continues to blow our minds with how He is providing the finances for this process.

Make no mistake: Adoption is very expensive. We make a good living, but we don't have that kind of money laying around here, for sure. In the beginning, we vowed to God and to each other that we would do this adoption debt free. We have been blessed by parents who have been so gracious to help us financially (thanks mom, dad and Joann!). But I have to tell you about something that I consider extraordinary!

A few weeks ago, I mentioned (as I always do) our adoption as a prayer request in my Sunday school class. I mentioned specifically that we will be coming to some very expensive parts of this process soon (we hope!). After class, a lady that I have never met before came to me, introduced herself and said "My husband and I would like to give you some money". I won't go into all of the details (not sure if she would want me to), but suffice it to say that she blessed our socks off! I was literally blown away by the generosity of these two people who did not even know us! It was yet more proof that God's desire is to unite us with our Ellie.

To the couple who gave so lovingly, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. God has used you mightily, and our daughter will know that you loved her unconditionally before you even knew who she was. Thank you for being disciples of Christ that gave willingly and lovingly. We can't wait for you to meet our girl!

To our parents... what is there to say? I Know you have given because you want Ellie home about as much as we do. Yet, you didn't have to do that for us. Your love has been incredible and encouraging throughout this entire process. Thank you for being so excited about your granddaughter! Thank you for celebrating with us along the way. We can't wait for you to meet Ellie (soon, we hope!)

And most of all, thanks be to God, who has faithfully blessed us, answered us, directed us and loved us always. May we be true disciples of you always.

Please continue to pray as we continue to gather the finances we need to bring our Ellie home.

Thanks!

Special Delivery

2008-11-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

This week has been hard for me. Maybe it's the holidays coming upon us so quickly. Maybe it's the cooler weather. Maybe it's just me. I don't know the "why" but I know that I have been missing Ellie this week. It's strange to miss someone you have never met. But, you see, I already love her. She is already a part of our family, in our hearts. We already refer to her as ours. We just need to know who she is and bring her home!

I had hoped and prayed that we would have her here with us by Christmas this year. Obviously, that is not going to happen. And that's okay. Our prayers have been for God to bring her to us in His timing, which we trust is perfect. But still... how I wish she were here.

I've done some Christmas shopping, wishing that she were here to see the lights and hear the music. I've wished that she were here to take to visit Santa. I've wished she were here to see all of the families at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I've wished she were here to tell the Christmas story to so that she will hear of the miracle of Christmas.

As I have had these wishes, I have prayed so much for her. I've prayed protection over her from illness, from poverty and not enough food to eat. I've prayed for her heart that may be breaking as her mother chooses an adoption plan in the ultimate sacrifice to save her precious girl's life. I've prayed for that mother, whose heart must be breaking to make such a decision. I pray that I am worthy of her trust.

I'll admit that I have questioned whether God has heard my prayers. There have been no new girls listed on our agency site, and that is disheartening. My humanness has led me to question at times "Will this fall apart again like Vietnam?". And once again, God has answered my prayers perfectly.

Yesterday, Jeff went out to get the mail. In the box, he found a small package that held a child's t-shirt. On that shirt were the words "Special Delivery from Ethiopia". It was as if God Himself were saying to us "She is on the way. I am bringing Ellie to you. Just be patient. Trust my plan".

I do trust His plan.

Ellie, we can't wait to meet you. We can't wait for that moment when we get to see your sweet face and know that you were chosen for us. We can't wait to hold you, kiss you, and bring you to your forever home. We're coming, baby girl. Just be patient, and trust His plan.

Make A Difference

2008-11-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

Today in the mail, I received one of my favorite things. It wasn't a magazine or a sales add. It wasn't anything to do with our adoption (although I got our correct birth certificates today too!). Today, I received a letter. And not just any letter. This letter was from Susan, the child that we sponsor through Compassion International.

We began sponsoring Susan through the youth group at FBC when Jeff was Youth Minister. However, after his position changed, we decided to take on the sponsorship ourselves. You see, we are connected to Susan. In many ways, I feel like she is a part of our family. Heck, she is a part of our family!

A few years ago, we were blessed to travel to Uganda for a mission trip. While there, we were able to meet Susan. She traveled more than 10 hours from her village to meet us at the Entebbe airport. I will never forget her face as she held that little sign with her name on it, standing there on the sidewalk waiting for us. We spent an afternoon at the zoo, holding hands and looking at the animals and flowers. We couldn't speak the same language, but we connected. I left that zoo changed forever, all because of the smile of a little girl.

You see, Susan smiles despite the circumstances of her life. Susan smiles even though both of her parents have died from AIDS. Susan smiles despite poverty. Susan smiles because she knows a loving Father in Heaven who holds her. Because of Compassion, Susan gets to know of the love of Jesus. Because of Compassion, Susan gets to eat, to study, to thrive. She aspires to be a lawyer, and she would love to come to America one day to visit and "see the airports".

When we first started to support Susan, I thought that I was helping her. What I know now, is that she has helped me far more than I ever dreamed. She has helped me to see beyond my selfishness. She has helped me to aspire to be more than I am today. She has helped me to find joy in all circumstances. She helped to ignite a passion in me to adopt, and I believe it is no coincidence that we are adopting from Africa.

Would you commit to sponsor a child too? For $32 a month (Note: we pay $40 due to Susan being in a HIV zone), you can help save the life of a child. And you just might find that that child saves you too....

Get this widget!

ever feel like this?

2008-10-30T18:47:00.001-07:00

We do.

Tonight, we completed all of the final paperwork for our dossier. Let me just say that Ethiopia requires MANY more documents than Vietnam did. We have typed, printed, retyped, reprinted, taken pictures, organized, etc etc all evening. Not that I'm complaining; it's all worth it!

Tomorrow, I will call my friend Sherri, who has been gracious to notarize everything for us throughout this entire adoption journey (thanks Sherri!). Once all of that is finished, we are ready to send it on. Well, once Frankfort sends me the correct birth certificates, we will be ready. But that's another story altogether!!

Please continue to pray for this adoption. I have felt such peace and affirmation from God these past several days. I can't wait to be able to share more about that, but I don't have all the details just yet. Just suffice it to say that God is working mightily to bring Ellie to us.

I am overwhelmingly humbled and in awe that I would be chosen for this journey. Oh, how I look forward to seeing my little girl's face for the first time. For now, we are one step closer....

Proof that God hears me...

2008-10-13T16:42:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments when you are praying and you just sort of freak out? Does anyone here know what I mean? This morning was one of those times. I was praying, as I always do, for my family. As I got to my prayers for Ellie, I really just freaked out. I was telling God that I was nervous. What do I know about raising a little girl? What do I know about playing dolls and barbies? What do I know about dresses and frills? I've only had a boy all these years? How will I ever fix her hair? Especially black hair? What do I know about black hair? Seriously, I was getting really scared, people! So, I stopped praying, and I just listened. And I really felt that God was saying to me "Holly, calm down. It's going to be okay. I will give Ellie to you, and I will equip you to take care of her".

Work was busy, so I honestly didn't spend much time thinking about any of that. As I got home, though, there was a HUGE box on the front step from our adoption agency. I had no idea what it was; I wasn't expecting anything from them, certainly nothing that big! As I opened it, I saw that it was our education toolbox, filled with books and info on international adoption. On top was a stuffed monkey, and just below that was this....

yes... It's all Good Hair: the Guide to Styling and Grooming Black Children's Hair
Now someone try to tell me that God didn't hear my prayer!! How cool is that?

Destination Ellie: Update

2008-10-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

Good news! This week we received our amended 171H form (immigration approval). This was such a huge blessing. Honestly, this one piece of paper is one of the most expensive things in the adoption dossier process. We were concerned that we would have to pay for it all over again when the doors in Vietnam closed on us.

We should have known better.

God has worked out so many things for us, and it is truly amazing to see Him at work in bringing Ellie home to us. With the 171H form in hand, we are now hurrying to gather the rest of our documents for our Ethiopian dossier. We can get a "match" (referral) any time now, and we are eagerly searching our agency's website daily as new girls are added often. Our director is actually in Ethiopia at this time meeting the children. We are praying for our little girl to be found very soon.

Meanwhile, I have bought pink paint for Ellie's room! How fun is that? And I also got a great bedding set... pink, green, yellow, flowers, butterflies...can you say "girlie"? I am lovin' this!

Please continue to pray for Ellie. Pray specifically for her safety, that she has plenty to eat, shelter, and necessary medical care. Pray for her birth parents as they make this incredibly difficult decision to make an adoption plan for their precious little girl. Pray that we are patient in waiting for her to come to us.

I promise to keep you posted!

Guess who I met?

2008-09-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

I was at Woodland Park with Bryan and his friend. They were skateboarding, and I was reading on my blanket. It really was the perfect evening to lay out there and enjoy the gorgeous weather. I was perfectly content all by myself on my blanket when he walked up.

He smelled. Really bad.

He was a little drunk, I am quite sure.

He was strange, talking to himself at times, but friendly.

He was looking for conversation.

He told me his name as Dean Martin, then James Dean, then Charlie Brown. When he asked my name, I said "Farrah Fawcett", to which he responded "touche'".

We talked about the weather, where he was from (Michigan) and how he got to KY. He asked me to watch his "house" (backpack) while he went to "show those kids how to throw a frisbee the right way". He schooled them, for sure! He told me that his parents had died when he was a child, and his grandparents raised him. He ran away "as soon as possible so I didn't have to follow their rules". He had spoken to them a few weeks before, and they told him he could come home, but he said he didn't think he would. He said that his Grandma made him go to church if he lived with her, and I argued that maybe that was not a bad deal for three meals a day and a good warm bed to sleep in. He just shrugged his shoulders and laughed. Then he said "Life's tough, but faith gets ya through, you know?"

Yeah, I do know.

I asked him what or who he put his faith in, and he said "well, not Jesus, that's for sure", and he went on to ask if I was going to "get my preach on". I assured him I would not be preaching, but that he had mentioned faith, so I wondered what he had faith in. He asked me where I placed my faith, and I told him in Jesus Christ.

His response made me weep.

He said "I don't care for Jesus or Christians. You never get second chances from them. They judge you at every turn". He went on to tell me that he had been given more help from the "drunks, winos, prostitutes and homeless" than anyone who had ever professed to know Jesus. I apologized on behalf of all of us believers who have looked down on him because he was less fortunate. I told him I had done it too, and I was sorry. After all, the first thing I noticed was his smell, his sandals held together by duct tape, the smell of liquor on him, the dirty hands, face and feet. I hadn't looked at the person, but the outward appearance.

I was able to give him some money for a meal, since he had not eaten for several days (except for some peanut butter out of someone's trash). He asked me how I knew he wouldn't go get drunk with the money, and I told him I didn't; that was entirely up to him. But I was going to try to make him see that some who claim the name of Christ really do care, really do want to see the needs of the man he is, not just his circumstance.

I am not sure what God is doing with me these days.. leading me to homeless around me and giving me the chance to know them. But I am changed for the better because of it. Oh, that I never go back to being the person I was before I met Dean Martin/James Dean/Charlie Brown.

God is Alive and Well, Folks

2008-09-21T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days when God's power is just shoved in my face, down my throat and everywhere else. AND I LOVE IT.

For those of you who think that miracles are a thing of the past, just for the "bible times", you are wrong. Very wrong.

For those of you who think that God only speaks to a certain few, you are wrong. Very wrong.

For those of you who think that God doesn't have a perfect plan for everyone of us, you are wrong. Very wrong.

For those of you who think you are too far gone, too bad to ever be forgiven by God, you are wrong. Very wrong.

God is STILL in the business of miracles, of forgiveness, of healing, of speaking, and of bringing about His perfect plans. And this morning, in Bible study, I saw proof of it all over the room. God is moving. I can't wait to see what happens next!

How about you? Are you seeing Him move too? I promise He is...

Perspective is Everything

2008-09-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

This morning started just like every other day. I took a shower and washed my hair just like I always do. But then the hairdryer blew up and my hair was still really wet. Really wet. I put my makeup on, got dressed, drove to the store and bought a new hairdryer, then went to work to fix my hair. Gotta love starting the day like that.

The first client in the building was WILD. He ran all over the office, threw toys, stole food, hit his mom, etc etc. When I tried to redirect him, he spit on me. I almost puked. Spit is gross people.

I forgot my lunch at home, so I went out to get something. As I walked out the front door, the heavens opened up and it poured the rain. Lucky for me, I had a hairdryer at work.

When I got back to work, I slipped and fell in front of many clients as I came in the front door.

My son was frustrated that he had to do his chores, and he told me he didn't want to live here anymore.

I burnt my finger cooking dinner.

Jeff is late getting home because he got held up at work.

I came downstairs to pray because it's quiet down here. I was just telling God that I really had a bad day. And then it hit me...

These people are the ones having a bad day. These people and so many more are mourning the loss of a parent or child today. These people lost loved ones on September 11, 2001 because terrorists chose to kill the innocent.

My husband may be later than usual, but he is coming home. My son may have been angry, but he is still here (and he did the chores, then he apologized). My finger may be burnt, but I am alive, healthy and well. I was inconvenienced a little this morning, but big deal...I was safe all day long.

I have no idea what a bad day is like. It's all about perspective. May God's peace surround all of the families who lost loved ones in the 9/11 attacks today and every day.

Have you seen this woman?

2008-09-10T17:36:00.001-07:00

I will answer for you. No, you haven't seen this lady. The simple sad truth is that most of us have never even seen anyone like her. This is Lucy Burns. I know that the media is calling John McCain "the maverick", but let me tell you... Lucy Burns was a REAL maverick.

Lucy was one of the key people responsible for the eventual passage of the right for women to vote in this country. You see, it wasn't until 1920 that we ladies were given that freedom. Before that, women like Lucy fought hard and courageously to gain that right.

On November 15, 1917, Lucy (and numerous other women) were jailed after picketing at the White House, holding signs asking for the right to vote. They were innocent (freedom of speech was already in effect), and they were defenseless, yet they were imprisoned anyway. By the end of the night, they were also barely alive. Forty prison officials went on a rampage, beating Lucy and the approximately 30 other ladies for "obstructing sidewalk traffic".

Lucy was beaten then chained by her hands to the cell bars above her head, and left bleeding and gasping for breath. Additional affidavits describe ladies being beaten, choked, kicked, twisted and pinched. This night is historically referred to as "the Night of Terror", and it marked the beginning of weeks of torture for Lucy and the other women.

On November 4, 2008 some ladies will choose not to vote because we are too tired, too busy, too whatever. We will make excuses on why we will not vote because we don't like our choices in the election. We will complain that our one little vote won't make a difference anyway.

I say... tell that to Lucy Burns! She fought hard so that we have this right. How dare I not act upon this privilege?

Out of Africa...

2008-09-04T19:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight we completed our application for adoption. Again.

This time, we are going with Ethiopia. There are a lot of reasons for this choice. For one, it's known to be a very smooth process, and after the mess of Vietnam, we are ready for "smooth". But there are more important reasons than this. Here are a few to start with...

~ One in ten children die before their first birthday
~ One in six children die before their fifth birthday
~ 44% of the population of Ethiopia is under 15 years old
~ 60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition
~ The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years
~ 1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest in the world)
~ 720,000 children have been orphaned by AIDS alone, and there are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia

I really believed that we would find Ellie in Vietnam, and for a while I was ready to quit the whole process because that country fell through. But Jeff and I believe that God has called us to adopt. Period. And we love Ellie, wherever she is out there. So, we will look in Ethiopia. And I do believe that she is out there.

Please pray with us that God unites us with her. I trust that He has chosen the perfect little girl for our family, a girl whose personality and spirit matches our own. A girl who will know that we are her mommy, daddy and brother.

So... she will look a bit differently than we originally thought. But who cares? She will be ours, and well, that's enough for me!!

Books.. the good and not-so-good

2008-09-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest in my book reading..

Jim and Casper Go to Church: Frank Conversations about Faith, Churches, and Well-Meaning Christians by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper.

I read this book at the urging of Jeff, and I was not disappointed. Well, maybe I was a little disappointed, but certainly not in the book itself. Let me explain. This book is a candid look at how we Christians "do church" and what non-believers think about it. It is a journey to some of America's most well-known churches with Jim, a former pastor, and Casper, an atheist. Together, they take a good hard look at today's church services, worship styles, outreach, missions, and lots of other stuff. I say it's disappointing only because I found myself disappointed in myself and how I do church. I found myself sometimes angry that an atheist would dare say such mean things about church..what does he know anyway? Then, I found myself praying for forgiveness for those same thoughts because, after all, is church really for me? Aren't we supposed to be reaching those who don't know and haven't heard?

If you are a Christian, read this book. If you want to look at how those outside the walls of the church view you, read this book. If you just want sunshine and fluff blown in your face, don't even bother. This isn't the book for you.

I feel I have to tell you about this book because that was the plan here.. to let you know what I have been reading. However, let me say that this was one of the biggest disappointments in a book I have read in a LNG LONG time!

Riven, by Jerry B. Jenkins really intrigued me. I was excited to read this book. After all, the author himself called this "the book I've always wanted to write". Reviews about Riven raved that it was masterful, insightful, gripping. I will admit that initially I was drawn in by the characters, really feeling as if I knew them somehow. But as the story developed, I found myself thinking "Haven't I read this before?". I found the book repetitive. To put it bluntly, I was bored. Now, that is not to say that I didn't finish it. I will admit that there was a "twist" that I didn't quite expect, but I found it strange and completely unbelievable really, not like the rest of the book. However, I did want to see how it ended nonetheless.

If the book were 200 pages shorter, I might recommend it. But at well over 500 pages, I just can't. Sorry Jerry. If you have read this and feel differently, I would love to hear your point of view!

Fairy Tale Friday

2008-08-29T12:39:00.000-07:00

there was a girl named Holly. And the girl loved her family. And her family loved the girl.

The girl loved to serve her family. It was an honor really. However, the girl really did not like piles of laundry in the laundry room. Day after day after day, the laundry was there. stinky. smelly. dirty. laundry.

One day, the girl said that she was no longer going to do laundry. She was quitting the laundry business.

And so, the laundry sat. And the girl waited. And the laundry sat some more. And the girl waited some more. And still the laundry sat some more. (you get the picture, right?)

Then one day, the girl noticed that her son was wearing pants that did not fit just right. When she asked about it, he said that they were "the only thing he had clean". That same day, the girl noticed her husband looking for socks. She knew that there were socks in the basket of clothes waiting to be put away (for 9 days). And yet, she remained silent. He wore sandals.

That afternoon, after an entire week of watching the laundry sit there waiting for someone to wash it, the girl gave up. She knew that there was no one else that was going to do it. And so, she gave in and took the job of laundry girl once again. She couldn't stand to see it there one minute longer.

The girl wasn't mad. Not at all. She was a little frustrated, but not mad. And she decided that the next time it piled up without anyone offering to help with it again, she would simply take it outside and have a bonfire with it.

And the girl lived happily ever after.

The End

Sorry... this is a long one

2008-08-19T18:00:00.000-07:00

Our recent adoption news (see previous post if you don't know what I am talking about) has really taken its toll on me. I would be lying if I said that I didn't take the news hard. We all did really. And since I am being honest here, I will tell you that I am still struggling with it all. I hadn't realized how much I already love Ellie, even though I have never seen her or even know where she is in the world! Last week was especially hard on me, and I found myself withdrawing from people. I didn't talk on the phone as much (sorry mom), and I even backed out on a planned trip to Chattanooga to see friends (sorry again, guys!).

Jeff & Bryan already had plans to be at Kings Island on Saturday with the college students at church, so when I decided not to go to Chattanooga, that meant that I would be home alone. Now, let me tell you that sometimes that is dangerous for me when I am feeling down. I tend to get lonely, cry a lot and basically just feel sorry for myself. I really didn't want this day to be like that, so I decided to keep myself occupied. I had some movies to watch and a good book, so I was good to go.

I woke up earlier than I had planned (bummer), and I didn't want to watch all of my movies before noon, so I decided to go to Lexington and do some shopping. I drove across the ferry on the way there and back because it's beautiful and I have some great conversations with God on those country roads. I truly felt at peace on the way there. In fact, I felt "okay" with our adoption situation for the first time all week, knowing that God was still in control. But it also felt like there was something that He was trying to get me to understand that I was running from. To be honest, I didn't want to hear anything other than words from God that He was going to bring my little girl home to me. Nothing else. It was sort of an attitude of "God, you do what I want, and then I will listen to more. For now, this is all I want to hear".

I don't think God liked that attitude.

On the way home, I drove by a lady holding a sign that looked like this:

Something about her drew me in. I had to stop. I didn't have any cash on me to give to her, but there was a Lil' Ceasar's across the street, so I went over and got a "hot 'n ready" pizza and drove back to where she was standing. I was so nervous! I got out of the van and walked across the parking lot to her and asked if I could give her some food. She said yes, and so I asked if I could sit with her.

We spent the next hour sitting on a piece of cardboard in the parking lot of a Liquor Barn, eating pizza (i am assuming God will forgive that it wasn't on my diet since I was doing something He asked!) Her name is Lisa, and she is beautiful. I mean that. Beneath the dirt and the obvious initial distrust of my true intentions, was a lady who was stunning.

Lisa immediately asked if I was a "God person" there only to "preach" to her. Lisa has had enough of that, let me tell you. She shared with me about how she was in a church when her husband died, but the church seemed "happy to not have to deal with him anymore". It was someone in her church who called Social Services when she lost her temper and slapped her child. As Lisa said "They never stopped to ask why I was so stressed out. I was working 3 jobs and trying to keep food on the table. I hadn't slept in days when that happened, but it didn't matter". When Social Services came, she tested positive for drugs (she claims that she was taking pills to stay awake for her 3 jobs, and really, it didn't matter to me. Who am I to judge her?). They took her kids away. In a nutshell, Lisa feels like the church was quick to accuse her, but no one ever wanted to help redeem her. She actually used the word redeem. Instead, Lisa has been living on the streets for a little more than a year with no contact at all with her children. She said "I might not have hope, but at least I have pizza, right?".

I got back in the van after our lunch, drove back to the ferry, parked and cried. And I heard God whisper to me again "I needed you to hear me remind you that it's not all about you".

I'm sorry, God.

I have acted like it's all about me. I have been so focused on what I want that I have failed to see the needs of others. And Lisa reminded me that there are people out there with no hope at all. And more importantly, that I can share that hope by something as simple as a pizza.

Matthew 25:31-40 says: “But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.'Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

1 Peter 3:15 says "If someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it".
Are you living like you have Hope?