Why I Won't Be Seeing Magic Mike...My Personal Thoughts

This post won't be popular among some, I'm sure. I'm totally okay with that. After all, this is my blog. I've used it mostly to discuss adoption matters, clean water, family things, and my thoughts on this walk with God in life. But I would be completely remiss if I didn't post what is burning in my heart these past few days. I've watched the outpouring of ladies raving about their most recent girl's night out to see "Magic Mike", and really my heart can't take much more.


Before you dismiss me entirely, please hear me out. I don't live in the dark ages. I am certainly not perfect in any stretch of the imagination, so don't hear this as judgmental against anyone who chooses to see it. I'm writing this for one reason: To declare to my husband publicly (and to others who may be struggling with this) that I don't need a movie to make me excited about sex.
Come on, ya'll.... it's totally ok that I said "sex". I mean, after all, isn't that what this is all about? Why else are women of all ages flocking to see this movie? Seriously, these fellas are not going to win Oscars for their acting in this movie. This is about sex, lust, and all those other things that make lots of money at the box office. And I, for one, don't need a movie for that. I've got all the sex I want here at home with a man who is true, devoted, and faithful to me alone.
In all seriousness, what has bothered me the most is to hear ladies talking about how this is "the most excited" they've been in a while. Well, not me....

Jeff and I have been married almost 19 years (august 7th we will celebrate that anniversary!), and my stomach still has butterflies when he walks in the room. He still "makes my liver quiver", "turns me on", "gets me going", or however else you want to explain it. The fact of the matter is... He's the only one for me. And no one else is supposed to get the privilege of doing that for me. No one (or no thing, aka movie) is supposed to turn my head the way Jeff does. And it's my responsibility to make sure that happens. That means, I'm not supposed to be putting things in front of me that will cause me to look elsewhere (like movies or 'those' books that are so popular these days).

On August 7, 1993 I made a vow to Jeff- to love and to honor him for all the days of my life. And I intend to do just that. I took those vows seriously that day, and I still do all these years later. I believe that this is the most important vow I've taken in my life second to my commitment to follow after Jesus. This vow we made is the crux of what makes us such a strong family. You see, we didn't just make it to each other; we made that commitment to God Himself, and I take that VERY seriously. I believe that our children are better because we take that vow seriously. I believe that we are better because of it. I believe that God is honored because of it.

The Bible says that "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands" (Proverbs 14:1). Personally, I don't want to tear down my home. It is my belief that when I tear down my husband, I tear down my home. And putting lust for someone else above Jeff tears him down whether I want to admit it or not. Go ahead, and call me old fashioned or whatever you want; I don't mind. I've got a marriage I'm proud of, and I'll take that over favor with others any day of the week.

Let me just end with this. I'm not perfect. I've said that before, but it bears saying again. And part of the reason I'm able to say such great things about my marriage is because my husband just totally ROCKS. He is serious about his vows too, and therefore, I've never really been in want for his time, attention and devotion. It certainly makes this whole thing much easier, so kudos to him for being so easy to love. Now, who wants to babysit because I'm thinking it's time for a date?!?

Father's Day

I love Father's Day. I love any chance really to honor Jeff for the incredible dad that he is to our kids. He has taught me so much about how to be a Godly parent. His patience is unbelievable. He shows grace instead of anger. He is playful, yet demands respect. He loves whole-heartedly, fiercely even. He provides for us always, and does so with a thankful heart. Even though he keeps the thermostat in our house so high (Because he's "frugal" like that, y'all), he's definitely the best there is around!

Jeff, I love you. I love watching you with our kids. I love how you play tea party and barbie dolls with Ellie, then turn around and play Halo on X Box with Bryan. I love how you support our kids with your words and your presence. I love that you put God first, us second and your work third. I love that you love me so well, and you show our kids what a great marriage should look like. I love that Bryan has learned to open doors for me (okay, he's learning!), and Ellie is learning to look for a man like you one day (A LONG TIME from now). You bless me so much. You bless our family so much.

I can't let this opportunity to give some love to my dad go by either. My dad is wonderful, plain and simple. He's passionate for his family. He worked hard when I was growing up, but he always had time to play with us too. One of my favorite memories of my dad was Monday nights when we'd drive together to piano lessons. On the way, we'd crank up some music (usually Southern Gospel, but occassionally some Kenny Rogers The Gambler:)) and we'd sing our hearts out. I loved that time, one on one with my daddy!

Now, I get the joy of watching my dad with my own children, and what a blessing that is! I love how he teaches Bryan things like fishing and working. I love that he sings with Ellie and lets her play with her doctor kit with him. (Poor guy has had so many "surgeries" from Dr Ellie since she's been home that it's a wonder he's still around!) I love watching his face light up when they come in the room, and knowing that he finds joy just in being with them. I think the thing I love the most though, is listening to him tell stories to them. From Vietnam stories to his infamous "Big Toe" story, his stories cannot be beat! Our kids love them, and so do we! Dad, I love you so much. Thank you for leading our family the way you do. Thank you for pointing me to Christ in all things. Thank you for still calling me your little girl. You bless me so much. You believe in me, and I still look to you for wisdom. I love you, Daddy!

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention one other dad in my life. My father-in-love (Because "law" just doesn't cut it!) was an incredible man. I regret that I didn't have longer to get to know him, but his memory is etched in my mind forever. I'm so thankful for the few years I did have with him. Wayne was a great man, and he raised a great man (aka, my husband!). I loved Wayne's laugh most of all. He totally cracked me up when he would get tickled about something and just laugh. He had one of those full laughs that was infectious. I loved him so much! I also loved how he would make their dog Sheba sit in time out with him on the couch! hah!

But there was also a serious side to Wayne. He was a great encourager and a man of prayer. I remember so well after I had lost a baby to miscarriage, Wayne would call me to check on me and tell me that he loved me. He would tell me that he was praying for me, and then he would actually pray. Those prayers brought healing to my life, and I'm so grateful still for how he loved me during that time!  I miss him a lot, but I see glimpses of him in Jeff and even in Bryan from time to time. He left a legacy that is beautiful.

No doubt about it.. .my Heavenly Daddy has blessed me with some pretty amazing dads here on earth! thanks be to God!

on faith...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the idea of faith since we were in Ethiopia. Truth is that I always do when we go there (or anywhere overseas, for that matter). It seems that when I'm there in Ethiopia, I am forced to come to terms with the fact that my faith is puny at times. When I sit with ladies who don't know if they'll have food to give to their children, yet they praise the Lord continuously, I realize how shallow I really am.
When I hold the unbelievably bony hand of a child who doesn't have enough of anything, yet smiles bigger than the sun, I'm humbled by my lack of faith. When I watch those who are poor, in need, hungry, and thirsty cry out in praise to the Father above in a way that shows they KNOW He is listening, I am brought to my knees.

I've spent some time in the scripture reading about heroes of faith. I spent time reading about Abraham and Isaac (genesis 22, if you want to read it for yourself), and I'm simply amazed at this man's faith. I mean, here you have God telling Abraham "Go sacrifice the son you waited for all those years (like a hundred years people!)". And even more baffling is that Abraham simply "got up and went". There's so much meat here...the symbolism of the three days journey, Isaac carrying his own wood (so much like the three days that Jesus was dead prior to God's rescue and that He too carried His own cross/wood), but what gets me is the pure, unadulterated faith that Abraham possessed. He didn't argue. He didn't whine. He didn't ask someone else what they thought he should do. He just went. He trusted the goodness of God to either rescue him or comfort him. He LIVED faith, not just said he had faith.

Tigist kisses Ellie's picture

Last week, I spent a day with Ellie's birth mom, Tigist. This woman is phenomenal. Her spirit is unbroken, despite a life that has brought harships I can't even fathom. But what got me the most was when she said to me that "when I knew that you and Jeff were coming for Kedest (ellie), I knew she would be fine. And if she would be fine, then so would her sister, so I could trust placing her for adoption too". That is faith, folks. No, she didn't have faith in God (I'm praying that she will though!), but she had unresolved faith that her plan to save her children would work. And it has. Not only are her children safe and healthy, but they are flourishing. 

Abraham and Tigist both dared to step out on faith and do the unthinkable. And every single day, I'm invited to do the same. No, God isn't asking me to sacrifice my kids. But He is asking me to put them AFTER Him. Will I? He isn't asking me to make an adoption plan as a choice for my family, but He is calling me to speak up for the orphan and take care of them. He isn't asking me to move to a foreign land, but He is asking me to take clean water to the people of Ethiopia (to begin with). I'm not living in fear or oppression, but He has asked me to write the story of one who is/has.  I have a choice on whether I give in to doubt and fear or whether I take a step and reach for the hand of the One who is all I ever need to trust in.

How 'bout you? What will faith look like for you?

Thoughts on Ethiopia

Our trip to Ethiopia flew by. I knew it would; it always does. It seems like we just get there, and I start to get a few phrases down, then it's time to come home. Don't get me wrong; I was ready to be with my kids. I missed them so much! But I left a piece of myself there, for sure. A huge piece of my heart is in Ethiopia forever. I love that country and the people there so much!

My mind is still processing all that we saw and heard and experienced. I'm pressing into God and His word to hear exactly what it is He wants me to bring away from our time in Ethiopia. I know this is just the beginning. I don't know what it will look like, but I'm okay with that. I'm learning that I don't have to know everything.

We traveled as a part of One Child Campaign, a group that we believe in wholeheartedly and are honored to be a part of. This trip primarily focused on clean water which is my heart. If you've read anything from me in the blog world or Facebook, you know that we also were able to have a videographer to capture the images, sights and sounds of those projects for use by Edge Outreach in the future. Jeff and I also had a chance to share our story of why we are so passionate about clean water. I knew it would be emotional, but I wasn't prepared for how some of this would take me off guard. Jon Morton, the videographer (amazing stuff!) interviewed Jeff and I together and separately. During my time, he asked me the question "what is it like as a mother to be able to give this gift of clean water to other mothers?" Truth be told, I expected the question. I actually had an answer in my mind that was rather eloquent, if I do say so myself.  But standing there in Ethiopia, having held the hands of my friends there who are mothers, touching the faces of those precious children who are sick with parasites, I found myself at a loss for words initially. But oh, when I started talking, the floodgates opened within my heart.  I knew why God had asked me to go. He's given me a Holy passion for this work. It all just clicked together within me.

When Bryan was a baby, it never occured to me that I might have to worry about being able to provide everything needed to raise him safely. I didn't know what it was like to worry about his environment. I knew that the things he needed to grow healthy and safely were right here within our grasp. But during the adoption process with Ellie, my eyes were opened to the fact that this is not the case for many mothers around the world. I disctinctly recall the day that her picture came across our computer screen, and it showed just how sick she was. We've used the picture to show the effects of bad water on a child's health a lot recently, but when I first saw the image, I just broke down. I had a different reality now; I was the mother who wasn't sure that her child would survive. I remember praying that God would let her be safe until she could get home nad have access to medication and clean water and plenty of food. I remember feeling so helpless because she was in Ethiopia and I was thousands of miles away.  I now see that the mothers I love so much in Ethiopia have this feeling every day. They want their children to be healthy. They are heartbroken in knowing that they don't have what is needed to give them health. They feel helpless because they can't give their babies what is needed.

This is not acceptable. Every mother deserves to know that she has access to what is needed to raise her children up in health and safety. Every mother.

My friend, B- so much like me! I'm so proud to call her friend.

As we installed the systems in Ethiopia last week, that thought resonated within me. As I listened to Muluu speak of how she and her children no longer have stomach aches when they drink the water that is from the system we installed last July, I knew that I was doing exactly what God is calling me to do; to bring hope in the form of clean water to others that are really just like me.

This work is far from done. We need more help, more money, more volunteers, more passionate people to get involved. Jeff and I are committed for the long haul. Will you join us? I'll be posting more in the coming days about the specific sites where we put water purification this trip. For $2000, we can completely set up a system in Ethiopia. This includes the purifier, all supplies needed (pvc, plumbing parts, platform, tanks, battery, charger,etc), and set up of the system. Can you give towards the next install? Perhaps your small group, office, bunco group, poker friends, baseball team, bowling league, Sunday school class, Zumba group, etc could sponsor a system. Perhaps you can go with us and catch the vision firsthand. There's something that we all can do to help. I simply cannot wait to see what lies ahead.

sweet Tigist has clean water to drink now!

heartbreak

Sometimes there just aren't the right words to say. You know that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know you should say something uplifting or encouraging, but all that will come out are sobs? Today was that day for me.

Today I sat in a service that celebrated the life of the sweet 2 1/2 year old daughter of my friends. To say that it was heart-wreching just doesn't do it justice. I saw my friend greeting friends and family, and I was amazed at her quiet strength. I saw her loving on her four other children, and I was overwhelmed by her courage and grace. I watched her sit with her husband and smile while a video played out their daughter's  life in pictures, and I was completely held captive by the peace that enveloped them.

This is how it's supposed to be, I'm sure. My friends showed me today how to grieve with the Hope of Jesus. They were living proof that God is real, and He is great and mighty. I was honored to witness this today, exemplified in the hardest of times.

I cried for the life of their daughter, taken so soon on earth. But I celebrated her complete healing, knowing that she is dancing with her Savior today, fully whole and at home.

I'm reminded again of why scripture says it's better for us to attend a funeral than a party. It makes us think, doesn't it? It makes us take a minute and realize what's really important in life. It makes us take a close look at our own life and ask the hard questions like "Is this what I want people to remember of me?" I've done that today. I've also held my children a little closer, told them how glad I am that they are mine and they are here. I've looked in my husband's eyes and rejoiced over this life we have together.

I'm comforted by knowing that the Lord is holding my friend and her family tonight, comforting them with His singing and His love. Praise be to God.

 The LORD your God is with you,
   he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
   he will quiet you with his love,
   he will rejoice over you with singing

Zephaniah 3:17

exciting stuff... and how you can help!

Hey folks! What an exciting week it's been here! We are just 6 weeks away from our next trip to Ethiopia, and we are so excited about what is happening.

This week we were able to meet with the folks at Edge Outreach in Louisville KY to be retrained on the water purification stuff. They have an incredible new system that is smaller, simpler, more cost efficient (aka, cheaper!). We were so excited that Caleb David from One Child Campaign could join us to learn all about Edge and so that we could talk about how this partnership could grow and impact more people in Ethiopia.

I love visionary people. There's such excitement in sitting with a group of people who are ready to act, not just talk. And that's what we met on Monday in Louisville. WOW! Here's the skinny on what's happening:

We have an incredible opportunity to take with us a professional videographer to Ethiopia who will get raw footage of us installing water purification systems, interviews with the Ethiopians on how this is affecting them, etc etc. This footage will then be used by Edge Outreach to increase awareness for the need for clean water in Ethiopia. This is a win/win, y'all!!

I'm not in the professional videography field, but I know it's not cheap. However, this guy has agreed to come for peanuts and the cost of his travel! Seriously, for about $3000, we can do this and make an incredible impact on getting clean water to Ethiopia.

So...it boils down to this. We need 300 people to give $10. Come on, that's 2 drinks at Starbucks for the gift of clean water. I'm counting on my adoption community friends here because I know y'all "get" this. I've seen what can happen when this group of people get behind something. This is huge people.

WE CAN MAKE A CHANGE FOR GOOD IN ETHIOPIA!

We are beginning to plan for a time to bring Ethiopian adoptive families together to educate, plan and celebrate what is happening. Look for that in the coming months.

This is our passion. Seeing the difference in Ellie's life before and after clean water changed us.(pics below are before clean water and then 18 months home. Stunning difference!!) We know too much to just stand back and do nothing. Please join us.

You can give at http://onechildcampaign.showitsite.com/ Please note: Ethiopia water. You can give there by check or credit card. Everything we raise above what we need for the videographer will go directly to the water projects themselves, so the more we raise, the better.

Thank you for partnering with us again. We can't wait to show you what your giving has done.

Confessions of a Working Mom...

This morning, as I was walking out the door for work, my sweet daughter looked into my eyes and said, "I really really really wish you were coming to my picnic today at school". She didn't say it to make me feel guilty; she said it because she really really really wishes I could be there. She wants my presence.

Wednesdays are my day off. Yesterday, while home I spent my time "catching up" on grading all of Bryan's home school work. We had breakfast together and talked, and he said, "I like when you're here". I'm pretty sure he likes it because I cook for him, but I appreciated the words nonetheless.

These days I'm torn. I'm torn between kids that I love dearly and want to spend all the time with I can while they're still in our home and a job that I take pride in. Actually, it's more than that. This job really doesn't feel like a job to me most days (except on the days when it's only 8:30AM and I've already been cussed twice!). It feels like I'm doing something worthwhile most of the time, like I'm making a difference in the lives of others. And I tell myself that it's okay if I miss out on a few things for my kids because I'm needed here too.

But lately, I find myself questioning, "Am I just fooling myself? Am I making excuses so that I can continue to work and have this paycheck? Is it worth this paycheck?" We have our house on the market, and we've discussed my quitting and staying home when it sells, but then the thought of Bryan going to college in just a year and a half makes me question if quitting a good job right now is all that great of an idea.

What I know is this. I'm tired. I work part-time in the office and full time at home, and I'm tired. I feel spent. Between work, being a mom, driving lessons for Bryan, gymnastics for Ellie, teaching on Thursday nights, mentoring, church, cooking dinner, grading homeschool, etc etc, I've lost a bit of me in there it seems. I find myself feeling more and more like I'm doing a lot of things halfway and nothing really well. And if you know me, you know that I don't like doing anything halfway.

I don't know the answer here. I've prayed.. a lot. I haven't heard anything. Maybe it's because I'm not listening well. Maybe it's because He hasn't answered yet. Either way, I'm still here, still spent.

But I know this. My God is enough. My God is faithful. My God is a better parent than I am. And He loves me just as I am. Even in my not-so-proud mom moments of missing out on the things I really want to be at. Did I mention I am missing Ellie's preschool graduation because it's when our Ethiopia trip is scheduled??? Even when I completely lose it and yell or pout. Even when I just get grumpy and want to cry. Even when I give my kids cereal for dinner because the thought of cooking another meal right then makes me want to explode.

He is enough. Thanks be to God.