Monday, September 8, 2014

A confession and a FREE giveaway!

Today, I was yelled at over the phone by a client's parent. I wasn't surprised; it certainly wasn't the first time I've been yelled at in my work. In fact, last year I kept what I jokingly referred to as the "B**** Count 2013", and let me tell you that it got up to 95 for the year (one star for every time a client called me a "B")!

When we were in Florida last month, Jeff took me on my VERY FAVORITE dolphin cruise (The Little Toot!) for our anniversary. Seriously people, this is the best dolphin cruise ever, and I've been known to get more than a little giddy when those dolphins jump right out of the water. But last month... no dolphins. Two hours on the water, and not one stinkin' dolphin. Nada. Zilch. I may or may not have pouted a little.

There's a wasp nest roughly the size of Minnesota outside my bathroom window.

My daughter can't seem to grasp the concept of no food in her room, so I found 14 Goldfish under her bed when we were cleaning/redoing her bedroom last weekend. Thankfully, it wasn't sausage like I found in her room last time. Yes, sausage. By the time I found it, it was black and soupy. We need not go there again.

My son's room looks like a tsunami went through, and it smells like the Green Bay Packers rolled around in there after a full day of practice.

I haven't been to Ethiopia in 16 months now. I Miss it. I miss my friends there.

I don't like the way one thing in my closet fits me. Not one. It's because I'm fat, and I'm working on it. But still. not one item.

Our grass got so high last week that I could have mowed the face of Abraham Lincoln as a maze and charged admission for the kids in Richmond to wonder through. I didn't.

Our basement is in shambles because the dang A/C unit leaked water (for the THIRD FREAKIN' TIME) and ruined the floor again. We've been so busy with new semester stuff and life that we haven't even gone to the store to see if the flooring is still in stock or we have to replace the whole kit and kaboodle. For now, a large portion is ripped out and it's an absolute mess.

My left ankle is currently the size of a baby's head. I'm considering drawing a face on it.

I could go on and on with things in my life that I deem "unfair" or "bad". But that would be stupid and fruitless. And 100% selfish.

You see, while I lament about not seeing dolphins and a basement floor that turned to oatmeal, people are suffering without a clean drink of water. While I mope because I haven't gotten to fly to Ethiopia, people are contracting Ebola and dying. While I fret because I got called a name that I don't like at work, people are jobless and homeless. While I am frustrated at the dirty and stinky rooms my kids have, there are those who have lost their children.

I've spent a great deal of time lately praying that God would give me new eyes. I've asked him to bring to mind the things that I used to freak out about and whine about, and then to change how I see them now. And he has done just that.

In the grand scheme of things, who cares if someone calls me names? Does it hurt? Yep, it stings a little because quite frankly, I'm not racist or a b****. But I don't know the situation that person who called me those names is in, and I've asked that God give me a love for her (and all the others!). I am tired of being side-tracked by something as trivial as a name-calling that I forget to love people in my path.

The truth is that I'm not the things she called me, but I AM SELFISH. And chances are that you are too. We all are at times, aren't we? Isn't it easy to get so wrapped up in our every day that we fail to see that people in our communities are dying and suffering and alone? Isn't it easy to forget that some of the day to day "problems" that bind us are really just minor incoveniences when compared to the plight of the homeless and those living in dire poverty all over the world? Isn't it easy to be so focused on #1 that we fail to see true need, true suffering?

I'm not trying to say we never have reason to grieve or that we don't have real problems. Believe me; I have plenty of friends suffering with real life, real hard stuff right now.. cancer, disease, divorce, addiction, abuse, abandonment. I've dealth with real stuff myself...death, infertility, rape, depression, a wandering child, etc, etc.

The difference is that I have hope, the everlasting hope.

I'm reading Jen Hatmaker's "Interrupted", and I have to tell you that once again I'm deeply convicted that the way I live out my faith is often a disservice to God. Hear me out. I read my bible, and I pray, and I know God is pleased with those things because it brings me closer to him. But I also drive by people in need, ignore the plight of those in need in my own community because it's not convenient for me, and make excuses about why I can't go serve overseas right now because I don't have enough time or money or whatever. And sometimes, those things are true. And sometimes, it's nothing but a pack of crap that I tell myself to make me feel better about disobeying God's call on my life to make him famous, to be extravagant for him.

Years ago, after my first trip to Africa (Uganda), I found myself in tears every time I walked into the grocery store because I could envision all of those sweet faces that I'd touched who were going without that day. I've often said that after trips to Ethiopia, I come back in a bit of culture shock at how spoiled we Americans really are in regard to clean water and other basic necessities of life (Not to mention our wants!)And yet, here I am, in some ways back to the mentality I had before my eyes were ever opened, complaining and throwing a tantrum about stupid, unimportant things.

So, this is my confession to you all. I have confessed to God and he has (Once again) faithfully forgiven. But I tell you all to hold me accountable in my attitude. Because my life HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED... and interrupted for good. I don't want to be the same person I was before. I don't want to pretend I don't know the plight of others. I have no idea why God would choose to place me here in my easy world instead of in another country, fighting for justice and enough food to sustain me for the day. But I do know that I can do something extraordinary with this life he has given me.

I can love

And you can too.

Are you in?

I've got a copy of Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker that I'd love to give away. Comment here and I'll randomly choose a winner on Friday!


Jim Walters said...

Ok...I read this after becoming very frustrated at a railroad crossing that wasted 4 minutes of my life...but I am not selfish! Brothers and Sisters in Christ are being starved, beaten, raped repeatedly, beheaded, buried alive...I was delayed at a railroad crossing. REALLY. Thank you Holly for humbling my selfish self!

Thomas Holbrook said...

Talk about "getting ALL up in my business!" Well said, Holly

Aimee Kidd said...

You are definitely not a "B!" But your confessions have opened MY eyes! Love you, Holly!

Xamayta Graver said...

Well, if we are going to go all honest on cyber space...I am afraid of picking up that book! There is a yearning that has been in the back burner since I was a child...I know it will awaken it and well, since I don't know when, where or how, I just choose to forget. That said...thanks for this post and your honesty.

MrTonylosson said...

Holly you bless me with your posts. Seems like every time I am struggling with something you post with something that hits me where I need it. Must be something mighty at work there. Thanks for your posts.

Jo Ann said...

Thank you Holly for bringing your momma to her HUMBLE knees! I'm proud of you and I love you!

Lisa said...

Holly, I appreciate your honesty and just being real. Always makes me reflect upon my own heart when I read your posts. Love how God is continually using you to point others to Him. How awesome that He can take the ugliness in our hearts and bring His light to shine brightly on it, melting it away in forgiveness. Love you!