Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I find myself feeling a bit out of sorts lately. I am getting antsy for Ellie to be home. We've waited a long time. I am tired of waiting. I trust God's timing, don't get me wrong. I just want her here with us.

Thanksgiving Day was hard for me. I filled my plate and sat down, only to find that my appetite was not there anymore. All I could think of was "Does Ellie have enough to eat today?" I couldn't get that thought out of my mind, and I found that my thoughts of Ellie being so far away really took hold of me. I enjoyed time with our family, no doubt, but it felt awkward.

It felt incomplete.

It was incomplete.

I know that God is taking care of her, but I want that privilege for myself. No, it's not that I think I can do a better job. And I don't want to cheat Ellie's birth mother out of any time with her little girl. But my heart longs for her to be with me at the same time.

I have prayed all year that we would know who Ellie is by Christmas. Maybe that will still happen, but I find myself more and more telling myself to not get my hopes up. I don't want to be disappointed. And I don't want these thoughts to keep me from enjoying every minute of this season with Jeff and Bryan.

Please keep us in your prayers as we wait. Waiting stinks.


Jeff Prosser said...

I'm finding myself doing that too!

Jo Ann said...

We are praying for Ellie everyday and we want her home too. I know God's timing is the right timing; and He knows we are human and He understands us and knows our every thought. That's another sign that this is right for you all because it's just like waiting for a biological child to be born. We are so glad that we can see your love for Ellie just as we saw your love for Bryan before he was with us. Everyday, you are one step closer. We love you all, Mom/Dad

Lisa said...

We are praying for you guys!!!