Heartbreak and the Truth...

A few nights ago, Ellie & I made a quick stop in the grocery store for some milk (she has decided that she now really REALLY loves chocolate milk). It was getting late, and we were in a hurry, and thankfully there were no lines in the store. We were having a great girls' night out actually.

As we headed up toward the check-out, we passed a man and his two daughters, one of whom looked to be close in age to Ellie. That little cutie stared at Ellie as if she were from outer space. She then announced to her dad "Hey look daddy, it's a monkey!". I have to admit it took me off guard, but my first thought was "this is a great teaching moment for that dad. I hope he steps up to the plate".

He didn't.

He didn't even come close.

That man looked his daughter in the face, then looked me in the face, then back to his daughter. And then he proceeded to tell that sweet liitle girl that Ellie was not a monkey, but something more vicious than I could ever imagine another human saying. He called her horrible things. He actually said several horrible things to me about Ellie (and about me, too). I was in utter shock, but only for a second. In an instant, my claws came out. I was ready to pounce. I was ready to kill this man!

But my eyes could only go to his sweet little girl, standing there taking it all in. To be honest, Ellie was oblivious to it all. This child with her daddy was watching and hearing the venom pour from his lips. Her eyes were as large as half dollars as she watched him nearly convulse with repulsion at my child. I wonder what was going through her mind. I wonder if she was wondering when it was going to stop this time. I wonder if she was already dreading the lecture she would surely get in the car on the way home about how she is never to talk to those kind of people again.

My heart aches for that little girl that I cannot get out of my head. My heart aches that she is going to miss out on so many wonderful relationships in this world because of the color of their skin. My heart aches most because she is missing out on a relationship with her own father because of his hatred for others. He was so consumed with hatred for my daughter's face that he failed to see the hurt on his daughter's face. I can't stop thinking of that.

Scripture tells us this: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:13-16

The truth is that both Ellie and that little girl are fearfully and wonderfully made. God was intricately involved in every detail of them both. And you know, that little girl's dad, who was so vulgar and inhumane towards us, was also knit together in his mother's womb by the God of the universe. As hurtful for me as it was to hear him say those awful things, how much more must it break the heart of God to hear one that He loves so specifically and so perfectly act that way toward another of his creations. I'm broken over the thought of that tonight!

Ellie will grow knowing that she is loved and adored, both here on earth and by her Heavenly Father as well. She will never have to long to be noticed, never have to wonder if she messed up too much to be loved still. But that other little girl... I fear that she will worry over these things all of her life. Oh God, please protect her from the evil around her today. Protect her heart, Lord. Keep her thoughts pure, despite insurmountable obstacles to that. send someone in her life that will teach her the TRUTH, about her and those around her.

Here's the latest video of what Ellie has been learning.. check it out!

And Sue, there's a special message for you at the end! She loves you so much!

Family

Ellie has been home with us for 8 weeks now. The difference is astounding really. She's gone from a timid, quiet shy little girl, afraid to even let us hear her voice at times to a boisterous, happy, singing ball of giggles and smiles. I'm in awe of how God brought her to us. Sometimes I just sit and watch her in amazement, and thank God for the gift of her in our lives.

I went back to work last week. I didn't really want to go, if I'm being completely honest. But... that's life, and I believe that there is a reason for my being in that place as well. Jeff is now on Family Leave for 8 weeks, and he is loving it! I'm so thankful that he has this opportunity to be with her. I'm grateful that she will grow to see her Daddy even more fully, and know that in him she has a wonderful example of her Heavenly Father.

I have to say that my favorite part of the day is 1:30pm, when I get off of work. I drive to pick Bryan up at school and then we head home together. I love that drive home with him (when he takes his headphones out!). And when we get home, I love hearing Ellie yell "mommy" and run to me for a hug and kiss! Awwwww.. you can't beat that people.

I'm learning more and more that it's the simple things in life that make it worthwhile. I'm learning more and more that God gives us countless blessings each and every day that we often overlook (like when your 13 year old turns his music off to talk, your two year old tells you that you are beautiful, and your husband cooks dinner for you and says that he'll clean up too just because he loves you and wants to serve you!!). I guess after having seen the depravity and poverty in Ethiopia where Ellie's life began, I'm more determined than ever to not let the little things slip by without notice. For that matter, I don't want to let the big things pass me by either. God has given me too much to ever take for granted a single moment here on earth.

Scripture tells us that "God sets the lonely in families..." (psalm 68:6). We are seeing that lived out in our home. There is no doubt that God set Ellie right here with us, and we are so thankful for His plan. So many people have said to us that we are a blessing to her. I would argue (again) that she is the blessing to us! I learn more every day about God's greatness in watching her story unfold.

So, go hug your kids, kiss your spouse, and write that long-overdue letter. But before you do that, get on your knees and thank the Lord for His mercy and Grace upon you, and for the gifts He gives freely every day.

Daddies and Daughters...

One thing I love most about Jeff is how involved he is with our kids. He has never been a dad that sits on the sidelines.. no way! It's one of the things I admire most about him...Both Ellie and Bryan will always know that their Daddy loved them so much that he was always learning new things about them and for them. Here's just one example of that... ENJOY~

what happened???

September 11th is the day that Ethiopia celebrates New Year's Day. As of today, the people of Ethiopia entered the year 2002!

YES, I SAID THAT RIGHT. IT IS 2002 IN ETHIOPIA NOW!

hmmmm......

No wonder no one knows what date Ellie was born! We aren't even in the same year as they are!

Go celebrate in honor of Ethiopia!

Ethiopia: Day 1 continued

MEETING ELLIE

After our trip to Woliso, we were finally back at the Transition House to meet Ellie. This was the moment we had been waiting for all this time. I was a nut!! I was nervous and excited all at once, not sure of how she would respond to us. It was all surreal, to be honest.

We entered the Transition House, where Ellie had been living since early June. We were greeted by several children, excited to see us come in. I kept looking for that sweet little face I've memorized in pictures for the past 8 months. But I couldn't find her.

We walked through different rooms, and then we entered this tiny little dining room with little tiny tables. The staff were serving lunch, and a few kids were already seated and ready to eat. Ellie was sitting there, smaller than I ever had imagined and more beautiful that I could have ever dreamed.

Sue spoke to her to tell her that her Mommy and Daddy were here. She was shy, but she looked up to see us briefly. Then, her attention was back on her lunch (After seeing her eat for the past 2 weeks, I understand that!). We knelt down to talk to her, but she was so shy. It was obvious that she wasn't going to eat with us staring at her either, so we took a tour of the rest of the house to let her finish her lunch.

I'm glad that Jeff was videoing the house because honestly I can't remember any of it. I just wanted to hold my little girl! I couldn't wait to get back downstairs! We went from room to room, meeting other babies that will soon be going home. We also met some workers, but mostly, we were killing time to get to our Ellie.

Once we were back downstairs, we walked back into the dining room, only to find that Ellie wasn't there! One of the nannies pointed outside, and we found her out the door on her potty chair. We waited again while she finished, then washed her hands with the staff. Once she had washed, she came right to me, and I picked her up. She threw those tiny little arms around my neck, and it was all over. I didn't sob; I didn't want to scare her. But so much emotion was welling up in me! It's hard to explain here, and to be honest, I don't want to explain it to everyone. It's too personal. I'll share it all with Ellie one day, but I will tell you that I was just overwhelmed with gratitude to God for allowing me to be a part of this journey to bring her home!

We went inside where the other children were playing. You see, Ellie has never known doing anything without other kids around. She was much more comfortable with her friends around. We had a gift for her, so we gave that to her and read a book together, just trying to give her a chance to get used to us a little.

I have to say that one of my favorite moments of all was seeing Jeff holding Ellie for the first time. I know how much I love my dad, and I have prayed that she will be a daddy's girl through and through! I think she will be, based on what I saw that first day! It didn't take long til Ellie was smiling for all of our pics together and showing her friends her new toys! I love that she shares everything. She has no concept of owning anything, so it was not a big deal to her to let others play with the things we had brought to her. I hope that remains in her as it is so different from what alot of kids are like today.

We weren't there long, really. Just long enough to meet, take some pics with the nannies and other kids, then leave to go back to the Guest House. We did get to thank Tesfanesh, her nanny at the Transition House, for caring so well for Ellie! This woman deserves a medal for her work. I'm so grateful to God for women like her in Ellie's life thus far! It was a whirlwind visit really. Ellie fell asleep in Bryan's arms on the way to our Guest House. How amazing it was to see him with her! What a terrific big brother he is to her!! I'm so proud of him.. this is a real adjustment for him too!!

a little shy at first

Bryan's first time holding Ellie

safe in Daddy's arms

first of many books with Mommy

there's a smile...

Daddys' little girl

ahhhhh....

Tesfanesh...Ellie's nanny!

some of the Transition House staff

The Many Faces of Ellie Kedest Prosser...

happiness

uncertainty

skepticism

fear

innocence

shyness

joy

contentment

peace

anticipation for her mommy, daddy and brother!

Proud Momma UPDATE

Today, our son Bryan played in his debut rock concert. "Wow" is really all I know to say. I knew he was good, but he truly blew me away today! It was so fun to watch him play so effortlessly and have so much fun doing it! I'll post some pics as soon as I can, but I had to tell you about it while it was fresh on my mind. Go here to hear the band play!! They ROCK!

This weekend was a wonderful time in our home. Saturday morning started with a "Welcome Home Ellie" shower put on by my dear friends Tina, Sue Ellen, Cassie and Jane. Wow.. I had a blast opening up all of those sweet little girl things! I then bagged them back up and brought them home for Jeff to open all over again! My mom, mother-in-law and niece Kristin were all able to be there as well, so it was extra special for me! Ellie is certainly one very LOVED little girl!

Last night was a special treat. Here at the house, we had a spontaneous little poker game with Jeff, Dad, Joann (jeff's mom), our friend William, and myself (later). What a hoot! We had so much fun together. Deniece and William's mom, Veronica, and their two boys were also here, so we had a house full just like we like it! What a blessing to have friends and family here together. The Bell family (william, deniece, malyk, and malcolm) have become dear friends to us, and we just aren't sure how to feel about not spending next weekend with them too :) Seriously, you guys are a real blessing in our lives, and we count it an honor to call you friends and brothers/sisters in Christ! We look forward to many more dinners, poker games, hair styling parties, and of course.. cheesecakes!!

Here are pics from the shower... WHAT A BLAST!!

Being goofy with the "It's a Girl" balloons!

FBC gals who threw the shower (minus Cassie!)
Thanks so much, ya'll!!

cookies that match Ellie's room... how "sweet" (get it?)

Jeff now knows the difference between a skirt and a skort! do you??

My beautiful friend Michelle.. LOVE HER!

nice...

My sweet niece Kristin, mom (Nana), me, and Joann (Grammy)
Ellie is gonna love these ladies!!

So, it's obviously been a while since I posted here. I haven't had much to say, to be honest. I am frustrated. I hope that I can convey what I am feeling without completely confusing anyone or freaking people out. To be completely honest, I am writing more to help me sort things out than anything, so be patient with me.

We've heard nothing on Ellie.

Nothing.

Nada.

Zilch.

Two weeks ago, we were told that the documents needed to be submitted for court were finally in. Last week, we were supposed to actually be submitted. Yet here we are, almost at the end of May, and still no court date.

Some days, I start to worry. I start asking "Am I really meant to be a mom again?" "Did God ever intend for us to have a little girl?". You know the questions that creep in when you are trying your best to hold it together. I know it's Satan, so don't go worrying that I am having doubts about Ellie. Quite the contrary.

I am so tired of hearing people say that Ellie will be here "in God's timing". Maybe I am wrong here; I'm no scholar after all. But I don't think that everything happens just like He wants it to. After all, if it did, wouldn't Adam and Eve still have been in the Garden? I can think of other instances too, but that came to mind first. Quite frankly, I don't believe that God wants Ellie to be in that orphanage for one more minute, much less one more day, month, year.....I believe that He wants her here, at home, with her family. But it's not happening right now, and I can't make myself believe that it's God that is waiting.

I understand how the process works. I don't hold grudges at all against the government procedures; I get them. But that doesn't keep my heart from hurting because I want her here, and she is still there.

I trust that God led us to Ellie. No doubt about it. I knew the moment that I first saw her picture that she was ours. I just knew. Can't really explain it any other way. Some things are just known within you. And I know that one day she'll be here. I'll even go so far to say that when she is here, all of what I am feeling today will melt away and not matter at all.

But today, I hurt. I miss her. I want her room to be filled with her, not just books, clothing and pretty things. I want my little girl. I can hear Bryan upstairs right now. I want to hear her too.

Pray for us please. This is harder than I ever anticipated. I appreciate how you have covered us in prayer.

Maybe soon we will hear something good....

I Believe

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:6-7)

I read those words this afternoon. It was perfect timing, no doubt. God knew what I needed to hear. You see, I've been anxious, worried and frustrated. I've been feeling like MY timing is best. I've been wrestling with God about this adoption: what is the hold up, why haven't we gotten our court date? I've been doing too much whining and not enough praying.

Scripture says that I should humble myself before God, and He will lift me IN DUE TIME. It then immediately tells me that He cares for me. Coincidence? I think not. I believe that God understands how hard it is to wait on His timing. So, He immediately follows up those instructions with encouragement that He loves and cares for us.

As we wait for a court date for Ellie, I find myself bouncing back and forth between absolute excitement and doubt. I find myself saying things like "She's never coming home" or "Maybe we were wrong about this". But I know that isn't true. That is Satan trying to get me to give up hope. And well, that is never going to happen!

Did you hear that Satan (because I know you are listening here!)??
I WILL NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!

I believe that God created a precious little girl in a small village in Ethiopia around 2 1/2 years ago. I believe that He knew the extreme poverty that her mother would live in. I believe that He made a plan for her life from the very beginning, a plan that would prosper her and not bring her harm. I believe that He heard the cry of my heart, desiring to be a mother again. And I believe that in His infinite wisdom, God ordained that she would be that child. I believe that God knew from her first breath, that her mother would bring her into the world, but this mother would nurture her future. I believe that God ordained that her mother would step forward with courage and grace to make a plan that would allow her baby to have a life with more opportunity. I believe that He orchestrated every step of this process for us to wind up where she was waiting so that we could become a family.

I believe that one day, she will run through this house, calling me "Mommy" and calling Jeff "Daddy". I believe that she will adore Bryan, her big brother. I believe that she will have sleepovers with Nana, Papa, and Grammy. I believe that she will go to Gatlinburg with her Uncle Chris, Aunt Shelly and Kristin, and love it as much as they do. I believe that she will sing the silly "Sunday School Nightclub" songs with Aunt Lisa, Uncle Jim, Aaron and Breanna. I believe that she will walk through the doors of First Baptist Church into her family that has prayed for her for so long. I believe there will be many good night kisses, long bear hugs, sore throats, skinned knees, and broken hearts. I believe there will be piano lessons, school parties, proms and tests to study for. I believe that one day I will sit in a beautiful sanctuary where she will walk down the aisle on the arm of her Daddy to a man that God has already chosen for her.

I believe that she is my daughter.

Please pray for us as we wait for Ellie. We are in a bit of a crunch with time, as some of our important documents are about to expire. That will only delay bringing her home. Here are specific prayer requests:
1. to have a court date assigned and pass! (specifically assigned this week!)
2. for Ellie to move from her current orphanage to the Transition House in the city
3. continued health and safety for Ellie as she waits
4. for Ellie to begin to understand that we are her family, and that we love her
5. for her nannies and caretakers
6. for the staff of our agency who work so diligently to get through the paperwork chaos!
7. for the other children who are waiting with Ellie for their families
8. for us... as we wait and hope with great anticipation for the day that she is at home with us.

Thank you for how you have supported us in prayer, finances and encouragement so far on this journey. We truly could not do this without the love and support of so many friends and family!

Keep Believing

Progress

Jeff got the chair rail done for Ellie's room last week. It's precious.. exactly what I had imagined (thanks, hon, for all the work you put into it!). I love it. So, as promised... here are the pics. I still need something to go on the wall above her bed, and we will still add a bookshelf in there, but overall, it's just about finished!

Her name Ellie means "shining light" or "noble". Her Ethiopian name means "Blessed". We are blessed by her, for sure!

Bryan helped with the "special effects". Not bad, huh?? I love it!

This is still my favorite part of the room... "Such a big miracle in such a little girl". She has no idea how true that is!

The picture on her dresser is of her and her best friend in Ethiopia. So sweet....

The pillows make the bed! And I still love that lamp!

That chair rail sets things off, doesn't it??

This rocker was mine when I was a little girl! I love that Ellie will get to use it now.

We still have not heard about a court date yet. So, we wait and then wait some more. We still trust that God's timing is perfect. We did get a new video of her opening the package that we sent to her recently. That was amazing to see! She has pictures of us now, and the nannies at her orphanage will be telling her every day that we are her new momma, daddy, and brother. WOW!! DID YOU HEAR THAT?

WE are her FAMILY!
And that's really what this is all about....

Ellie, we love you. We're ready to have you home with us forever.

We can't ignore

I saw this video today while reading a blog that I follow often. It reminds me of our time in Uganda, but it also reminds me of why we are in this adoption process at all. Our little girl could have been these children. I just weep at the thought of that, but I know that for so many children, this is reality.

I am burdened to make a difference. What about you?

Oh God, forgive us for the times we have overlooked your children, your creation. Forgive us for not being thankful for our abundance and for not finding ways to share it with the world around us. Open our eyes, God. Let us be disturbed and burdened to act when we see these images. Give us your heart, Father. Teach us to love like you do.



For those who want to know how to make a difference, here is a place to start.

I find myself feeling a bit out of sorts lately. I am getting antsy for Ellie to be home. We've waited a long time. I am tired of waiting. I trust God's timing, don't get me wrong. I just want her here with us.

Thanksgiving Day was hard for me. I filled my plate and sat down, only to find that my appetite was not there anymore. All I could think of was "Does Ellie have enough to eat today?" I couldn't get that thought out of my mind, and I found that my thoughts of Ellie being so far away really took hold of me. I enjoyed time with our family, no doubt, but it felt awkward.

It felt incomplete.

It was incomplete.

I know that God is taking care of her, but I want that privilege for myself. No, it's not that I think I can do a better job. And I don't want to cheat Ellie's birth mother out of any time with her little girl. But my heart longs for her to be with me at the same time.

I have prayed all year that we would know who Ellie is by Christmas. Maybe that will still happen, but I find myself more and more telling myself to not get my hopes up. I don't want to be disappointed. And I don't want these thoughts to keep me from enjoying every minute of this season with Jeff and Bryan.

Please keep us in your prayers as we wait. Waiting stinks.

Blessings and prayers

Our adoption process has been one of the greatest journeys of my life.

I can remember when I was pregnant with Bryan, how I literally spent hours praying for his life. When he moved inside of me, I prayed for his health, for his future, for his salvation. The first moment I saw his face, I remember feeling as if I were meeting an old friend. I already knew him; he had been with me for so long that it just felt right to hold him and care for him. He was mine.

Obviously, I don't have the opportunity to feel Ellie inside of me like I did with Bryan. Another woman had that privilege, and I would not take that from her for anything in the world. I am honored that she carried the child that I will call my own and even more honored that she is entrusting that precious girl to me. But, you know, even without a pregnancy, Ellie is growing within me. She is growing in my heart.

With every new step in the process, I feel her more and more. I believe that when we meet, it will be natural. I believe that God has intended for us to be together since she was being knit in her mother's womb. And I am humbled by that. Like I said, this has been an amazing journey. God has reminded me of His unfailing love for me, how he adopted me into His family too! Wow...

I have had a front row seat to watch God work throughout this past year, as He puts everything together to bring Ellie home to us. He has answered so many prayers. He healed our hearts when we lost everything with Vietnam. He gave us new hope in Ethiopia. He even answered the seemingly simple requests I have made (like the hair questions!). He has been faithful to let us know that He is in control of everything, including the timing of bringing our girl home (think t-shirt that I posted about not long ago). And He continues to blow our minds with how He is providing the finances for this process.

Make no mistake: Adoption is very expensive. We make a good living, but we don't have that kind of money laying around here, for sure. In the beginning, we vowed to God and to each other that we would do this adoption debt free. We have been blessed by parents who have been so gracious to help us financially (thanks mom, dad and Joann!). But I have to tell you about something that I consider extraordinary!

A few weeks ago, I mentioned (as I always do) our adoption as a prayer request in my Sunday school class. I mentioned specifically that we will be coming to some very expensive parts of this process soon (we hope!). After class, a lady that I have never met before came to me, introduced herself and said "My husband and I would like to give you some money". I won't go into all of the details (not sure if she would want me to), but suffice it to say that she blessed our socks off! I was literally blown away by the generosity of these two people who did not even know us! It was yet more proof that God's desire is to unite us with our Ellie.

To the couple who gave so lovingly, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. God has used you mightily, and our daughter will know that you loved her unconditionally before you even knew who she was. Thank you for being disciples of Christ that gave willingly and lovingly. We can't wait for you to meet our girl!

To our parents... what is there to say? I Know you have given because you want Ellie home about as much as we do. Yet, you didn't have to do that for us. Your love has been incredible and encouraging throughout this entire process. Thank you for being so excited about your granddaughter! Thank you for celebrating with us along the way. We can't wait for you to meet Ellie (soon, we hope!)

And most of all, thanks be to God, who has faithfully blessed us, answered us, directed us and loved us always. May we be true disciples of you always.

Please continue to pray as we continue to gather the finances we need to bring our Ellie home.

Thanks!

Special Delivery

This week has been hard for me. Maybe it's the holidays coming upon us so quickly. Maybe it's the cooler weather. Maybe it's just me. I don't know the "why" but I know that I have been missing Ellie this week. It's strange to miss someone you have never met. But, you see, I already love her. She is already a part of our family, in our hearts. We already refer to her as ours. We just need to know who she is and bring her home!

I had hoped and prayed that we would have her here with us by Christmas this year. Obviously, that is not going to happen. And that's okay. Our prayers have been for God to bring her to us in His timing, which we trust is perfect. But still... how I wish she were here.

I've done some Christmas shopping, wishing that she were here to see the lights and hear the music. I've wished that she were here to take to visit Santa. I've wished she were here to see all of the families at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I've wished she were here to tell the Christmas story to so that she will hear of the miracle of Christmas.

As I have had these wishes, I have prayed so much for her. I've prayed protection over her from illness, from poverty and not enough food to eat. I've prayed for her heart that may be breaking as her mother chooses an adoption plan in the ultimate sacrifice to save her precious girl's life. I've prayed for that mother, whose heart must be breaking to make such a decision. I pray that I am worthy of her trust.

I'll admit that I have questioned whether God has heard my prayers. There have been no new girls listed on our agency site, and that is disheartening. My humanness has led me to question at times "Will this fall apart again like Vietnam?". And once again, God has answered my prayers perfectly.

Yesterday, Jeff went out to get the mail. In the box, he found a small package that held a child's t-shirt. On that shirt were the words "Special Delivery from Ethiopia". It was as if God Himself were saying to us "She is on the way. I am bringing Ellie to you. Just be patient. Trust my plan".

I do trust His plan.

Ellie, we can't wait to meet you. We can't wait for that moment when we get to see your sweet face and know that you were chosen for us. We can't wait to hold you, kiss you, and bring you to your forever home. We're coming, baby girl. Just be patient, and trust His plan.

ever feel like this?

We do.

Tonight, we completed all of the final paperwork for our dossier. Let me just say that Ethiopia requires MANY more documents than Vietnam did. We have typed, printed, retyped, reprinted, taken pictures, organized, etc etc all evening. Not that I'm complaining; it's all worth it!

Tomorrow, I will call my friend Sherri, who has been gracious to notarize everything for us throughout this entire adoption journey (thanks Sherri!). Once all of that is finished, we are ready to send it on. Well, once Frankfort sends me the correct birth certificates, we will be ready. But that's another story altogether!!

Please continue to pray for this adoption. I have felt such peace and affirmation from God these past several days. I can't wait to be able to share more about that, but I don't have all the details just yet. Just suffice it to say that God is working mightily to bring Ellie to us.

I am overwhelmingly humbled and in awe that I would be chosen for this journey. Oh, how I look forward to seeing my little girl's face for the first time. For now, we are one step closer....

Proof that God hears me...

Do you ever have those moments when you are praying and you just sort of freak out? Does anyone here know what I mean? This morning was one of those times. I was praying, as I always do, for my family. As I got to my prayers for Ellie, I really just freaked out. I was telling God that I was nervous. What do I know about raising a little girl? What do I know about playing dolls and barbies? What do I know about dresses and frills? I've only had a boy all these years? How will I ever fix her hair? Especially black hair? What do I know about black hair? Seriously, I was getting really scared, people! So, I stopped praying, and I just listened. And I really felt that God was saying to me "Holly, calm down. It's going to be okay. I will give Ellie to you, and I will equip you to take care of her".

Work was busy, so I honestly didn't spend much time thinking about any of that. As I got home, though, there was a HUGE box on the front step from our adoption agency. I had no idea what it was; I wasn't expecting anything from them, certainly nothing that big! As I opened it, I saw that it was our education toolbox, filled with books and info on international adoption. On top was a stuffed monkey, and just below that was this....


yes... It's all Good Hair: the Guide to Styling and Grooming Black Children's Hair
Now someone try to tell me that God didn't hear my prayer!! How cool is that?

Destination Ellie: Update

Good news! This week we received our amended 171H form (immigration approval). This was such a huge blessing. Honestly, this one piece of paper is one of the most expensive things in the adoption dossier process. We were concerned that we would have to pay for it all over again when the doors in Vietnam closed on us.

We should have known better.

God has worked out so many things for us, and it is truly amazing to see Him at work in bringing Ellie home to us. With the 171H form in hand, we are now hurrying to gather the rest of our documents for our Ethiopian dossier. We can get a "match" (referral) any time now, and we are eagerly searching our agency's website daily as new girls are added often. Our director is actually in Ethiopia at this time meeting the children. We are praying for our little girl to be found very soon.

Meanwhile, I have bought pink paint for Ellie's room! How fun is that? And I also got a great bedding set... pink, green, yellow, flowers, butterflies...can you say "girlie"? I am lovin' this!

Please continue to pray for Ellie. Pray specifically for her safety, that she has plenty to eat, shelter, and necessary medical care. Pray for her birth parents as they make this incredibly difficult decision to make an adoption plan for their precious little girl. Pray that we are patient in waiting for her to come to us.

I promise to keep you posted!

Out of Africa...

Tonight we completed our application for adoption. Again.

This time, we are going with Ethiopia. There are a lot of reasons for this choice. For one, it's known to be a very smooth process, and after the mess of Vietnam, we are ready for "smooth". But there are more important reasons than this. Here are a few to start with...

~ One in ten children die before their first birthday
~ One in six children die before their fifth birthday
~ 44% of the population of Ethiopia is under 15 years old
~ 60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition
~ The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years
~ 1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest in the world)
~ 720,000 children have been orphaned by AIDS alone, and there are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia

I really believed that we would find Ellie in Vietnam, and for a while I was ready to quit the whole process because that country fell through. But Jeff and I believe that God has called us to adopt. Period. And we love Ellie, wherever she is out there. So, we will look in Ethiopia. And I do believe that she is out there.

Please pray with us that God unites us with her. I trust that He has chosen the perfect little girl for our family, a girl whose personality and spirit matches our own. A girl who will know that we are her mommy, daddy and brother.

So... she will look a bit differently than we originally thought. But who cares? She will be ours, and well, that's enough for me!!

What do you do when you come to a dead end? Do you turn around and go back the way you came? Or do you try to make your own path? Or do you just lay down and quit, ready to stay in that same spot forever? These are the questions I find myself asking these days. You see, we have come to what appears to be a dead end in our adoption journey. On Friday we received "the call" from our agency that told us we would not be bringing Ellie home. Period.

To say that we are heartbroken doesn't even come close to describing the pain we feel right now. We are sad. We are questioning. We are confused. We are angry. We are tired.

But we still believe in God's power.

Today, I wanted to be anywhere at all except in church. Honestly, it wasn't because I am angry with God. I am not. I am just hurting, and it seems that I always cry the most in church (why is that, by the way?). I just wanted to stay home and cry by myself. Yet, my brothers and sisters in Christ strengthened me. As Jeff and I knelt at the altar, friends gathered around us to pray for us, and I felt strengthened. That's powerful, folks!

We have been given the option of stopping now, waiting until Vietnam opens again for referrals (could be years from now in all honesty), or switching to another country. And we don't know what to do. We never had a "Plan B". We trusted that God led us in this direction, and we put all of our eggs in one basket.

Today, I spent a lot of time in prayer about all of this... what we should do, where to go, how I feel, where is God in all of this.. all of that stuff. And He repeatedly brought to mind verses about standing still. I told Him that I felt like we were at a dead end, and God brought to mind the story of Moses when he led the Israelites out of Egypt. They were finally freed from slavery, and then they came to what was seemingly a dead end... the Red Sea. The Israelites, freshly freed from captivity, whined and said "Didn't we tell you to leave us alone while we were still in Egypt? Our slavery was far better than dying out here in the wilderness". (Seriously??)

Scripture goes on to say
"But Moses told the people, 'Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you'".

As God brought that story back to my mind today, I knew that He was telling us to "stand still" and let Him fight for us. That's not easy. I am human; I prefer to know exactly how things are going to work out. But scripture also says that God's ways are not our ways, and if I really trust Him, I will let go of the need to work things out myself.

I want my little girl home. I believe that Ellie is waiting for us to come get her from wherever she may be. I believe that God brought us this far, and I believe that He is faithful to finish what He started. Please pray for us. We need some strength and encouragement right about now.

Thanks so much... we love ya'll.