All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
(Beautiful Things, Gungor)

If I had to put the year 2011 in a song, this would be it. This year has brought joy immeasurable and so much pain that I felt I couldn't take a breath. And in the midst, there was God.

Faithful.

Holy.

True.

Mine.

In this year, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about spiritual warfare. But I also learned and experienced more than I ever fathomed the Presence of Jesus, my comforter. Here I am, on the cusp of a new year, and I feel a bit like Mary, holding these things in my heart and pondering the goodness of God. But I'd be remiss if I didn't testify to the faithfulness of my Savior.

In this year, a battle raged for our son. Satan thought he had won, and if truth be told, there were moments that I believed it too. It was a hard time, for lack of a better description. I cried until the tears would come no more. I hurt. I felt like my heart had been ripped from within me. The bleakest days of my life were during that time. Jeff and I spent a week at home, mourning the decisions that Bryan had made that caused him to be placed outside of this home. And in that moment of him leaving here, the lies came flying into my mind: "You weren't good enough, or he wouldn't be struggling like this". I wanted to believe it. To blame myself seemed better than admitting that my son had made decisions that went against everything this family believes in. But that's not the end of the story.

I can't tell you how beautiful redemption is when you witness it in your child. Jeff and I often say how incredible it is to have our son back. It's not been easy, but he's home and he smiles again. God is speaking to him, and he is learning to listen again. God is daily redeeming him and using his story. You see, what was meant to harm him, God intended for good, and we see the good coming from that time. We've hugged more, laughed more, cried more, prayed more in the past few months than I can ever remember. It's beautiful, and I feel more proud of him than I can describe here.

A few weeks ago, our sweet Ellie asked Jesus to come into her heart. We've witnessed her redemption too. It's been three years this week since we said "yes" to adopting her, and the transformation in her life is unbelievable. She has literally come to life before our very eyes, and we are so thankful for her!


I have no idea what 2012 has in store. I'm sure there will be days of incredible joy, and I'm sure there will be days where my heart will feel torn apart. If I've learned anything in this year, it's that my feelings cannot be trusted. They change like the wind. But God- oh my, He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He hands out HOPE in abundance, and my cup surely is overflowing with it. I can't wait to see what 2012 holds- all of it. For nothing comes to me that He is unaware or unprepared for.

How about you? What did God teach you this year?

Mother's Day 2011

This is why I celebrate. Thank you God for entrusting these two to me. This is my greatest calling.


My children are such a blessing to me. They bring me such pride and joy, and it is a complete honor to raise them in the ways of the Lord. I don't know why God chose me, but I'm oh so glad He did!! They give me reason to celebrate today and every day.

I can't let this day pass without acknowledging the beautiful lady in Ethiopia that made the ultimate sacrifice that ultimately allowed me the privilege of being a mom to Ellie. Tigist, you are a hero to me. You've taught me what it means to love your child unconditionally, to love enough that you would sacrifice being able to watch her grow. You've given me an incredible gift, and my words will never say enough of how much I appreciate you.

Orphan Awareness Month

Unicef recently stated that there are now an estimated 163 million orphans in the world today. You read that right.

163 MILLION CHILDREN

While we sit in our nice warm homes with full pantries and closets full of clothes we never wear, there are 163 million children out there doing without.

Without families.
Without shelter.
Without food.
Without clothes.
Without security.
Without safety.
Without hope.

So, while we sit and wonder if we should help them, do you know what is happening to them?

They are searching through garbage for food.
They are waiting. Alone.
They are wandering the dangerous streets of cities.
They are forced into labor in order to eat.
They are forced into the sex trade.
They are beaten.
They are belittled.
They hide in the bushes while wild dogs threaten to eat them.

This is the reality of so many in our world, and we MUST make people aware. I was once unaware too. Then God brought a tiny little girl named Kedest into our world, and she changed me. She has taught me.

She has told me some of the stories I listed above.

Someone said to me recently "I'm so glad that there are good orphanages out there for these kids". Let me tell you this: Living in an orphanage is not the same as being in a family! I'm forever grateful for the love and care our Ellie Kedest was given in her orphanage. I know without a doubt that they saved her life physically. But she was still in need; SHE NEEDED A FAMILY.

ALL CHILDREN NEED A FAMILY.

The journey of adoption is not easy. Really, is there anything in life of worth that is? What I know is this. In the past year, I've watched God redeem my daughter's life. I've watched Him pour life into her little body. I've watched Him grow her- physically, emotionally and spiritually. I've watched Him speak peace into her heart. I've watched as He used someone as unworthy as me to make a difference in her life. But really, SHE has made a difference in me more than I could have ever imagined. She is the perfect picture of His redemption. I'm reminded of this passage of scripture that says "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; You are mine"(Isaiah 43:1b).

Could it be that He is calling You to adopt as well?

NOTE: I know that not everyone is called to open their homes and bring a child in. But as followers of Christ, we ARE all called to help the orphan. James 1:27 tell us "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."

What are you doing to follow God's command to take care of the orphans?

Consider one of these opportunities.
http://www.compassion.com/
http://celebratechildren.org/
http://www.princeofpeacegt.com/index.html
http://www.sunrise.org/com


Until they are all home...

Happy 17th!

17 years ago right now, I was getting ready to go to bed for the last night as Holly Johnson. There were a million thoughts running through my mind... what if I fell walking down the aisle at the wedding? What if he said "No"? (Not a chance!)What if I didn't know how to be a wife? (does anyone ever know that at the beginning?) What if I don't like sharing a bed with someone? What if he snores? What if I snore?

But I can tell you that one question that never crossed my mind was "What if it doesn't last?" I knew without a doubt that it would last until death. That was part of the deal. This was not something we were going into without much prayer and thought. We were committed.. not only to one another, but mostly to God. We made a promise that the "d" word would never enter our home, and it hasn't. We've never uttered that word to each other, not even in jest. There's no place for it here.

Seventeen years later, we are still honeymooning. We are still head over heels in love, just like we were on August 7th, 1993. We're both a bit grayer. We're wiser than we were (thank you Lord!). But we are CRAZY in love!

So, in honor of 17 precious years together, here's a list of 17 things that I love about my man and our marriage.

1. After 17 years, he still gives me butterflies when he kisses me!
2. He still opens all the doors for me
3. I still love the way he serves me.
4. I still love love love serving him!
5. We still date. And often!
6. He still kisses me first when he comes home.
7. He tells me I'm beautiful, and he means it.
8. I believe I'm beautiful because God said it, but I love hearing it from Jeff!
9. We're coffee snobs with cool mugs.
10. Our kids are fantastic and bring us much joy and satisfaction.
11. We worship together.
12. We share our dreams and hopes together.
13. My favorite spot in the world is right next to him.
14. We have plans for the future that excite me!
15. We are passionate about helping to combat poverty around the world.
16. We have a marriage worthy of bragging rights. I'm proud of us.
17. God is now, and has always been, the center of our marriage. That's why we work.

Folks, I don't kid around about this. I know too many people with marriages that are broken or hurting. It breaks my heart that not everyone can share the kind of love and joy we have here. But it's not because Jeff and I are so special. It's because GOD IS. Without Him, we're just two people trying to make it. With Him in the center, we can't fail.

I love you Jeff. I love doing life together. I love waking up and knowing you'll be right there beside me that night again. I love knowing that you love God more than me, and I love loving Him more than I do you. It's what makes us tick, and we tick rather well! You are my best friend, my love, the one who calms me, makes me laugh til I cry, the one I want beside me forever.

I'll love you forever,
Bird~

My intentions...

I am officially on vacation. I go back to work on the 26th of this month. Perhaps it will look like this????

Happy Daughter Day!

One year ago...
~ you were an orphan

~you had no clothes of your own

~your name was Kedest X

~ you were unsure of your next meal

~ you didn't know how to play with friends

~ your eyes were filled with uncertainty

~ you had no idea how awesome a big brother could be

~ you were waiting for Mommy & Daddy

Today...
~ you are an orphan NO MORE

~ your favorite thing is to choose which dress and shoes you'll wear for the day

~ your name is Ellie Kedest Prosser, meaning "shining light" (Ellie) and "holy" (Kedest)

~ you love to eat, and you are learning to trust there will always be plenty for you

~ you spend your days with friends, laughing and having fun.. like a little girl should!

~ your eyes are filled with wonder and excitement

~ you think your big brother hung the moon~

~ you have a Mommy & Daddy at your side always and forever

On July 2, 2009, the Ethiopian courts declared that Kedest X was ours. She has had 365 days of being Ellie Kedest Prosser, and we've had that long of calling her ours. It's a beautiful thing, and we can't say thanks to the Lord enough for entrusting her to us. We have had 365 days of being oh so grateful for the sacrificial love of Ellie's birth mother, Tigist, whom we will forever love and cherish. My heart has been torn for 365 days with the love of this precious girl and the knowing that her birth mom will never have the joy of knowing her like I do. I am simply not worthy of this gift.

So, on this day, we give thanks to the Father of all, who created this child and formed her in her birth mother's womb, then lovingly placed her in our arms. Praise be to God alone!


Psalm 68:6- God sets the lonely in families.

Healing Day

June 21st is a holiday in our home. I've talked about it before, but some of you (of all 10 of you who read) may not realize the significance behind this holiday. So, let me explain.

About 4-5 years ago, Bryan was diagnosed with an inactive colon. Simply put, he had no muscle tone in his colon, so simple things like going to the bathroom were not simple for him. Little did we know how horrible that problem could be. He endured (embarrassing) treatments for about a year and a half or two years, but none were successful. We were at the point of having to go into the hospital over night for treatments every few months... NOT a fun thing for a young boy!

After much prayer and a couple of professional opinions, we decided to allow Bryan to undergo a fairly new treatment option in which a tube would be implanted into his upper colon, by way of his appendix. Through this tube, we would be able to "flush" out his colon and keep it clean, with the idea that when clean, the colon could heal itself and regain its muscle functioning. It seemed our only hope at that point, and we trusted his doctor (our hero!)

In July of 2006, just before the start of his 6th grade year, Bryan had his surgery. Right off, things were going well. Then in September, he developed an abscess that ruptured. We were back at the hospital for emergency surgery. I can't tell you how afraid we were. I am a nurse; I know the dangers of a ruptured abscess, and Bryan was a very sick boy! I sat by his side in the hospital, praying over him and asking God to heal him. It was at his bedside then that God began to work in my heart to give Him complete control in my life, and stop worshipping my child instead of Him.

Bryan recuperated from that surgery, but in December of 2006, he was back in the hospital for surgery #3 due to another infection that had developed. I think it was February that brought surgery #4, after Bryan accidentally pulled out the tube (yes, that was GROSS), and Surgery #5 came in April from yet ANOTHER infection. We finally said to our doctor that we could not continue to go through this ordeal anymore.

The year had taken its toll on our family. We were tired from constant doctor's visits and hospital stays. But our (mine and Jeff's) tiredness did not even hold a candle to Bryan's. He was depressed, a completely different person. He no longer smiled. He had a fever for 11 solid months before it was all over and done with. He hurt constantly. He was becoming bitter, believing that God was not hearing his prayers to heal him. If I'm honest, I wondered myself if God had heard our prayers.

On June 21, 2007,, Bryan underwent surgery for the 6th and final time to have his cecostomy tube removed (along with his Appendix which had a hole in it from the tube being anchored there). The doctor warned us that he had likely not gotten to use the tube enough for it to be effective. He also warned us that Bryan had endured so much infection that he would likely have to remove part of his colon during the surgery. We were scared, wondering what we would do next if this had not worked. But really, we just wanted our son back.

Bryan went into surgery that morning, and a couple of hours later, Dr. Iocono came out with a huge smile on his face. He said that Bryan's colon "looked like any healthy 11 year old boy's should". It had looked like "the colon of an 85 year old man" when this started. Not only that, but NONE of the colon had to be removed. He was perfectly fine!

He has NEVER had a problem with his colon again.

EVER.

We know that the hand of God was at work in the operating room that day. I know fully that God could have chosen to heal Bryan before any of these surgeries began. He could have healed him after the ruptured abscess. But He chose to give us a miracle by allowing us to walk together through that year, through all 6 surgeries and the HORRIFIC treatments that were in between. He gave us a miracle in that we knew He was surely with us, comforting us and giving us Hope and Peace and Grace. And by His grace, He chose to heal Bryan completely in the end.

The truth is, He could have chosen NOT to heal Bryan. And He would still be God. And He would still be good and worthy of our praise.

I thank God every day for the miracle of Bryan's health and life. I thank Him for the testimony of God's healing and faithfulness that Bryan has to carry with him forever. I thank Him that Bryan's hope is restored again. He smiles again.


I thank Him for the invaluable lessons He taught me during that journey. I thank Him for Who He is, not just what He has done.

Healing Day is our way of saying "we recognize what you did and what you continue to do, God. We won't forget".


So, how about you? What holidays are you celebrating? How are you commemorating God's faithfulness to you?

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

I've been blessed to not only be raised by a great dad, but I also married one. He's pretty darn HOT too!

I love you Jeff... you are a wonderful dad to our two miracles! I hope you know how much you are loved and celebrated every day!

The Pain of Parenting...

Last weekend, we took our first family trip out of town (other than to visit family) since Ellie has come home. It was her first time in a hotel since being home with us. She was excited at first about sleeping there. She thought it was "awesome" that we were all going to sleep in the same room. She had worn herself out during the day, so she went to sleep before we ever finished singing our goodnight song.

When Ellie woke up, Jeff had gone out for a run, and Bryan was still asleep. The room was still dark, thanks to the wonder of darkening shades! Ellie popped her head up by my bed, and said "Good morning!", just like she would any day at home. She climbed up in bed beside me, but instead of hugging me, she just started sobbing.

My first thought was that she was scared because we were not at home. She kept repeating that she was "so sad", but every time I asked her why, she only responded "I can't say it!". I held her and held her while she sobbed. I cried along with her, whispered to her that I loved her. When she was finally calm enough to talk, she said "Mommy, we don't have any food here. We can't eat".

That sweet baby girl thought that we were not going to eat all day because there was no food in our hotel room. I immediately explained to her that we were going to breakfast as soon as Jeff got back. I have never gotten ready so fast in my life! Ellie cried until the pancakes she ordered were placed in front of her and cut up, then proceeded to gorge herself by eating every bite on her plate (more than I ate even!)

It struck me as I watched her stuff herself that she wasn't sure that she would eat again that day. She was making sure that she had enough in her to last a good long time just in case there was no more. She has been with us for 8 months, and yet, she still does not expect from us that we will feed her AT LEAST three times a day, every day. It is instilled deep within her that she should not expect it.

My heart was broken, not only at the thought of what horrors had she lived through to come to that place, but also at the fact that there is so much of her life that I had no part of, that I could not protect. There is a part of her life that was hurtful, and I don't know what all is there yet. There are deep wounds in her life, and I could not stop them from happening. My "momma instincts" say that I should have protected her, fed her, kept her from all hurt.

But I couldn't. She had to endure the hurt of her birth mom making a plan for her adoption, a plan that for Ellie included some time in the care of other family members who hurt her, time in places where she had no food for who knows how long. It was a plan done out of a love that I cannot fathom, if truth be told. I have such great admiration and love for Ellie's birth mother. I believe with all of my heart that her birth mom loves her completely, and that her acts were the most unselfish thing I've ever witnessed. But they still hurt.

And then I read this: "From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?', which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:45-46)

Jesus felt abandoned, alone, fearful even when he was about to die on that cross. I'm sure in his humanness, he had to wonder "why?". Maybe he was thinking "How is this going to work for good?". Yet, God, in His infinite wisdom, was working a plan. He willingly let Jesus go through that hurt, knowing that in the end, Jesus would sit at His right hand, with his Father. He would never hurt again. He would be HOME.

And as I read that, I realized that Ellie's journey is just beginning. She has walked a road of courage WAY beyond her years, Grace that is beyond my imagination, determination and strength that could only be of the Lord. She has survived, only by the Grace of God. And I believe in my heart that God wanted me to see that He understood my pain at not having been there to stop her hurt. Because He didn't stop Jesus' hurt either.

I believe that His ways are perfect. I believe that He has a purpose and a plan to prosper Ellie (Jeremiah 29:11), just as He does all of us. I believe that He wants me to celebrate each and every moment with her, even the ones where she is afraid, sad or confused.

Especially those moments. For now, I AM here to comfort her.


Oh God, thank you for speaking so clearly to me and for letting me know you understand my momma's heart. You are a parent too, God. Thank you for having a heart that breaks at your Son's pain and death on the cross, but also for your adopted sons and daughters who try to do life without you every day. Thank you for listening and teaching when things don't make sense to me. Thank you for reminding me that you love me deeply, that you love my children deeply, more than I could ever begin to understand. Thank you for protecting Ellie from whatever could have come her way. Thank you for instilling within her the spunk and grit to make it through. Thank you for allowing her to be a little girl now, to not have to fend for herself anymore. Help her to realize that she is safe here, that she will always be fed here. Remind her that she is at Home now. Thank you for blessing me with this amazing family that I could never deserve. You are awesome and mighty, and I praise you Lord. Amen

A letter to my children...

This week at work, I overheard a conversation between a mother and her two children, in which she told them "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Don't worry, kids. Mom can make you happy no matter what. Let's go to Walmart, then McDonalds". My heart was broken from that conversation. There is NOTHING at Walmart or McDonalds that will ever bring about lasting joy. Happiness if temporary sweet friend. Anyway, all of that led me to spend some time thinking about what it is that I have taught my children that I desperately want for them. So, here it is...

Dear Bryan & Ellie,

You may find it hard to believe what I'm about to write here, but please hear me out before you freak out!

As your mom, I have many things that I want and pray for in your lives. But, I do NOT want you to be happy. (I told you it would be surprising; hear me out here!)

For the past year or so, God has really been dealing with me on this, the idea of being happy in life. And the more I've learned, the more I want to pass along to you, my legacy. You see kids, happiness is something that is determined by your situation in life. It's fleeting, to say the least. I'm happy when I get a good buy on a sweet purse. But a purse will never change my life. I'm happy when you pick up your toys or dirty clothes. But when you don't, where does that leave me? Happiness is a great thing, don't get me wrong; it feels good. Real good. But when I think of what it is that I want most for your lives, it's just not there.

I've watched both of you experience happiness. Bryan, you are happy when you get a drum beat down or when you get the "okay" on having a band practice here at the house. But what about those days that we can't have your friends over, or the beat is too hard to perfect in one practice session. What do you feel then? Ellie, you are happy when you are getting beads in your hair or getting a book read to you. But what about the times we have to tell you "no" about the book or whatever it is you want to play? Will your happiness fade with each "no" you get in life?

Really kids, it's not that I don't ever want you to experience happiness; it's just that it's not my goal for you to be happy all of your lives. And I don't want it to be your goal either. I never want to watch you spend your life chasing after something that is always contingent on your surroundings. Because let me tell you, your surroundings will change all the time, from year to year, week to week, day to day, and moment to moment.

So, what DO I want for you?? Well, for one thing, I want you to be CONTENT.

Contentment is so much better than happiness, kids. Seriously better. Contentment is that crazy thing that makes us still smile, even though we didn't get our way, didn't get a raise (in allowance or at work), didn't finish a project when we had hoped, when a friend treats us not-so-friendly, when we have to do homework instead of play, when we can't go out to eat because we are doing the Dave Ramsey thing. Contentment comes from within. And within those of us who have a relationship with Christ, the Spirit of God is living in us. THAT is what gives contentment kids.

In Scripture, Paul went through some tough times... some would say horrible times. Yet, he said this.. "I've have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want". (Phil 4:11b-12)

That is what I want for you kids. I want you to be at peace with your Father, no matter what the world is throwing your way. There will be times in your life when everything you touch works well. And sadly, there will be times when nothing seems to go your way. Yet God is always the same, always with you, always loving you, always forgiving. That gives contentment. My prayer is that you learn to grasp that in your lives.

Contentment leads to spiritual maturity, I do believe. It helps us to realize the blessings of our lives. It is never going to be the materialistic things in life that give you peace, joy and fulfillment. Only God can bring about lasting contentment. I pray you are able to find it. Life is one heck of a ride, kids! Make each moment count!

I love you,
Mom~

where did the time go?

This weekend, Bryan celebrates his 14th birthday... sort of. (He was born on February 29th, 1996, so technically he is only 3 1/2 this year!) It's hard to believe he's already 14... seems like just yesterday he was a tiny little thing, and now he's taller than me (not that that's real tall, but you get my drift).

Bryan is a blessing. I don't know how else to put it. He has brought more joy to my life than I ever thought possible. He has made me want to be a better person. He's made me try harder in things, and he's made me want to be more brave in life. He is a miracle, no doubt. I remember vividly being told that I would never be able to have children. Yet, here he is. I thank God for the honor of being his mom every day.

Bryan, you are a true joy. You make me laugh harder than anyone else can. You make me cry sometimes too (not always in a bad way either :)). You have more talent than I ever could hope for myself. You are a gifted musician, writer, encourager and leader. I pray every day that you will submit all of those gifts to the Lord, and allow Him to lead you in life. I see in you so much potential to change the world. Even at 14, you can make a difference. You DO make a difference in my life, in our home, and in our family.

You are a blessing to parent. I love being your mom. I love picking you up at school and talking about your day. I love hearing you play drums. I love seeing you laugh as you wrestle with your dad. It's been an honor to watch you as a big brother this year. You are an awesome brother!!

Never give in to the pressure to be something or someone you are not made to me. Trust God to direct you. Trust His word. Stay in His word. Carry it in your heart with you always. Stand up for injustice always, as you already do. Make the world a better place just by being you. And always know that I love you so much, and I'm so thankful you are my son!


Happy birthday, Bryan. I can't wait to share this weekend with you!!

Love,
Mom~

Happy anniversary

6 months ago this past Tuesday, I held my baby girl in my arms for the first time. After years of praying for her, I finally had my hands on her. The feeling was incredible, and words here will never describe it.

Some have asked how our lives have changed in the past 6 months. Well, here are but a few ways:

1. We have to ask for a table of 4 now (I still love the sound of that!)
2. Our house is filled with pink.
3. Baby dolls and their clothes frequently find their way all over the house
4. The sight of a tutu makes me smile.
5. I've learned the characters of Dora the Explorer
6. I sing "Magdalena Hagdalena" and "Ida May" every day.. at least twice each
7. Someone wants me to sing to them every night again (love it!)
8. I get kisses from one more person every day.. many times
9. Whining has returned to the Prosser household (we're working on that one)
10. Hair beads are the cat's favorite toy
11. I find myself gravitating to the little girl's department in every store I go to.
12. Date night is harder to come by, but twice as enjoyable!
13. Childcare is back in the budget
14. Pull ups are back in the budget
15. Goldfish are back in the budget
16. I've become a hairbow snob.. I am very picky about the ones I like!
17. Prayer time at the dinner table is long as Ellie prays for all of her friends at each meal.
18. There is a feeling of contentment in our home, that we are complete.
19. There is never silent moment in our home (really funny since we were told at one point that she was nonverbal)
20. Our hearts are full of love and peace as God has made it clear that she was the perfect child for our family!
21. Bryan shares his parents (and does so with much grace, I must say!)
22. Jeff has learned to do hair.
23. Laundry has increased exponentially (girls really do wear a lot of clothes!)
24. Tights are a source of great joy.
25. Anything that glitters is good.
26. Our eyes are opened to the poverty around the world.
27. We have a burning desire to help put clean water around the globe.
28. Sharing our story is vital to our survival now. we HAVE to tell what God has done.
29. We dance every day.
30. I have a keen awareness that there is still more for us that God has in store.

Ellie, Happy 6 month Anniversary with our family! We love you dearly.
Bryan, Happy 6 month Anniversary as a big brother. You are ROCKING your role! I'm so proud of who you are and the brother you are to Ellie.
Jeff, Happy 6 month anniversary on being a dad to a daughter. You are so tender and sweet with her!!

Ellie has learned so much in the past 6 months. It's amazing to think that just 6 months ago, she knew no English. Now, she is fluent, can count to 15, knows her letters, can write her name, and is starting to work on her colors! God amazes me more and more every day through my children! What a blessing to be their mom!

I love my family!

Merry Christmas...

or should I say MELKAM GENA (Amharic)

In Ethiopia, Christmas is celebrated on January 7th. So, tomorrow we will read the Christmas story from the Bible again to Ellie and spend time celebrating the reason there is a Christmas at all!

Why don't you celebrate with us?


On a side note... it looks like we'll have a white Christmas after all!

Giving Thanks....

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving as we always do, surrounded by family and feasting on enough food to last a month. And all over the world there are children, moms, dads, uncles, aunts, cousins, daughters, sons, and friends who ate nothing. I remember last year wondering what my little girl was eating, if anything, for Thanksgiving. I wondered if she had anything to be thankful for at all. This year, I've witnessed, yet again, the power of God Almighty, as Ellie was hugged and kissed in person by her extended family. I watched her eyes get bigger and bigger as we put more and more on her plate. I loved watching her try foods for the first time (she does not like broccoli casserole, but she loved the corn pudding!)I was in tears just having a front row seat to watch her experience the newness.

Yesterday we got to watch her experience yet another new thing: We put up the Christmas decorations! I don't know if Ellie has ever seen a Christmas tree before, besides what she has seen in the department stores. In fact, when our tree was lit up, she looked at me and said "Oh, it's beautiful like Kohls!". Sweet girl...

I wish I could put into words what it means to be able to watch her experience these things for the first time. Last night, she was running through the house, yelling over and over how beautiful everything looked and how much she loved snowmen. Bryan said "Mom, make her stop! She's driving me nuts!". But then we realized that we've had this to experience our entire lives, and for her, this is all new. It puts things in perspective when you look at it like that.

I held Ellie in my lap and showed her the nativity scene, explaining who the people were. She is in awe that the wise men brought gifts, wondering where the balloons were (I'm sure Baby Jesus would have loved balloons too!). She kept saying "that's so nice of them!". And I just cried (I do that a lot lately!)


Oh God, thank you for the gift of my two beautiful children. Thank you for the gift of hearing their laughter and their cries, for it means that I know they are experiencing life in its fullness. Thank you for the gift of being able to watch Ellie's face light up in wonder as she saw the lights and decorations here for the first time. Thank you for her innocence. Thank you for Bryan and his patience with her. Thank you that we have plenty to eat, that's never a worry Ellie has to have again. Thank you that we have clean water to drink, that we can live parasite-free. Thank you for my husband who is my dream come true. I'm so grateful that we can share this life together. Thank you for Who you are, for the miracles we see DAILY because our Hope is in You, Lord.

In honor of Pastor's Appreciation Month....

I thought I'd take the opportunity to tell you what I appreciate about my favorite pastor (who happens to be my husband in case anyone reading this doesn't know).

1. He treats me like a queen. He makes submission easy. seriously.
2. He sacrifices for our family (ask him how many times he has played golf this year, and you'll see what I mean)
3. When he watches shows like "America's Funniest Videos", he laughs with his whole being. It's better than watching the show!
4. He has regular "dad and lad" days with Bryan.. .and always will, I'm sure.
5. He and Ellie go at least once a week on a "bagel breakfast date".
6. He plays shoot-em-up XBOX games one minute with Bryan, then has a tea party while wearing a feather boa with Ellie the next.
7. He asks me out on dates still.
8. He's pretty hot...
9. God is supreme in his life. Always has been. Always will be.
10. He is gifted at the ministry. It's what he was made to do.. no doubt about it. He's in his element when he is serving our community.
11. He says some words really funny and it always cracks me up, but he doesn't mind.
12. He led me to Christ while we were dating.
13. He asked me to be his wife, and he still tells me he is glad he did!
14. He teaches me how to be a better parent, mom, Christ-follower and all around better person.
15. He plays Scrabble with me when I've had a rough day.
16. He puts the toothpaste on my toothbrush in the mornings to help me.
17. He ALWAYS opens the doors for me.
18. He is teaching Bryan to always open the doors for me too!
19. He kisses me first when he comes home.
20. He is passionate about his love for Christ. It's because of this that all these other things exist.

I love you Jeff. I'm proud of the work you do for the Kingdom of God. I'm honored to be your wife in this journey. I'm humbled to walk beside you. I'm undeniably head over heels in love with you!

So... go tell your favorite pastor what it is you love about him! they work hard and need to know they are loved!

Mommy's Girl...

People ask all the time how things are going with Ellie. I always answer the same way.. it's going great. And overall, it is. She's learning so much, so quickly. It's really quite amazing to watch! but it's not all easy, and if truth be told, there are times that it's just downright hard to handle! The emotions, the unknowns, the language barriers.. it's all hard sometimes. It's worth it, no doubt! but it's still hard!

Tonight while giving Ellie a bath, I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotions. I won't share all of the details because that's her story and I'm not gonna share it here. But I will tell you that Ellie told me about a horrible experience in her life tonight, in as much detail as she can in her part English-part Amharic, two year old vocabulary.

Initially I was angry. I called Jeff in and she told him the same story. We know it's true. We've known about it for a while. But she has never said it herself to us until now. We were both overcome with feelings of wanting to hurt someone, to take revenge. I wanted to lash out at someone at the injustice that has happened in her short little life.

But the other part of me was grateful. Tonight was proof that we are making progress in our bonding. Ellie trusts us enough to not only be goofy and silly and sing fun songs with us. She trusts us enough to share her hurts. That's what family is all about! Isn't that we all long for with our children- for them to be comfortable enough with us to tell us everything? That's exactly what happened here tonight.. right in my jacuzzi tub with soap suds all over her fuzzy little head.

Tonight's conversation also made me see once more just how much I love this little girl. No, I didn't give birth to her like you normally think of mothers and babies. But I gave birth to her in my heart, and tonight that bond was solidified even further, as she entrusted to me what is likely her biggest hurt in life. She didn't want me to fix it; it's already fixed. She just wanted me to know. And as I picked her up out of that tub, she put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheeks so sweetly (she kisses both of them, always!).

For a moment, time stood still. There was no hurt, no worries, no unknowns in her past, no uncertainties. There was just a mommy and her little girl, sharing a sudsy kiss. It was just the way God intended it to be. It was pure, peaceful.

It was perfect.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of my daughter.. my sweet little girl.

Here's the latest video of what Ellie has been learning.. check it out!

And Sue, there's a special message for you at the end! She loves you so much!

Family

Ellie has been home with us for 8 weeks now. The difference is astounding really. She's gone from a timid, quiet shy little girl, afraid to even let us hear her voice at times to a boisterous, happy, singing ball of giggles and smiles. I'm in awe of how God brought her to us. Sometimes I just sit and watch her in amazement, and thank God for the gift of her in our lives.

I went back to work last week. I didn't really want to go, if I'm being completely honest. But... that's life, and I believe that there is a reason for my being in that place as well. Jeff is now on Family Leave for 8 weeks, and he is loving it! I'm so thankful that he has this opportunity to be with her. I'm grateful that she will grow to see her Daddy even more fully, and know that in him she has a wonderful example of her Heavenly Father.

I have to say that my favorite part of the day is 1:30pm, when I get off of work. I drive to pick Bryan up at school and then we head home together. I love that drive home with him (when he takes his headphones out!). And when we get home, I love hearing Ellie yell "mommy" and run to me for a hug and kiss! Awwwww.. you can't beat that people.

I'm learning more and more that it's the simple things in life that make it worthwhile. I'm learning more and more that God gives us countless blessings each and every day that we often overlook (like when your 13 year old turns his music off to talk, your two year old tells you that you are beautiful, and your husband cooks dinner for you and says that he'll clean up too just because he loves you and wants to serve you!!). I guess after having seen the depravity and poverty in Ethiopia where Ellie's life began, I'm more determined than ever to not let the little things slip by without notice. For that matter, I don't want to let the big things pass me by either. God has given me too much to ever take for granted a single moment here on earth.

Scripture tells us that "God sets the lonely in families..." (psalm 68:6). We are seeing that lived out in our home. There is no doubt that God set Ellie right here with us, and we are so thankful for His plan. So many people have said to us that we are a blessing to her. I would argue (again) that she is the blessing to us! I learn more every day about God's greatness in watching her story unfold.

So, go hug your kids, kiss your spouse, and write that long-overdue letter. But before you do that, get on your knees and thank the Lord for His mercy and Grace upon you, and for the gifts He gives freely every day.

Daddies and Daughters...

One thing I love most about Jeff is how involved he is with our kids. He has never been a dad that sits on the sidelines.. no way! It's one of the things I admire most about him...Both Ellie and Bryan will always know that their Daddy loved them so much that he was always learning new things about them and for them. Here's just one example of that... ENJOY~

When Did This Happen?

Today, my little boy went to high school.

Okay, so he's not so little anymore. He's a young man now, I know. But in my heart, he'll always be my little boy. Today, he got up and got dressed (no more uniforms- WOO HOO!) and walked out the door into a whole new era of his life. I sat in the kitchen and cried.

I'm not crying because I don't want him to grow up. I'm proud of the man he is becoming. I wouldn't hold him back for anything; God has too much in store for him to have anyone trying to hold him down! I was crying because I'm honored to be the mom of this incredible young man.

Bryan,
This morning, you started a new chapter in life. I know it must have been a little intimidating to walk into that new school (even if it's too uncool to admit it!). I know it must have been frustrating to be at the "bottom of the totem pole" again in school. But to look at you, you never would have guessed it. You were excited. You were handsome. And I knew you were ready.

I've known for a while now that you were ready for high school. I've watched you mature in leaps and bounds in the past few months. I've watched as you grew hair you didn't have before, listened as your voice deepened, and sat in awe as you started to make decisions based on the needs of others. When I say that I'm honored to be your mom, I mean it with all my heart. You bless me every day, just by being you.

You've always had something special about you. You can change the feel of a room just by walking in. You have a gift of putting people at ease with your smile and your conversation. You are hilarious without trying, sincere without effort (it's just natural with you), and you are genuine in all you do. I love that you have your own unique style about you. I love that you are not afraid to be different.

I prayed today what I have prayed for you the past several years "For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more that all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within you, to Him be glory in the church and in Jesus Christ throughout all generations".

I pray that as you encounter new people and new ideas today and throughout this year, that you will be grounded in the TRUTH of Jesus Christ. I pray that His light will shine through you. I pray that you are strong when others are weak, that you are rooted and established when others are falling in the sand. I pray that you are courageous when others may be afraid. I pray that you are secure in knowing that I love you today and always.. just as you are. You are all that I could have ever dreamed of. You are my son.

Have a great year, Bryan! Make every day count.

I love you,
Mom