Orphan Awareness Month

Unicef recently stated that there are now an estimated 163 million orphans in the world today. You read that right.

163 MILLION CHILDREN

While we sit in our nice warm homes with full pantries and closets full of clothes we never wear, there are 163 million children out there doing without.

Without families.
Without shelter.
Without food.
Without clothes.
Without security.
Without safety.
Without hope.

So, while we sit and wonder if we should help them, do you know what is happening to them?

They are searching through garbage for food.
They are waiting. Alone.
They are wandering the dangerous streets of cities.
They are forced into labor in order to eat.
They are forced into the sex trade.
They are beaten.
They are belittled.
They hide in the bushes while wild dogs threaten to eat them.

This is the reality of so many in our world, and we MUST make people aware. I was once unaware too. Then God brought a tiny little girl named Kedest into our world, and she changed me. She has taught me.

She has told me some of the stories I listed above.

Someone said to me recently "I'm so glad that there are good orphanages out there for these kids". Let me tell you this: Living in an orphanage is not the same as being in a family! I'm forever grateful for the love and care our Ellie Kedest was given in her orphanage. I know without a doubt that they saved her life physically. But she was still in need; SHE NEEDED A FAMILY.

ALL CHILDREN NEED A FAMILY.

The journey of adoption is not easy. Really, is there anything in life of worth that is? What I know is this. In the past year, I've watched God redeem my daughter's life. I've watched Him pour life into her little body. I've watched Him grow her- physically, emotionally and spiritually. I've watched Him speak peace into her heart. I've watched as He used someone as unworthy as me to make a difference in her life. But really, SHE has made a difference in me more than I could have ever imagined. She is the perfect picture of His redemption. I'm reminded of this passage of scripture that says "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; You are mine"(Isaiah 43:1b).

Could it be that He is calling You to adopt as well?

NOTE: I know that not everyone is called to open their homes and bring a child in. But as followers of Christ, we ARE all called to help the orphan. James 1:27 tell us "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."

What are you doing to follow God's command to take care of the orphans?

Consider one of these opportunities.
http://www.compassion.com/
http://celebratechildren.org/
http://www.princeofpeacegt.com/index.html
http://www.sunrise.org/com


Until they are all home...

Gotcha Day~

then...














now...




I can hardly believe it's been a year since I first held my baby girl! On one hand, it feels as if I blinked, and the time was gone. On the other hand, I look at the progress she has made in a year, and I'm astonished that she could learn so much in just 12 months.

Last year, on this night, I was sitting in a little guest house room in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, staring across the room at this beautiful and TINY stranger who was my daughter. I felt awe and wonder and fear and confusion all at once.

Tonight, I have conflicting emotions again. On one hand, I feel utter gratitude. Earlier, I stood for a moment and stared at this little girl that I now know inside and out and thanked God for the gift of her in our lives. I can't explain how I've been changed in the past year. People tell us all the time what a wonderful thing we've done for Ellie. The truth is that SHE is the one who has done something for us. It's not unlike the changes I went through when Bryan first came into this world. He changed so much about who I am. Ellie has been no different, for sure. I'm not the same person I was on August 9th, 2009.

On the other hand, I sit here tonight feeling complete thankfulness and some sadness for Ellie's birth mother, Tigist. I wish I could sit and have a cup of coffee with her and tell her that her baby girl is fine now. I wish I could show her that she is no longer too thin, that she has plenty to eat and clean water to drink. I wish that she could have heard Ellie singing "How Great is Our God" today on the way home or watched her dance around the table in her tutu tonight before bed. I wish she could hear Ellie say, "I love you mom" to her. She must wonder about her; I know she loves her. I could see it in her eyes one year ago today when I had the privilege of meeting her. I wish that I could tell her all of the funny things that Ellie does. I wish I knew if Ellie cocked her head to the side when she was thinking hard because that what Tigist does.


Ellie knows the story of her birth mom, at least what she can understand for now. She looks at her picture and smiles brightly, exclaiming "that's my other mommy!". I love that! There is no jealousy at all in me when she asks about her. I'm forever indebted to this beautiful lady across the world, and I'm thrilled to teach Ellie about the beautiful sacrifice she made out of love.

Lest anyone gets the wrong idea, today was certainly not a sad day in our home! We let Ellie pick the place for dinner (McDonald's of course!), then came home to have a tea party with the cupcakes Ellie made last night. She also had a celebration with her friends at daycare as she took them cupcakes too! There were balloons (her favorite) and a new tutu for a present! We celebrate that she is home with us forever! We celebrate that her story is the story of what God does for all of us when He redeems us and brings us into His family.
Thank you Abba, for adopting me as your daughter. Thank you for using our journey to bring Ellie home and this precious year with her, to remind me every day of your unimaginable love for all of us. Thank you that your plan is to never leave any child alone, that you desire to set the orphan in families. Thank you for choosing us, for choosing me, and for letting me rejoice in the gift of this sweet sweet family you've given to me.



Happy Gotcha Day Ellie! I'm so glad you're my girl! We love you... forever and ever and ever.

Happy Daughter Day!

One year ago...
~ you were an orphan

~you had no clothes of your own

~your name was Kedest X

~ you were unsure of your next meal

~ you didn't know how to play with friends

~ your eyes were filled with uncertainty

~ you had no idea how awesome a big brother could be

~ you were waiting for Mommy & Daddy

Today...
~ you are an orphan NO MORE

~ your favorite thing is to choose which dress and shoes you'll wear for the day

~ your name is Ellie Kedest Prosser, meaning "shining light" (Ellie) and "holy" (Kedest)

~ you love to eat, and you are learning to trust there will always be plenty for you

~ you spend your days with friends, laughing and having fun.. like a little girl should!

~ your eyes are filled with wonder and excitement

~ you think your big brother hung the moon~

~ you have a Mommy & Daddy at your side always and forever

On July 2, 2009, the Ethiopian courts declared that Kedest X was ours. She has had 365 days of being Ellie Kedest Prosser, and we've had that long of calling her ours. It's a beautiful thing, and we can't say thanks to the Lord enough for entrusting her to us. We have had 365 days of being oh so grateful for the sacrificial love of Ellie's birth mother, Tigist, whom we will forever love and cherish. My heart has been torn for 365 days with the love of this precious girl and the knowing that her birth mom will never have the joy of knowing her like I do. I am simply not worthy of this gift.

So, on this day, we give thanks to the Father of all, who created this child and formed her in her birth mother's womb, then lovingly placed her in our arms. Praise be to God alone!


Psalm 68:6- God sets the lonely in families.

Becoming Radical

I've wanted to write this post for a while, but there was a part of me that wanted to hide it because I felt some shame about it. I hope you'll get that as you read. Just know that I've spent hours in prayer about what I want to say here, and I hope that you'll hear my heart. More importantly, I hope you'll hear my Father's heart.

We brought Ellie home 10 months ago. We actually met her 10 months ago today. My life has not been the same since. Before meeting her face to face, God was already changing me from the inside out. But seeing her face to face, and holding her tiny body in my arms did something I can't explain. It was very much like what He did in me when I held Bryan for the first time.

Many people have asked me over the past 10 months if I can imagine life without Ellie here. For a long time, I felt ashamed to say "yes". But if I tell the truth, I CAN still imagine life without her here. I didn't say that I liked what I imagined, but perhaps not for the reasons you think. Most people ask that, thinking that my answers will be all about me not being with her, me not having her to hold, me not having the little girl I've always wanted.

I don't like to imagine life without Ellie here because I wonder if she would still be sitting in that orphanage too scared to talk, not playing, not singing, just existing. I wonder if she'd still be living, carrying the five parasites and perhaps even more by now in her already-too-thin body. I wonder if she'd feel the despair of loneliness or if she'd be able to recognize that is what she was feeling. I wonder if she'd still be battling the memories of her past alone, or if she would ever find someone there in Ethiopia that she trusted enough to tell her story to. I wonder if her eyes would still be deep and endless with uncertainty like we saw in so many pictures of her.

I wonder.

Yes, I do wonder what I would do without having to pick up hundreds of hair beads every day that the cat loves to play with. I do wonder what I ever did with all of my spare time before she was with us. I wonder what I did with all of this extra love that was inside of me. I wonder what it would be like to still ask for a table for 3. But all of those latter "wonderings" are just selfish- all about me and my desires. And well, I don't want to be a selfish person anymore. Period.

Some have been surprised by my answer of "yes, I can imagine not having her here". For a long time, I simply said "no, I can't" and left it at that. But that wasn't true. I have tried to explain it to people, but I have failed miserably, leaving them thinking that I haven't bonded with Ellie or that I don't love her.

To be honest, I have felt like I haven't bonded with her, and I've even shamed myself at times into thinking that there was something wrong with me because of how I've felt. I mean, what kind of mom says that they can imagine not having their child??? What in the heck is wrong with me, right??????

I promise this is going somewhere... stick with me.

I've been listening to a sermon series by David Platt called the Radical series. I highly recommend it. One of the scripture passages that I've been studying along with him is from Luke 14:25-35. In verse 26, Jesus says "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sister- yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple". Folks, that is RADICAL talk!! HATE our parents, our children, ourselves??

This seems contradictory to what the Bible says in other places, when it tells us to Love one another. And for the record, No... God does not want us to hate our family. But.... When that love for others in our lives is compared to our love for God, it should be so much less that it looks like hate.

And so, I get (finally) to my point.

When Bryan was 3, we learned that we could not have other children. In fact, we lost 4 to miscarriage. I was heartbroken, to say the least. But instead of leaning on God, I leaned on Bryan. It was wrong, and I have confessed that. I'm telling you that I worshipped that child, not God. I told myself that if I could only have Bryan as a child, then he was going to have everything from me, and he did. I didn't necessarily give in and buy everything for him, but he got the best of me and my time- over Jeff, over family, over work, and yes, over God. And it was wrong. Dead wrong.

God has revealed to me that I am learning, and I an changing. I am finally at a place where God is indeed GOD alone. Jeff is not in that place. Bryan is not. And Ellie is not either. My feelings for her are deep and beautiful and full of love that I never knew I could feel. Yet, I do not worship her. I've been feeling as if I were messed up because I wasn't feeling for her like I felt for Bryan at that age. But the truth is that I didn't need to feel for her what I felt for him then. That was wrong, and I'm trying so hard to be a follower of Jesus, not the world. I'm becoming radical. It started when we said "yes" to God's call to adopt, and yet it reaches far beyond Ellie into the very depths of who I am, who I was made to be in Christ.

I hope that when people think of me, they think "now there's a girl that loves her husband and her children". But mostly, I hope that they think, "Now there is a girl that loves her Lord, Radically".

How about you?? Are you radical too?

40 Days of Prayer for the Orphan!!

Please join me in this wonderful movement, as we go to the throne on behalf of the 147 million orphans in our world. Click on the link for a prayer guide for the 40 days.

My heart is passionate about the orphan, not because of Ellie, but because the Word of God tells me it should be. I pray that yours is too!

The Pain of Parenting...

Last weekend, we took our first family trip out of town (other than to visit family) since Ellie has come home. It was her first time in a hotel since being home with us. She was excited at first about sleeping there. She thought it was "awesome" that we were all going to sleep in the same room. She had worn herself out during the day, so she went to sleep before we ever finished singing our goodnight song.

When Ellie woke up, Jeff had gone out for a run, and Bryan was still asleep. The room was still dark, thanks to the wonder of darkening shades! Ellie popped her head up by my bed, and said "Good morning!", just like she would any day at home. She climbed up in bed beside me, but instead of hugging me, she just started sobbing.

My first thought was that she was scared because we were not at home. She kept repeating that she was "so sad", but every time I asked her why, she only responded "I can't say it!". I held her and held her while she sobbed. I cried along with her, whispered to her that I loved her. When she was finally calm enough to talk, she said "Mommy, we don't have any food here. We can't eat".

That sweet baby girl thought that we were not going to eat all day because there was no food in our hotel room. I immediately explained to her that we were going to breakfast as soon as Jeff got back. I have never gotten ready so fast in my life! Ellie cried until the pancakes she ordered were placed in front of her and cut up, then proceeded to gorge herself by eating every bite on her plate (more than I ate even!)

It struck me as I watched her stuff herself that she wasn't sure that she would eat again that day. She was making sure that she had enough in her to last a good long time just in case there was no more. She has been with us for 8 months, and yet, she still does not expect from us that we will feed her AT LEAST three times a day, every day. It is instilled deep within her that she should not expect it.

My heart was broken, not only at the thought of what horrors had she lived through to come to that place, but also at the fact that there is so much of her life that I had no part of, that I could not protect. There is a part of her life that was hurtful, and I don't know what all is there yet. There are deep wounds in her life, and I could not stop them from happening. My "momma instincts" say that I should have protected her, fed her, kept her from all hurt.

But I couldn't. She had to endure the hurt of her birth mom making a plan for her adoption, a plan that for Ellie included some time in the care of other family members who hurt her, time in places where she had no food for who knows how long. It was a plan done out of a love that I cannot fathom, if truth be told. I have such great admiration and love for Ellie's birth mother. I believe with all of my heart that her birth mom loves her completely, and that her acts were the most unselfish thing I've ever witnessed. But they still hurt.

And then I read this: "From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?', which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:45-46)

Jesus felt abandoned, alone, fearful even when he was about to die on that cross. I'm sure in his humanness, he had to wonder "why?". Maybe he was thinking "How is this going to work for good?". Yet, God, in His infinite wisdom, was working a plan. He willingly let Jesus go through that hurt, knowing that in the end, Jesus would sit at His right hand, with his Father. He would never hurt again. He would be HOME.

And as I read that, I realized that Ellie's journey is just beginning. She has walked a road of courage WAY beyond her years, Grace that is beyond my imagination, determination and strength that could only be of the Lord. She has survived, only by the Grace of God. And I believe in my heart that God wanted me to see that He understood my pain at not having been there to stop her hurt. Because He didn't stop Jesus' hurt either.

I believe that His ways are perfect. I believe that He has a purpose and a plan to prosper Ellie (Jeremiah 29:11), just as He does all of us. I believe that He wants me to celebrate each and every moment with her, even the ones where she is afraid, sad or confused.

Especially those moments. For now, I AM here to comfort her.


Oh God, thank you for speaking so clearly to me and for letting me know you understand my momma's heart. You are a parent too, God. Thank you for having a heart that breaks at your Son's pain and death on the cross, but also for your adopted sons and daughters who try to do life without you every day. Thank you for listening and teaching when things don't make sense to me. Thank you for reminding me that you love me deeply, that you love my children deeply, more than I could ever begin to understand. Thank you for protecting Ellie from whatever could have come her way. Thank you for instilling within her the spunk and grit to make it through. Thank you for allowing her to be a little girl now, to not have to fend for herself anymore. Help her to realize that she is safe here, that she will always be fed here. Remind her that she is at Home now. Thank you for blessing me with this amazing family that I could never deserve. You are awesome and mighty, and I praise you Lord. Amen

Happy anniversary

6 months ago this past Tuesday, I held my baby girl in my arms for the first time. After years of praying for her, I finally had my hands on her. The feeling was incredible, and words here will never describe it.

Some have asked how our lives have changed in the past 6 months. Well, here are but a few ways:

1. We have to ask for a table of 4 now (I still love the sound of that!)
2. Our house is filled with pink.
3. Baby dolls and their clothes frequently find their way all over the house
4. The sight of a tutu makes me smile.
5. I've learned the characters of Dora the Explorer
6. I sing "Magdalena Hagdalena" and "Ida May" every day.. at least twice each
7. Someone wants me to sing to them every night again (love it!)
8. I get kisses from one more person every day.. many times
9. Whining has returned to the Prosser household (we're working on that one)
10. Hair beads are the cat's favorite toy
11. I find myself gravitating to the little girl's department in every store I go to.
12. Date night is harder to come by, but twice as enjoyable!
13. Childcare is back in the budget
14. Pull ups are back in the budget
15. Goldfish are back in the budget
16. I've become a hairbow snob.. I am very picky about the ones I like!
17. Prayer time at the dinner table is long as Ellie prays for all of her friends at each meal.
18. There is a feeling of contentment in our home, that we are complete.
19. There is never silent moment in our home (really funny since we were told at one point that she was nonverbal)
20. Our hearts are full of love and peace as God has made it clear that she was the perfect child for our family!
21. Bryan shares his parents (and does so with much grace, I must say!)
22. Jeff has learned to do hair.
23. Laundry has increased exponentially (girls really do wear a lot of clothes!)
24. Tights are a source of great joy.
25. Anything that glitters is good.
26. Our eyes are opened to the poverty around the world.
27. We have a burning desire to help put clean water around the globe.
28. Sharing our story is vital to our survival now. we HAVE to tell what God has done.
29. We dance every day.
30. I have a keen awareness that there is still more for us that God has in store.

Ellie, Happy 6 month Anniversary with our family! We love you dearly.
Bryan, Happy 6 month Anniversary as a big brother. You are ROCKING your role! I'm so proud of who you are and the brother you are to Ellie.
Jeff, Happy 6 month anniversary on being a dad to a daughter. You are so tender and sweet with her!!

Ellie has learned so much in the past 6 months. It's amazing to think that just 6 months ago, she knew no English. Now, she is fluent, can count to 15, knows her letters, can write her name, and is starting to work on her colors! God amazes me more and more every day through my children! What a blessing to be their mom!

I love my family!

Giving Thanks....

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving as we always do, surrounded by family and feasting on enough food to last a month. And all over the world there are children, moms, dads, uncles, aunts, cousins, daughters, sons, and friends who ate nothing. I remember last year wondering what my little girl was eating, if anything, for Thanksgiving. I wondered if she had anything to be thankful for at all. This year, I've witnessed, yet again, the power of God Almighty, as Ellie was hugged and kissed in person by her extended family. I watched her eyes get bigger and bigger as we put more and more on her plate. I loved watching her try foods for the first time (she does not like broccoli casserole, but she loved the corn pudding!)I was in tears just having a front row seat to watch her experience the newness.

Yesterday we got to watch her experience yet another new thing: We put up the Christmas decorations! I don't know if Ellie has ever seen a Christmas tree before, besides what she has seen in the department stores. In fact, when our tree was lit up, she looked at me and said "Oh, it's beautiful like Kohls!". Sweet girl...

I wish I could put into words what it means to be able to watch her experience these things for the first time. Last night, she was running through the house, yelling over and over how beautiful everything looked and how much she loved snowmen. Bryan said "Mom, make her stop! She's driving me nuts!". But then we realized that we've had this to experience our entire lives, and for her, this is all new. It puts things in perspective when you look at it like that.

I held Ellie in my lap and showed her the nativity scene, explaining who the people were. She is in awe that the wise men brought gifts, wondering where the balloons were (I'm sure Baby Jesus would have loved balloons too!). She kept saying "that's so nice of them!". And I just cried (I do that a lot lately!)


Oh God, thank you for the gift of my two beautiful children. Thank you for the gift of hearing their laughter and their cries, for it means that I know they are experiencing life in its fullness. Thank you for the gift of being able to watch Ellie's face light up in wonder as she saw the lights and decorations here for the first time. Thank you for her innocence. Thank you for Bryan and his patience with her. Thank you that we have plenty to eat, that's never a worry Ellie has to have again. Thank you that we have clean water to drink, that we can live parasite-free. Thank you for my husband who is my dream come true. I'm so grateful that we can share this life together. Thank you for Who you are, for the miracles we see DAILY because our Hope is in You, Lord.

Bringing Ellie Home: the video

Here's a great video Jeff put together of moments from our trip to Ethiopia. Get your Kleenex and enjoy the show....

How Deep the Father's Love for Us...

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

We sang this song in church on Sunday, and it has resonated with me since then. I was overwhelmed as I sang these words at the sacrifice that God made... for me! But the one thought that echoes over and over in my mind is that this is how God has worked out my adoption. I am adopted too. Did you hear that? I am adopted by the Father of the Universe, the Creator of all that is and is to come, the Alpha and Omega. He's my Abba, my Daddy. He has adopted me into his family.

Scripture says that "In love, He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will" (Ephesians 1:5) And it was the sacrifice of Jesus that made this possible.

Our adoption journey to bring Ellie home has taught me so much about what God has done for me. His love is deep- so much deeper than I can imagine or dream of. I am so thankful that my family is also adopted. We have a personal relationship with Christ that gives us hope and assurance and security. Oh, how I pray that one day Ellie is adopted again... this time to His eternal family. THAT will be a day of celebration!

2009 riddle....

What's 32 inches, 22 pounds and has the most beautiful smile imaginable?

Our little girl!

This is the post I have waited to write for so long!! We know who she is!
Yes, you heard me correctly.. we KNOW WHO SHE IS!

I am trembling as I write these words. It's not that I am cold or scared. I am truly in awe of God and how He hears us. You see, if you look back at this blog throughout the year (and if you have talked to Jeff or I at all this year), you will see a consistent theme to our prayers. We have prayed diligently, along with our family and friends, to know who it is that God has designed for our family, to be our daughter. Specifically though, we asked that He show us her by the end of the year.

This is where it starts to get really good...

On December 20th, I got online to check some emails, and like I always do, I looked at the website for our adoption agency to see if there were any new girls listed. I didn't really expect it, but it's become a routine to me. Anyway, much to my surprise there was a new little face smiling at me there. There was no more information, so I emailed our director asking for some specifics and thinking she would get back with me in a few days (it was a Saturday after all!) Sue, our director, emailed me back immediately asking if she could call me.

She called me minutes later and told me about this little girl... as much as she knew at that time. There wasn't a lot of information known, if truth be told, but what we learned was sad and exciting all at once. I shared all of this with Jeff while Sue emailed us more pictures of this girl. We felt a connection immediately. Precious doesn't begin to describe her! We were told that a video of her would be sent to us to view, but also we were told that another couple was considering her for adoption as well. We began to pray, along with many others.

On December 22nd, we learned that the other family had decided to wait for an infant girl, as they had originally planned.

On December 27th, we received a DVD of this little girl in the mail. I was a nervous wreck as we began to watch it! We were able to see her playing with a ball, and it was such a blessing to see her healthy and with all of her developmental skills as they should be. We wept as we watched her take the hand of the nanny and walk outside. Wow... what else can I say?

Jeff and I decided that we would not make any decision until the medical evaluation was complete. On December 30th, we received word that she had been evaluated and that there were no medical concerns. We knew that she was the one for us. God had indeed answered our prayers faithfully... and just when we had asked (by the end of the year). For good measure, He also gave us a bonus... our dossier was returned to us on December 31st, authenticated and sealed by the US Department of State and the Ethiopian Embassy in Washington DC!

Today, we received the complete medical evaluation, and it has only made us more and more certain that this child is truly meant to be ours. We feel a tremendous connection with her, and we want to rescue her from where she is currently living. Please pray for her as she deals with severe malnutrition (and little hope of having that improved in her current placement), some minor and common illnesses (we are talking about a third world country), and mostly for her emotional well-being. All reports indicate that she is a very scared and sad little girl. Who wouldn't be? She's experienced a great deal of hurt and loss in her life, so we see this as a normal response. We are fully aware of the extra time she will need to trust us once she is home with us. She hasn't exactly had a lot of reason to trust people in her life.

We trust that God has held her protectively and lovingly in His hands throughout her life. And we trust that He has brought us to her, shown us her face and overwhelmed us with a love for her that is amazing. We trust that His love is ever-healing, and that she will eventually blossom and flourish in our home.

"Now to Him who is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Eph. 3:20)