Monday, October 19, 2009
People ask all the time how things are going with Ellie. I always answer the same way.. it's going great. And overall, it is. She's learning so much, so quickly. It's really quite amazing to watch! but it's not all easy, and if truth be told, there are times that it's just downright hard to handle! The emotions, the unknowns, the language barriers.. it's all hard sometimes. It's worth it, no doubt! but it's still hard!
Tonight while giving Ellie a bath, I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotions. I won't share all of the details because that's her story and I'm not gonna share it here. But I will tell you that Ellie told me about a horrible experience in her life tonight, in as much detail as she can in her part English-part Amharic, two year old vocabulary.
Initially I was angry. I called Jeff in and she told him the same story. We know it's true. We've known about it for a while. But she has never said it herself to us until now. We were both overcome with feelings of wanting to hurt someone, to take revenge. I wanted to lash out at someone at the injustice that has happened in her short little life.
But the other part of me was grateful. Tonight was proof that we are making progress in our bonding. Ellie trusts us enough to not only be goofy and silly and sing fun songs with us. She trusts us enough to share her hurts. That's what family is all about! Isn't that we all long for with our children- for them to be comfortable enough with us to tell us everything? That's exactly what happened here tonight.. right in my jacuzzi tub with soap suds all over her fuzzy little head.
Tonight's conversation also made me see once more just how much I love this little girl. No, I didn't give birth to her like you normally think of mothers and babies. But I gave birth to her in my heart, and tonight that bond was solidified even further, as she entrusted to me what is likely her biggest hurt in life. She didn't want me to fix it; it's already fixed. She just wanted me to know. And as I picked her up out of that tub, she put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheeks so sweetly (she kisses both of them, always!).
For a moment, time stood still. There was no hurt, no worries, no unknowns in her past, no uncertainties. There was just a mommy and her little girl, sharing a sudsy kiss. It was just the way God intended it to be. It was pure, peaceful.
It was perfect.
Thank you Lord, for the gift of my daughter.. my sweet little girl.