Saturday, December 31, 2011

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
(Beautiful Things, Gungor)

If I had to put the year 2011 in a song, this would be it. This year has brought joy immeasurable and so much pain that I felt I couldn't take a breath. And in the midst, there was God.





In this year, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about spiritual warfare. But I also learned and experienced more than I ever fathomed the Presence of Jesus, my comforter. Here I am, on the cusp of a new year, and I feel a bit like Mary, holding these things in my heart and pondering the goodness of God. But I'd be remiss if I didn't testify to the faithfulness of my Savior.

In this year, a battle raged for our son. Satan thought he had won, and if truth be told, there were moments that I believed it too. It was a hard time, for lack of a better description. I cried until the tears would come no more. I hurt. I felt like my heart had been ripped from within me. The bleakest days of my life were during that time. Jeff and I spent a week at home, mourning the decisions that Bryan had made that caused him to be placed outside of this home. And in that moment of him leaving here, the lies came flying into my mind: "You weren't good enough, or he wouldn't be struggling like this". I wanted to believe it. To blame myself seemed better than admitting that my son had made decisions that went against everything this family believes in. But that's not the end of the story.

I can't tell you how beautiful redemption is when you witness it in your child. Jeff and I often say how incredible it is to have our son back. It's not been easy, but he's home and he smiles again. God is speaking to him, and he is learning to listen again. God is daily redeeming him and using his story. You see, what was meant to harm him, God intended for good, and we see the good coming from that time. We've hugged more, laughed more, cried more, prayed more in the past few months than I can ever remember. It's beautiful, and I feel more proud of him than I can describe here.

A few weeks ago, our sweet Ellie asked Jesus to come into her heart. We've witnessed her redemption too. It's been three years this week since we said "yes" to adopting her, and the transformation in her life is unbelievable. She has literally come to life before our very eyes, and we are so thankful for her!

I have no idea what 2012 has in store. I'm sure there will be days of incredible joy, and I'm sure there will be days where my heart will feel torn apart. If I've learned anything in this year, it's that my feelings cannot be trusted. They change like the wind. But God- oh my, He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He hands out HOPE in abundance, and my cup surely is overflowing with it. I can't wait to see what 2012 holds- all of it. For nothing comes to me that He is unaware or unprepared for.

How about you? What did God teach you this year?


Jo Ann said...

God has shown me what a faithful family I have. I have seen tears of sadness ... and tears of joy ... coming from heartbreak and then from anwered prayers. I have seen God working in the lives of our children and our grandchildren and I praise HIM for that! I have felt HIS presence and HIS grace and mercy throughout this year as I have shed tears of sadness and happiness! I love you and Jeff for being the parents that you are to our precious Bryan and Ellie...and I love Chris and Shelly for being the same kind of parents to our precious Kristin. May God grant all of you the love and peace that only HE can give. Happy New Year from Mom and Dad

Kimmie said...

So glad you have had God's faithfulness surrounding and leading you.

I've learned that I still have a way lot to learn. humbling really. most of it pertains to parenting and doing it with joy instead of frustration or anger.

mama to 8
one homemade and 7 adopted

Bird's Words said...

Kimmie, I always have more to learn. I have been praying for you in this season of your parenting. May God mold you more and more every day. Your children will rise and call you blessed one day. I believe that wholeheartedly.
Love you!

jules said...

That was an awesome word!!!You trained your son in the way that he should go and that never left him although he physically left. God's word is forever. He is a good God and a loving Father. I am excited for what is to come in 2012. It is our time to shine and walk in the promises of God. He is adding his super to our natural. We are about to show out!! I love being a daughter of the Most High and proud to be a christian.