Sunday, August 10, 2008


What do you do when you come to a dead end? Do you turn around and go back the way you came? Or do you try to make your own path? Or do you just lay down and quit, ready to stay in that same spot forever? These are the questions I find myself asking these days. You see, we have come to what appears to be a dead end in our adoption journey. On Friday we received "the call" from our agency that told us we would not be bringing Ellie home. Period.

To say that we are heartbroken doesn't even come close to describing the pain we feel right now. We are sad. We are questioning. We are confused. We are angry. We are tired.

But we still believe in God's power.

Today, I wanted to be anywhere at all except in church. Honestly, it wasn't because I am angry with God. I am not. I am just hurting, and it seems that I always cry the most in church (why is that, by the way?). I just wanted to stay home and cry by myself. Yet, my brothers and sisters in Christ strengthened me. As Jeff and I knelt at the altar, friends gathered around us to pray for us, and I felt strengthened. That's powerful, folks!

We have been given the option of stopping now, waiting until Vietnam opens again for referrals (could be years from now in all honesty), or switching to another country. And we don't know what to do. We never had a "Plan B". We trusted that God led us in this direction, and we put all of our eggs in one basket.

Today, I spent a lot of time in prayer about all of this... what we should do, where to go, how I feel, where is God in all of this.. all of that stuff. And He repeatedly brought to mind verses about standing still. I told Him that I felt like we were at a dead end, and God brought to mind the story of Moses when he led the Israelites out of Egypt. They were finally freed from slavery, and then they came to what was seemingly a dead end... the Red Sea. The Israelites, freshly freed from captivity, whined and said "Didn't we tell you to leave us alone while we were still in Egypt? Our slavery was far better than dying out here in the wilderness". (Seriously??)

Scripture goes on to say
"But Moses told the people, 'Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you'".

As God brought that story back to my mind today, I knew that He was telling us to "stand still" and let Him fight for us. That's not easy. I am human; I prefer to know exactly how things are going to work out. But scripture also says that God's ways are not our ways, and if I really trust Him, I will let go of the need to work things out myself.

I want my little girl home. I believe that Ellie is waiting for us to come get her from wherever she may be. I believe that God brought us this far, and I believe that He is faithful to finish what He started. Please pray for us. We need some strength and encouragement right about now.

Thanks so much... we love ya'll.

10 comments:

v.curry said...

Holly,

I can't imagine the pain, emotional trauma you, Jeff, and Bryan are experiencing. I can only say that your strengh, your courage and your testimony here, keep me inspired, help me, and I believe it will truly be as you state....only that there is no ''dead end'' but just a temporary stand-still here.
I want to share that friends of ours in Elizabethtown have been trying for over 4 years for their child to come home. They came home with Bella a week ago last Friday from Guatamala. She is fine, adjusting to her adoring parents, grand-parents and church family. Not quite 8 months old, she has experienced more than any person should, but God brought her to her family and he will bring Ellie to hers. I firmly believe that!

Love you all always!
Vicki

Mrs. Allroro said...

What a powerful word you received from God. What a comfort it must have been to know he heard your prayer and answered it so perfectly and so soon today. I don't know how long it will take, but I do know that it will be possible for you to wait on God, with God (though I don't know how anybody would be able to wait on an international adoption process!). He cares about your family and will see his plan through in his perfect timing.

Jo Ann said...

I was reading in Psalm 145 today, "The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down." We are thankful that you and Jeff know that He is in control and He isn't finished yet and He will lift you up again. Hold fast to Him and He will direct your path! We love you and we want our little girl to come home too.....Mom and Dad

Lydia said...

We are praying for you. Cora again petitioned tonight "Pwease bing Ellie home soon." I know at her young age that she has no idea who Ellie is nor does she understand why we pray for her. But I believe she knows who Jesus is and that He hears our prayers. She's seen several prayers answered this summer and I can't help but think she understands a little bit of what is going on. So, we continue to pray for you and we continue to teach her to pray for you. And we can't wait for the day to introduce our girl to your girl. I love you, Holly! Keep holding on!

Widney Woman said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know what you are feeling.

My husband and I adopted our first child and the process was lightening fast - less than 3 months from the date we turned in our application! When it came to our second child, it was a full year of high highs and low lows.

I remember having our heart set on one little boy in particular. When that fell through, I was crushed. I blamed myself. I couldn't stop crying. My husband had it more together because he realized this was not our baby.

For almost 2 years, I saw that little boy every couple of months. He really is not our baby. I know he is with the adoptive parents God had for him. We did end up getting the little girl God had for us.

Right now, it doesn't feel good. But know that God has Ellie in the palm of His hand and He will take care of her. Whether she is your child or someone else's.

In terms of your Plan B, this is a Christian based agency located stateside. The agency has been operating for 25 years. Their fees are a fraction of the cost of anyone else's fees because they have a team of dedicated volunteers who keep overhead low so all the money goes back into helping the young women and babies. www.crisispregnancyoutreach.org

If you click on this link, and scroll down to the Dead Dreams article, you will read a little of our story and see our first child. It has given others hope and hopefully, it will help you now.
http://www.crisispregnancyoutreach.org/pdf/Summer2003.pdf

I wish you all the very best on your journey to complete your family.

Widney Woman said...

Sorry my post was so long. I think the link for the newsletter may have been cut off. If you go to the website address I gave you for the agency, go to Newsletters (under Pregnant? and under Want to Adopt?). It is Summer 2003. The Dead Dreams article is not very long. Praying for you!

Oh, and I'm not saying this should be your plan b. Just something to consider.

MrsKristinClark said...

My thoughts are with you, and I am believing along side you that God is greater then this problem. God is greater then all of out problems!

Something else to keep in your mind is that God gives us no challenge great then we can face. Just as your thoughts of Moses, God knew what he was challenging them with and wanted their faithfulness to bring them through.

You have my hopes for your heart =)

Abby said...

I read your comment over at Heather's blog. I'm SO sorry. I don't know you, but I wish I could hug you and cry with you (unless you are a non hugging person-then it would just be akward,lol).

We hope to adopt from Ethiopia, but due to personal circumstances, things are not moving forward right now.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Abby

PS...I totally cry more at church than anywhere else.

CHRISTY said...

Holly,
I am so very sorry! I can't imagine how very discouraged and confused you and your family must be right now!
How wonderful that God is using his word to assure you of his faithfulness. I will be praying for peace, for clarity, and for God to constantly remind you that he is still on his throne and that he was not taken by surprise about this turn of events.
I look forward to seeing how he will unfold your story in the coming months. We love you! The Campbells

Randa said...

holly,
i wanted you to know that i'm thinkin about ya'll and praying for you. you just keep standing on God's word and believing what you know He has promised! i love you!!!