Sunday, August 10, 2008
What do you do when you come to a dead end? Do you turn around and go back the way you came? Or do you try to make your own path? Or do you just lay down and quit, ready to stay in that same spot forever? These are the questions I find myself asking these days. You see, we have come to what appears to be a dead end in our adoption journey. On Friday we received "the call" from our agency that told us we would not be bringing Ellie home. Period.
To say that we are heartbroken doesn't even come close to describing the pain we feel right now. We are sad. We are questioning. We are confused. We are angry. We are tired.
But we still believe in God's power.
Today, I wanted to be anywhere at all except in church. Honestly, it wasn't because I am angry with God. I am not. I am just hurting, and it seems that I always cry the most in church (why is that, by the way?). I just wanted to stay home and cry by myself. Yet, my brothers and sisters in Christ strengthened me. As Jeff and I knelt at the altar, friends gathered around us to pray for us, and I felt strengthened. That's powerful, folks!
We have been given the option of stopping now, waiting until Vietnam opens again for referrals (could be years from now in all honesty), or switching to another country. And we don't know what to do. We never had a "Plan B". We trusted that God led us in this direction, and we put all of our eggs in one basket.
Today, I spent a lot of time in prayer about all of this... what we should do, where to go, how I feel, where is God in all of this.. all of that stuff. And He repeatedly brought to mind verses about standing still. I told Him that I felt like we were at a dead end, and God brought to mind the story of Moses when he led the Israelites out of Egypt. They were finally freed from slavery, and then they came to what was seemingly a dead end... the Red Sea. The Israelites, freshly freed from captivity, whined and said "Didn't we tell you to leave us alone while we were still in Egypt? Our slavery was far better than dying out here in the wilderness". (Seriously??)
Scripture goes on to say
"But Moses told the people, 'Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you'".
As God brought that story back to my mind today, I knew that He was telling us to "stand still" and let Him fight for us. That's not easy. I am human; I prefer to know exactly how things are going to work out. But scripture also says that God's ways are not our ways, and if I really trust Him, I will let go of the need to work things out myself.
I want my little girl home. I believe that Ellie is waiting for us to come get her from wherever she may be. I believe that God brought us this far, and I believe that He is faithful to finish what He started. Please pray for us. We need some strength and encouragement right about now.
Thanks so much... we love ya'll.