Tuesday, July 7, 2009

My Heart...


I love this picture. In fact, of all of the pictures I've seen of our Ellie, this is my absolute favorite. I find myself staring at it, wondering what she is thinking. Is she wondering how my voice will sound as we read this book together? Is she wondering who in the world sent these gifts to her? Is she wondering if her daddy picked out that stuffed monkey?

But mostly when I look at this picture, I see her beauty. I'm struck by these words:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well". (Psalm 139:13-14)

I am in awe of how God works. He had a plan for Ellie Kedest Prosser, long before He knit her together in her mother's womb. She was no mistake, no mere accident. He had a purpose to fulfill in and through her. We are blessed enough to get to be a part of that plan, to nurture her and teach her and direct her as she discovers that plan. I am in awe of how God designs us, made in His image whether we are black, white, yellow, red or green. When I look at this picture, all I see is my daughter, beautiful, innocent, pure. I see the one I have prayed for these past 7 years, knowing that God had a plan for me too. I see a piece of that plan when I look at her.

To say that I am excited doesn't come close to how I feel. I am excited, no doubt. I'm also afraid. What if I am not good enough? What if she doesn't bond with me? So many questions go through my mind. Yet, deep within, I am at peace, knowing that this is right where I need to be, trusting in the Lord to do the bonding and the guiding. And I know that it will happen. I'm not so naive that I think it will be an easy transition for her. But I have faith that what God has begun, He will complete.

I have faith that I will get to have a front row seat as He works out His plan for her life, just as I get to do for Bryan. And for that, I am truly grateful.

4 comments:

KentuckyAngel (Vicki) said...

Dearest Holly,

Although we have not been close in person, I do feel a closeness with you. We are so true in blood w/our beliefs, feelings. You are a wonderful lady. An awesome Mom. But most of all, you are exactly what God wants us all to be & shows you how to spread His word to those of us who struggle. I am only a tiny fraction of all who believe in you & know this is truly what our Lord wants with your family. I can't wait to meet my new cuz!! Love to you all, Vic

MrsKristinClark said...

Beautiful, friend.
I cannot wait to hear the love and success stories God has you bring you :)

Chris and Terri said...

Holly,

You are right about it all. There aren't words for how we feel. It's bigger than that.

So to use the "not quite great enough words" - I'm very excited for you guys. ;)

Terri

Jo Ann said...

Yes, God has had this plan for you, Jeff, and Bryan all along. HE knew, above all, where Ellie would be and I am so grateful that you all were open to HIS guidance. Love y'all....MOM