Confessions of a Working Mom...

This morning, as I was walking out the door for work, my sweet daughter looked into my eyes and said, "I really really really wish you were coming to my picnic today at school". She didn't say it to make me feel guilty; she said it because she really really really wishes I could be there. She wants my presence.

Wednesdays are my day off. Yesterday, while home I spent my time "catching up" on grading all of Bryan's home school work. We had breakfast together and talked, and he said, "I like when you're here". I'm pretty sure he likes it because I cook for him, but I appreciated the words nonetheless.

These days I'm torn. I'm torn between kids that I love dearly and want to spend all the time with I can while they're still in our home and a job that I take pride in. Actually, it's more than that. This job really doesn't feel like a job to me most days (except on the days when it's only 8:30AM and I've already been cussed twice!). It feels like I'm doing something worthwhile most of the time, like I'm making a difference in the lives of others. And I tell myself that it's okay if I miss out on a few things for my kids because I'm needed here too.

But lately, I find myself questioning, "Am I just fooling myself? Am I making excuses so that I can continue to work and have this paycheck? Is it worth this paycheck?" We have our house on the market, and we've discussed my quitting and staying home when it sells, but then the thought of Bryan going to college in just a year and a half makes me question if quitting a good job right now is all that great of an idea.

What I know is this. I'm tired. I work part-time in the office and full time at home, and I'm tired. I feel spent. Between work, being a mom, driving lessons for Bryan, gymnastics for Ellie, teaching on Thursday nights, mentoring, church, cooking dinner, grading homeschool, etc etc, I've lost a bit of me in there it seems. I find myself feeling more and more like I'm doing a lot of things halfway and nothing really well. And if you know me, you know that I don't like doing anything halfway.

I don't know the answer here. I've prayed.. a lot. I haven't heard anything. Maybe it's because I'm not listening well. Maybe it's because He hasn't answered yet. Either way, I'm still here, still spent.

But I know this. My God is enough. My God is faithful. My God is a better parent than I am. And He loves me just as I am. Even in my not-so-proud mom moments of missing out on the things I really want to be at. Did I mention I am missing Ellie's preschool graduation because it's when our Ethiopia trip is scheduled??? Even when I completely lose it and yell or pout. Even when I just get grumpy and want to cry. Even when I give my kids cereal for dinner because the thought of cooking another meal right then makes me want to explode.

He is enough. Thanks be to God.

Ethiopia 2012

One of the greatest blessings of my life has been God allowing me to be a part of something that is so much bigger than myself. When we brought Ellie home from Ethiopia, we were face to face with the reality of the damage that unclean water can do to a body and a life. We knew that we couldn't just give her meds and forget it had ever happened. We knew God was calling us to do more. Through a great friend (thank you Mitch Holbrook), we were introduced to Edge Outreach in Louisville KY, a group of people with a vision to see everyone in the world with clean water. We got in touch, were trained, and then waited. We knew how to make clean water, but we didn't know how to get it into Ethiopia.

I don't believe in coincidence. So, it was by DIVINE intervention that I happened to be googling "mission work in Ethiopia" and came across One Child Campaign. I read their blog with tears in my eyes. These people were the hands and feet of Jesus in a land that we love so much. I contacted them and learned they had a vision to put clean water in Ethiopia, and we had the means to do so.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Last summer, most of you will recall that we were blessed to travel back to Ethiopia to place our very first water purification system in Korah. To say that it was a blessing just doesn't cut it.

God blew my mind.

Now, we are here on the cusp of traveling again. If someone had told me a few years back that we would be traveling to Ethiopia for the 3rd time now, I'd have laughed. But my heart is so full of excitement and joy. I love these people. I love being there with them, hugging their necks and holding their hands and just knowing that God made me for this work. It's humbling, and it's life-shattering. I come home completely broken and transformed and yearning for more of Him, more of His presence. And it sticks. Like I said, it's just amazing...

We will be going May 17-27, and at this time the plans are already set for one water system to be installed. We are VERY close to having things set for two systems. I can't even begin to think of how many people that is who will be drinking in clean water for the first time ever! Someone asked me recently "Why are you doing water stuff? I thought you were going to tell them about God.". My response is that "I have no business telling someone about Jesus if I can't (or won't) be the hands and feet of Him". Giving clean water meets a physical need, and when we do that, we begin to gain the right to be heard. But what I love about the work of One Child Campaign is that it's not about us at all. We are going and giving tools to the local church to meet the needs of their communities. When that happens, the people in the communities come to the church to get their physical needs met, and they hear Truth. It's beautiful!

I could talk for hours about this (seriously, I could. Do you have time? Call me!) But here's the thing... it's expensive to go to Ethiopia. So, we are doing some good, old-fashioned fund raising. We are selling t-shirts to tell the story of why we are going, and in the process, hopefully bringing in some money to help us get there.

We would GREATLY appreciate you buying one of these shirts. They're pretty sweet looking too! (thank so much Devon and the Surge team!!)
Cost is $25 for each shirt. Payment is due at time of order. We will collect orders through February, then order and ship them out to ya! When you buy this, you too are being the hands and feet of Jesus because we couldn't do this without the support (prayerful and financial!) of so many of you. So, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much!!

Checks can be made to Jeff or Holly Prosser and sent to us directly at 1809 Jacks Creek Road, Richmond KY 40475

please let us know in the comments if you are sending an order so we can be on the lookout for it!

Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good,
in order to provide for urgent needs and not live unproductive lives.

Titus 3:14

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
(Beautiful Things, Gungor)

If I had to put the year 2011 in a song, this would be it. This year has brought joy immeasurable and so much pain that I felt I couldn't take a breath. And in the midst, there was God.

Faithful.

Holy.

True.

Mine.

In this year, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about spiritual warfare. But I also learned and experienced more than I ever fathomed the Presence of Jesus, my comforter. Here I am, on the cusp of a new year, and I feel a bit like Mary, holding these things in my heart and pondering the goodness of God. But I'd be remiss if I didn't testify to the faithfulness of my Savior.

In this year, a battle raged for our son. Satan thought he had won, and if truth be told, there were moments that I believed it too. It was a hard time, for lack of a better description. I cried until the tears would come no more. I hurt. I felt like my heart had been ripped from within me. The bleakest days of my life were during that time. Jeff and I spent a week at home, mourning the decisions that Bryan had made that caused him to be placed outside of this home. And in that moment of him leaving here, the lies came flying into my mind: "You weren't good enough, or he wouldn't be struggling like this". I wanted to believe it. To blame myself seemed better than admitting that my son had made decisions that went against everything this family believes in. But that's not the end of the story.

I can't tell you how beautiful redemption is when you witness it in your child. Jeff and I often say how incredible it is to have our son back. It's not been easy, but he's home and he smiles again. God is speaking to him, and he is learning to listen again. God is daily redeeming him and using his story. You see, what was meant to harm him, God intended for good, and we see the good coming from that time. We've hugged more, laughed more, cried more, prayed more in the past few months than I can ever remember. It's beautiful, and I feel more proud of him than I can describe here.

A few weeks ago, our sweet Ellie asked Jesus to come into her heart. We've witnessed her redemption too. It's been three years this week since we said "yes" to adopting her, and the transformation in her life is unbelievable. She has literally come to life before our very eyes, and we are so thankful for her!


I have no idea what 2012 has in store. I'm sure there will be days of incredible joy, and I'm sure there will be days where my heart will feel torn apart. If I've learned anything in this year, it's that my feelings cannot be trusted. They change like the wind. But God- oh my, He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He hands out HOPE in abundance, and my cup surely is overflowing with it. I can't wait to see what 2012 holds- all of it. For nothing comes to me that He is unaware or unprepared for.

How about you? What did God teach you this year?

Ethiopia Water thoughts...

I'm tempted to apologize for not posting sooner about the water project in Ethiopia this summer with One Child Campaign. However, I have spent the past couple of months thinking, praying, meditating, pondering in my heart all of the individual moments of our time there. I needed that time. God needed me to have that time. Now I'm ready to tell, so I pray you're ready to read. More than that, I pray you are changed as I try to put in words what we experienced.

Korah is a community on the outskirts of Addis Ababa. It's a community of unwanted outcasts of society. It's a community built on a trash dump. It's a community of dirt, filth, smells, hunger, disease. It's a community of some of the most beautiful people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. It's a community of HOPE.


When we arrived in Korah, I was immediately overcome with love for these people. They had nothing of material value, yet it was so obvious that they were wealthy, rich in love. I was able to listen to their stories- stories of leprosy, HIV, death, desperation, hopelessness, fear. And I heard over and over again, "But then you came to us. God sent you to us, and now we have great hope because of Jesus".

We were able to spend time with the ladies of Mission Ethiopia, hearing the stories of these beautiful ladies and how God has redeemed their lives. One by one, they told us how "before I had this work (with Mission Ethiopia), I did not have time to do what I love most which is praise God". I was humbled by those words. They have haunted me every day since then.


One of the first things we did in Korah was to test their water to see what impurities were there. It was positive for fecal matter. Really, is there anything else to say? These beautiful faces, forced to drink water infested with human waste in order to survive. I will never forget the moment that I showed the Pastor there what our test had proven. With tears in his eyes, he looked over at his beautiful little girl and said "She has been drinking that?".

Oh, but the story does not end there, my friends!


It was our honor to give this small section of Korah a water purifier. In just a few hours' time, we taught them how to work the system and chlorinate water to get rid of the impurities they were currently drinking. They were eager and fast learners, drinking in all of our explanations, ready to demonstrate what they had learned. And in just a few hours, we were standing there witnessing our new friends taking their very first drink ever of clean, pure water. The Pastor looked at me, with tears flowing down his face and said "She doesn't drink that anymore". This is church, folks!


We placed this purifier at the local church. You see, Korah doesn't need to think that some white people with money from America came in to give something to them. What they need is to see the local church providing their needs. After all, that's what the local church is really about, isn't it? Once they are meeting the physical need of clean water to the people of Korah, they can then teach them about the LIVING WATER. beautiful.

My heart is still soaring from that day. Even now, we are preparing and raising funds for the next water project in Ethiopia. You see, although what we were able to experience this summer was great, the need is still greater. Others need clean water too. They need food, clothing, sustainable income, medicine, love, compassion, hope. Our eyes are indeed open, and we cannot quit now. We want to now work to empower other local churches with the ability to meet the needs of their communities as well.

By the standards of this world, these folks are poor. But by God's standards, they are rich indeed. I've never seen a rich man smile as brightly as these children. I've never seen eyes that sparkled quite so brightly as the eyes of the lady telling of how she was now free to praise her Savior all day as she worked to provide for her family. I've never before seen anyone Smile from ear to ear as he talked of being imprisoned for sharing the Gospel, then tell me that "it's my honor to suffer for Jesus". But I did there. And it has changed me.

I'm changed to the very core of my being.



And I beg God to never EVER allow me to go back to the person I was before.

So, all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord- who is the Spirit- makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image. 2 Corinthians 3:18

A Day With Tigist...and Gotcha Day!

I've been asked many times since we got back home from Ethiopia, "What was your favorite part of the trip?" That's a hard this to answer, as everything we did was so different and touched me in such different ways. But one day does hold a very special place in my heart. On Wednesday of our trip, we were able to spend a day with Tigist, Ellie's birth mom.

When we were in Ethiopia 2 years ago to get Ellie, we were able to meet Tigist. It was nice, and I'm grateful we were able to do so, but it was short and I didn't really have a chance to ask questions or allow her to ask questions of us. This visit was different.

We were accompanied on our trip by Bisrat Fantahun, who acted as our translator. He's an amazing man with an incredible testimony, but that's another post altogether! The drive out to Woliso was about 2 hours, and the scenery was beautiful. I was nervous as we drove, wondering what Tigist would be like, if she would want to talk with us or if she'd be resentful of us for being able to have Ellie all the time. My fears were short-lived.

We met Tigist at the orphanage where Ellie was. We began our time there with a short walk around, seeing again where Ellie had slept and some of the other rooms. We walked out of the girl's dorm and Tigist came running to us. She literally ran into my arms and hugged me. Both of us were crying, and I looked up to see that Jeff was crying too. This is indeed a moment I will never forget!




It was our honor to take Tigist to lunch at the Negash Lodge in Woliso. What a great time!! This place is stunningly beautiful, a bit of a surprise in the middle of a town of such poverty. We sat down to lunch and were able to talk. Tigist told us her story, not exactly what we had heard in the past. It's so good to know the full truth of how Ellie came to be at the orphanage from her mouth. We shared stories of Ellie and more pictures. We were also able to tell her of Ellie's younger sister, and what a joy to see her face when she heard that her girls would grow up knowing each other!! WOW! She told us of her work, how she lives on 200 birr a month (about $11), and after paying rent, had only $7 a month left to live on. That's about 25 cents a day, folks. My heart sunk in hearing that. Even in Ethiopia, that's not enough.
Negash is known for the monkeys that live there, and we were not disappointed. After lunch, we went outside and were able to feed the monkeys. They ate right out of our hands! What a blessing to see Tigist smile and hear her laugh (JUST LIKE ELLIE'S LAUGH!). She told us "this is the only fun day I've ever had in life", and I don't doubt that at all. Then she asked us if we would like to come to her home for a visit. What an honor!

Tigist lives in a 10x12 mud and straw home. She was so proud to have us there, smiling for pictures with us. It was meager, but she was so proud of it. She had taken such care to decorate it, and I was humbled by all of it. I was overwhelmed at the thought of my little girl lying on that dirt floor to sleep.

Here's one thing I know for sure. Had Ellie been able to live with Tigist, she would not have the gazillion dresses she has now. She wouldn't have barbie dolls, coloring books or princess dresses. She would likely never go to school, learn to read, take dance or gymnastic lessons. But there is one thing she would NEVER be lacking, and that is love. Tigist loves her daughters. Of this I am sure! I saw it in her eyes, in the tears that fell on her face. They were tears of joy, knowing that her daughter has what she couldn't give. I felt it in the way she held my hand as we walked together. She held my hand with love and gentleness, not with any animosity or begrudging feelings. I felt it in the way she hugged me, as if she were thankful for me for how I love her little girl.


We connected that day. I feel a closeness to her that I can't explain. She's not a believer, yet I believe that God put this closeness within us. I believe it was His design that led us together. It is my honor to share Ellie Kedest, to mother her on Tigist's behalf. I pray I do it justice. I believe that God has a purpose for Ellie to be here, but I also believe that in a perfect world, her birth mother would be the one tucking her in to bed every night. I don't take this lightly, this gift we have been given.

Tomorrow we celebrate 2 years since we first held Ellie. It's been a gift far beyond my imagination. It's hard to remember life before her, before princesses, barbies, beads and braids, dresses, hair bows, singing and dancing all the time. It's hard to remember who I was before her. I don't really want to remember. She has changed me; Well, God has changed me through her. People tell us all the time that she is so lucky to have us. The truth is that we are the ones who are blessed.

Tonight my thoughts are with Tigist, wondering if she remembers that tomorrow is the anniversary of the day we first met. I wonder if she's staring at Ellie's picture and thinking of her. I pray she knows that we are telling Ellie of her every day, reminding her that she is loved by two mommas- one who gave her life, and one who holds her daily. I promised her that day to tell Ellie her story, of how her first mother loved her so much that she sacrificed everything for her. It's a promise I will keep.

Happy Gotcha Day, Ellie Kedest! I'm so blessed by you in our lives. I love love love being your momma!! I love watching you with your big brother, and I love how you are such a daddy's girl! I love celebrating you in our family!!

Thoughts on Ethiopia... part 1

Many of you have asked about our trip to Ethiopia. To say that it was incredible, mind-blowing, life-changing, awesome, etc etc is all just an understatement. It WAS all of those things. But it was so much more. It was redemption, sacrifice, vulnerability, humility, healing, convicting...

I've put off posting here for a little while so I could pull my thoughts together. I could write stories for days, if truth be told. But I don't want to just tell stories. If that's all I do now that I'm home, it's all been in vain. What I want is for people to see the change in me, in my life, and to be able to say why I'm different. Because, believe me, I AM DIFFERENT NOW.

This morning was my first time in corporate worship since we've been home (we took last week off to catch up on sleep and try to get over some jet lag). It was hard for me. It was too comfortable. I know that may sound odd to some of you. To explain, I'm going to share with you an excerpt of I wrote in my journal while at the Covenant Church in Ethiopia.

The Spirit is alive here this morning. I've watched the young man in front of me weep as he raises his hands in praise to God. I watched a family of 4 come in and immediately kneel. The mother seems both relieved and broken to be here- a picture of conflict. It's as if this place truly is her resting place on earth, as if she's been waiting for this moment all week long. I watched as she buried her face in her hands and wept, all the while her young daughter danced and sang in the aisle beside her.

The people here worship as if they really believe that God is listening. It's beautiful, scary, exciting, passionate, lively and ultimately it is convicting to me. How often do I sit in my pew and wait for something good to happen? How often do I walk into church with a thousand things on my mind and none of them Jesus? How many times have I felt led to lift my hands, but don't because I'm worried about what someone behind me might think? How many times have I entered into worship thinking of Holly instead of my Savior? Here I sit , a little cold on this rainy morning, watching the rain drop down onto the man across the aisle, unable to understand the language being spoken (Amharic), wondering if their bathroom has toilet paper. All of these things run through my mind and more. But the only thing that really matters is Christ glorified. And I know without a doubt that He has been glorified here today.

Here's the thing about that worship time. The people who came there brought everything they had; they brought themselves. They didn't have fancy clothes, cars, bibles, programs, bulletins, orders of worship. none of that mattered at all. They brought themselves to their Savior, broken and spilled out for the One they love. They came surrendered in their poverty, their need, their desire, their sickness, their desperation. And they bowed down to the One they know is greater than all of that. They worshiped with complete abandon, their only thought to bring glory to the Father. They came broken, hungry, hopeless, poor, in need. But they left whole, full, hopeful, rich in His grace, satisfied with Jesus.

This morning, I entered my church broken by my sin, hungry for His word, poor without Him in my life, in need of a Savior. And He was faithful, as He always is. I met God there because I was looking for Him. I came ready to worship, having put all of the unimportant things away.

My sweet Ethiopian friends taught me that it doesn't matter what our circumstances are, what our clothes look like, how full our bellies are, what our church looks like (even if there is rain pouring in the sanctuary!), or if there were crying kids in the service. They reminded me that what matters is whether of not I'm there seeking to meet Jesus. Because HE IS ALWAYS THERE, seeking to meet with me.

May I never forget this experience. May I worship with reckless abandon, the One who gave His life for me. May I experience daily the freedom He bought for me, for where His spirit is, there is freedom indeed. God be blessed.

The Thing about Water...

The World Health Organization estimates that 80% of all sickness in the world can be attributed to unsafe water and inadequate sanitation.

Every year, approximately 19 MILLION children die from diarrheal disease.

In the world's poorest countries, 5,000 children die EVERY DAY. 90% of those deaths are due to unsafe drinking water.

Women and children spend more than 200 MILLION hours collecting water from distant, often polluted, sources.

A child dies every 15 seconds from unsafe drinking water, poor sanitation and hygiene.

If we did nothing more that provide clean drinking water, without any medical intervention, we could save more than 2 million lives a year.

These stats came from the website of Edge Outreach, and are a compilation of stats from places like the World Health Organization, UNICEF, Edge Outreach, and Fresh Water Society. Reading those words hurt, don't they? I mean, I poured out a perfectly good cup of fresh clean water this morning just because I didn't like the temperature it was. People around the world would never think of doing that. For them, that lukewarm water is life-saving.

In just 6 days, Jeff and I leave for Ethiopia, where we will have the privilege of being able to give the gift of clean water to a community of people who have never had it before. We will be traveling with One Child Campaign as part of an orphan awareness trip, and this is just a portion of what we'll be doing and seeing while in Ethiopia. When I first blogged about this trip, we talked of how excited we were to take clean water to the place where Ellie was born. Things have transpired, unfortunately, that are out of our control and have hindered us from being able to travel to that area. However, we wholeheartedly trust that God has another plan, and we are so excited to stll be able to go and take this gift to others in need.

We spent yesterday training at Edge Outreach to learn how to "purify" water and make it safe for drinking. I don't have the words to tell you how incredible the staff at Edge Outreach are or how much I believe in the ministry they are doing. Seriously, check them out here to see a group that is truly being the hands and feet of Jesus. We left there feeling confident that we can really do this, and my excitement is more heightened than ever!

Here is the truth: If people are suffering and sick, it's hard to tell them about a God who is the Great Physician. If they are starving, it's hard for them to hear of the Bread of Life. And if their water is bad, how can we tell them of Living Water? Oh, but now.. now we'll be able to tell them that just as their water is now clean, their hearts can be too. THIS is why we are going.



So many of you have made this possible. You've given selflessly to this effort, with your money, your prayers, your rescources. We are so grateful to you, and we don't take it lightly. You are a part of this journey as well, and I promise to share all that God teaches us with you!

Please pray for us as we prepare to leave. Pray for safe travels and that we are able to get all materials for the water system into Ethiopia without any snags. Pray for our children who are going to be here in KY with friends and family (and for us as we are away from them this long- YIKES!!) Pray that lives are changed in Ethiopia, both physically and spiritually. Pray for the people of Ethiopia who live difficult lives that you and I can never fully understand.

I can't wait to share more with you!