Tuesday, April 8, 2008

confession

In my quiet time this morning, I said to God "I really want to live like you today". I thought I meant it when I said it. But God wasn't so sure. He wouldn't allow me to say anything else. Literally, He made me shut up (again). As I walked into my office, I felt out of sorts, awkward. I couldn't quite explain it. I sat at my desk, and said to God, "What?". And that's when He hit me. He said to me quite plainly "You don't really know what it means to live like I live. I want you to. I will show you. I will remind you of scripture. But it's gonna hurt to do it".

He was right. He always is.

What He reminded me of was how often I waste. I waste time, energy, efforts, money, resources, etc. You name it, I can waste it. Specifically, I waste a lot of opportunity to get to know people. I hide a lot, keeping just far enough away from people so that I don't have to get personal with them. And that's not how Jesus lived on earth. Not at all! To be like Him, I have to be willing to know people. I have to be intentional in my relationships.

Jesus didn't waste a day. So, I asked myself: What will I do with my days? Will I use them for good, or will I squander them away? Will I really love those I come in contact with, or will I approach them with disinterest. When I meet with a client at work, do I genuinely love them, or am I only interested in getting the job done and moving to the next client. For that matter, are they just a client, or do I see the person with feelings, needs, desires, and purpose? Am I trying to KNOW people, or am I trying to convert people?

Proverbs 3:27 says "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act". That reminds me of a line from my favorite movie, The Shawshank Redemption. In one scene Andy (Tim Robbins) says "get busy livin', or get busy dying". That's true. To LIVE as Christ, is to never withhold good from others when it is in our power to do so. To LIVE as Christ is to always be intentional in my relationships. To LIVE as Christ is to put others' needs ahead of my own. To LIVE as Christ is to die to myself.

Today has been hard because He is humbling me. I have lost my temper today, literally cussed the lawn mower, assumed the worst about people, and over all acted like a fool. But yet, God has surrounded me, whispering in my ear every minute, "I am here. I will mold you to be like me if you allow it. I told you it was going to be hard. But I will not leave you alone".

My response: "Let's get busy living"

5 comments:

Jeff Prosser said...

I love your vulnerability...

And don't feel too bad...I too was FRUSTRATED with the lawn mower!

Robo said...

WOW !!!!!
Sounds like God layeth the Smacketh downeth on you........eth.

I know exactly what you mean.

Everyday it seems that God is constantly saying " You just missed another opportunity, idiot"
I added the idiot part.
You get the idea.

Bird's Words said...

yes, He did.. eth.

Lydia said...

Best post I've read in a LONG time. In Robo-ese-- God Kickethed me in the butteth as I read thiseth. Thanks for sharing Holly. Can't wait til that book gets published!!

Mrs. Allroro said...

Holly, I met a lady on a mission trip in Malta. She was there with her husband. They had become missionaries after retirement. (Now their term is over and they're sharing the gospel with their grandchildren's classmates in the carline when they pick them up from school!!). Anyway, one day I told her I wished I could be more like her--she's very open and transparent with people. Very inviting. She said, "I haven't always been like this. I used to be very reserved, but I was a church secretary and God used that job to show me how to be more open." So there is hope! For me, too! I want the same thing. I want to love with an open and honest heart. I want to live with my front door open.