It's too quiet here

Bryan left for camp on Monday. I thought I would be glad. Come on, admit it, parents. We all need a break from our kids every now and then. And they need a break from us to, if truth be told (or at least that is what Bryan said). I deluded myself that I would have a blast this week with Jeff (and I have),watch what I wanted to on television, and go to sleep without the sound of the XBOX in my ears.

What I found is that I miss his voice saying "hey mom, will you take me to the skate park?" or "Hey mom, you wanna watch my new trick?" and "What's for dinner mom?". I actually miss his shoes sitting right by the front door. I miss having to tell him (again) to put his things away or make his bed or whatever. I miss his mischievous look that says "I am up to something". I miss his hugs at bedtime. I miss his giggles during the dinner blessing. I miss him begging Jeff to wrestle.

This is what I miss the most though...

I realize that Bryan is growing up. He needs less of me these days, and it's heart-breaking really. He wants to be away from me more than he wants to be with me. He wants his independence, and I want him to learn to respect independence. He wants more freedom, and I want him to experience freedom safely and slowly. He wants to risk, and I want to shelter. It's a constant game of tug-o-war, and many days I feel like I am in the mud pit. I see his potential to be a strong leader, confident and eloquent. He just wants to goof off. I see him laughing when I would prefer seriousness and vice versa. But yet, I love him wholly. He is a part of me. Perhaps that is why parenting is so frustrating... we see in our children the parts of us we want to change?? (think about it)

What I do know is that I am ready for Friday to be here. I am ready to have my boy home. I have loved my time this week alone with Jeff, but our family isn't quite complete without him here too. It's just too quiet around here!

I love you Bryan...

Why I love being a mom...

I have to brag on my son. He's awesome. Really he is. He is your typical 12 year old... hates to clean his room (or anything else, for that matter). He has to be reminded to do his chores. But his heart is tender. He is compassionate and loving, and I am honored to be his mom.

For Mother's Day, he blessed me. You see, Bryan LOVES to sleep late. Sundays are a treat because he doesn't have to get up at 6:45 like he does on school days. But this past Sunday, Bryan set his alarm for 6:45AM, and he got up when it went off. He made me breakfast in bed. Now, let me tell you for the record, Bryan makes the best eggs EVER! He made an omelet, bacon, sliced orange, and brought it with orange juice to me in bed. It was so sweet! I was surprised, to say the least.. not because he was thoughtful, but they had already given me a gift! On saturday, he and Jeff let me watch a movie while they scrubbed the entire house clean! AND they gave me a gift certificate for some pampering (pedicure)wow!!I felt like a queen, and I am so grateful that my guys love me like that. (I must add that while Bryan was making my breakfast, Jeff was mopping the floors since he knew my parents were coming and I would want it done. Love that man of mine!! (and I must say that his cleaning the house is the sexiest thing ever! you know you agree girls!))

I love being a mom. It's hard work, and sometimes it's frustrating work. But I wouldn't want it any other way. I love my children. I have been blessed beyond measure. Not only do we have Bryan, but there were 4 others who did not live to be born, and then there is Ellie that we (patiently) wait to bring home to us. I don't know why God would choose me for something so incredible, something so rewarding and humbling and that I will never be able to fulfill the way I want to. But I thank Him every day that He did choose me to mother these children. I pray that I am a Godly mom, a mom that always points my children to the Creator of all, a mom who lives out a faith that is authentic, a mom who serves her family without complaint, and a mom that my children always know loves her Lord with all of her heart, soul, and strength. I pray that my children always see me honoring and loving their dad, the greatest gift God ever gave to me! I pray that they see me as a student of His word. And I pray that one day they will not need therapy because of some mistake I made with them!

On a funnier note.. Bryan asked this question:
if there is a mother's day and a father's day, then when is the kid's day?

My response: All 363 other days of the year!!