Wednesday, June 11, 2008

It's too quiet here

Bryan left for camp on Monday. I thought I would be glad. Come on, admit it, parents. We all need a break from our kids every now and then. And they need a break from us to, if truth be told (or at least that is what Bryan said). I deluded myself that I would have a blast this week with Jeff (and I have),watch what I wanted to on television, and go to sleep without the sound of the XBOX in my ears.

What I found is that I miss his voice saying "hey mom, will you take me to the skate park?" or "Hey mom, you wanna watch my new trick?" and "What's for dinner mom?". I actually miss his shoes sitting right by the front door. I miss having to tell him (again) to put his things away or make his bed or whatever. I miss his mischievous look that says "I am up to something". I miss his hugs at bedtime. I miss his giggles during the dinner blessing. I miss him begging Jeff to wrestle.

This is what I miss the most though...

I realize that Bryan is growing up. He needs less of me these days, and it's heart-breaking really. He wants to be away from me more than he wants to be with me. He wants his independence, and I want him to learn to respect independence. He wants more freedom, and I want him to experience freedom safely and slowly. He wants to risk, and I want to shelter. It's a constant game of tug-o-war, and many days I feel like I am in the mud pit. I see his potential to be a strong leader, confident and eloquent. He just wants to goof off. I see him laughing when I would prefer seriousness and vice versa. But yet, I love him wholly. He is a part of me. Perhaps that is why parenting is so frustrating... we see in our children the parts of us we want to change?? (think about it)

What I do know is that I am ready for Friday to be here. I am ready to have my boy home. I have loved my time this week alone with Jeff, but our family isn't quite complete without him here too. It's just too quiet around here!

I love you Bryan...


Lydia said...

What a mommy! You love him so much--it's obvious. I am dreading having to leave Cora behind when we go to the hospital for baby number 2. She's only stayed away from us one night at a time, and not very often. And in those times, I miss her terribly. How do you get to the point where you can even let them go away for a week??

I LOVE the pic of you and Bryan.

Bird's Words said...

letting him go wasn't hard. I was ready for a break from him (and he from me). But after a day, I wanted him home again where he belongs! I love that kid. You will be okay while at the hospital away from Cora. These times really do strengthen bonds!